Have I cornered myself?

Take a breath and relax. Sounds like your head is spinning. Some points for change to help eliminate variables.

1. Stop PE, stop porn and stop masturbation.
2. Start exercising regularly and eating clean (water intake essential).
3. Talk to your girlfriend openly about your concerns.

I don’t practice the above regularly, but when my concerns begin to elevate I typically first look at component #2 listed above.

The above three steps might sound extreme, but not so extreme given your level of expressed anxiety and concern.

Best wishes.

What I meant was stop thinking about it, stop worrying about not getting it up. From what you said about not using porn too often brings it back to the fact that this is all mental. You probably got nervous and had a case of mentally induced ED. From there you let it take over and now it is an issue. Little engine just said it…take a breath

Yeah jelqing and edging is also not a “good behaviour” to link your arousal with, but just like watching porn for any other reason it will only become a problem if that is ALL you do when it comes to sex.

There’s nothing wrong with watching and simply enjoying nudity or straight up porn. Seeing a naked woman is attractive to a man, screen or irl, it is simply natural. So yeah as I said it is not about watching nudity but -> how <- you do it, that may cause problems.

If I were you I would quit porn for now, and everytime I get horny I’d go see my girl or if not possible sext her like you do. Fantasizing is fine but preferably you always directly engage with her. ‘if you cant reach her in anyway, just stay horny until you do.
When your arousal builds up you want to connect that feeling with actually being with a woman, you want a confident mindset about being with a woman - and not condition yourself to being just fine or preferring to watch a screen.
Once your problems with getting hard is gone and you have a solid connection with actual sex, then you can go back to enjoying porn as you like. Just as long as you have created a seperation between just watching sex and engaging it
(two different mindsets for each circumstance) - Then you are just fine and can watch as much as you like.

Personally however I don’t want to watch any porn really. I only do it for my clamping sessions so I can stay erect for 40 min or so.
And if I would desire to just watch nude girls, I would simply go find someone to undress for me or watch some nice pictures without masturbation.
Unless the porno is pure art, porn is in itself not very appealing to me.

So basically for the first probably 2-3 months of my current relationship my girlfriend couldn’t make me cum if I didn’t manually assist her. There was nothing wrong with her; I find her quite attract, her pussy is really tight, and she gives probably the best head I’ve ever had. But she couldn’t get me over the hump if I didn’t masturbate enough to reach my PONR. When she went home for winter break after our first 2-3 weeks of sex things and she hadn’t made me cum on her own yet, I decided to do no-porn/no-fap and see what happened. I lasted about 2 weeks on no-fap before breaking, but both my erection frequency and EQ went through the roof and my libido was going crazy from all our sexting. I went for another 1-2 weeks of nofap and then she came back so from then on I didn’t fap cuz we were having sex at least every other day. I’m not exactly sure how long I didn’t watch porn, but it was much later in the semester when we decided to watch some together as part of foreplay. It wasn’t until 1-2 months after she came back that I finally came inside her from her being on top, and not until we experimented with spooning toward the end of the semester that I was able to cum for her in another position. Basically I attribute the progress to a combination of a re-conditioning my brain by not watching porn and doing sexual things with my girlfriend most days.

How often do you see your girlfriend? The more frequently you do stuff together, the sooner your body will learn to respond to her and the less temptation you’ll have to masturbate. Just try going for 1-2 weeks of only doing stuff with your girlfriend and no masturbating. The buildup may help you with EQ at the very least.

Hi Cjrmj

Just a quick first reaction before going on my Saturday hike. You wrote:

…Sexting I quite enjoy because it allows me to release and enjoy my girlfriend sexually more than I am able to in person…

That is an excellent statement which may lead to a path of solution. In other words you say that you are able to enjoy her easier as VIRTUAL person than as REAL person. OK, now that’s exactly the mind conditioning porn did. Sexting leads you to “porn style” masturbation. The brain is conditiined and considers her real presence as weaker input than sexting. That’s why the EQ was low.

I therefore think it would be an idea to talk that through with her and propose a sexting break to decondition your brain. A break, not a stop forever. With her supporting you.

And yes, it is absolutely normal that a porn decon leads to EQ problems in the first weeks. The brain simply has to be “rewired” to find the old or other sources for sexual stimulus. Beside her body at hand, your own fantasy is, in my view, the best stimulus source.

More to come later…

Richard65

This is such an excellent thread. My experience with porn has been a little different, it actually helped me recover from terrible EQ. However, unless you are fortunate enough to be in your teen years, porn will not get you that periscope action dick.

@LittleEngine
I only recently started working out about 1 week ago and watching my diet(unrelated to PE and EQ just a lifestyle choice). I have talked to her a couple times and she put me more at ease but I don’t honestly like bringing it up that much. Currently on no porn or PE, masturbated to just physical stimulation/very mild fantasizing so guess I’ll go for that too if needed. How long do you recommend this?

@Kingcounty
I really hope you are right. After the first time it’s been pretty much constantly on my mind in at least some way when I am being intimate with her.

@SumBigD
That’s strangely encouraging to hear. I always do try to do the sexting thing as much as I can with her when I am horny. I was just worried if fantasizing was a horrible thing to do in general, you know, without her participation and all.

@SexualKungFu
Honestly sounds a lot less harsh than some of the NoFap stuff I have been reading that was “absolutely required” to fix the problem. Am currently on no porn for a couple weeks(no PE either) after the 2 weeks no porn I’m going to try nofap without her physically present(just to be clear getting turned on from sexting isn’t a bad thing here right?)
I very infrequently get alone time with her, maybe once a week or every 2 weeks. I see her a lot in general but mostly gym and hanging out with friends so no real alone time you know.

@Richard65
Perhaps I should have been a little clearer with that statement lol. It’s not really that I enjoy her more in sexting form, its more that I am able to enjoy her when we are both horny(as opposed to the little alone time we have these days). When I am with her it is a completely different experience that I would never liken to just sexting her, but when I am horny sexting is a great enjoyment where I don’t really have the anxiety of penetration on my mind. I suppose it’s still an issue that sexting is “easier” than encounters with her and I am unsure how happy she would be with a full stop to it but I am considering it and will try to bring it up if it still seems to be a big issue.

@Fornestruct
That’s quite possibly the first time I’ve heard porn helping EQ. Care to give me a rundown of the experience? And I am 21 by the way so guess not lol

Sext all you want, my dude. I definitely did a LOT of sexting when I was doing no-fap (and I still do whenever my girlfriend’s gone). And try to up your alone time with her if you can, or at least doing stuff in your car or the bathroom or something. The more you can do with her, the sooner your body will adjust to that kind of pleasure.

100% Cut out porn, best thing I’ve ever done. EQ has increased, making love has become massively more enjoyable and this no fax stuff sounds daft to me. No orgasms? No thanks.. Maybe cutting down on masturbation frequency could benefit you too? But never write yourself off, especially is you’ve never had penetrative sex.. Get in there lad and enjoy yourself!

Sexting with a real woman is fine, OP, and so is masturbation. Just remember that your body needs to recharge back to where it’ll respond quickly. If you want to have a strong reaction and a hard penis with her, abstain from masturbation and sexting for a couple of days before you see her. Adjust as needed for your age.

That’s why I’m telling him to be doing things with his girlfriend as often as possible. Orgasms are great, but if all your orgasms come (hehe puns) from the same source, you condition your body over time to be more responsive to that particular stimuli. No-fap combined with doing things with his girlfriend a lot forces his dick to either learn to cum from his girlfriend, and not just his hand, or be left with no choice but blue balls and discomfort.

@SexualKungFu
Will do, but from your comments I take it that means that using the sexting to help my fantasies with masturbation is a bad thing?(for getting my dick unaccustomed to my hand).

@Sheshappyimnot
Definitely cutting out the porn as much as I can. I masturbate like I said roughly once every 3 or 4 days so I don’t assume that is too much. If it is maybe I will do nofap completely.

@How lack
Sounds like a good idea to me. Haven’t done either in 4 days now, no porn so far for 8. At 20 I really didn’t expect these issues lol but maybe its my inexperience causing the anxiety more than anything. Don’t wanna rule out the porn thing though since it scares me so much so still cutting down on(as close to cutting it off completely) it as I can.

With respect to the porn I was wondering about a severity/moderation issue. For example I am no longer going to be actively searching for porn videos or even pictures etc however like I said I can’t help but I guess appreciate sexy women(pics from facebook, videos, media etc you know how things are these days). I also really like the photos my girlfriend sends, plus when she’s in the mood she likes to send them(nudes I mean) and I suppose my question is, without masturbation to this material, is the behavior or appreciating and looking at these things bad for me?

Also (and sorry if I am dragging out the thread too much with off point questioning)

Should I be concerned that I don’t get morning wood even after 4 days without masturbation/porn and no PE(therefore no injury) for 8 days. I always read about guys having morning wood every morning or getting random erections during the day however these days I get nothing. No morning wood(I do get chubbed up but not you know true morning wood) and no random erections during the day(again I get a little more bloodflow at times to maybe a semi however I don’t actively look at any material or try to get it up to erect, I usually distract myself from it fairly quickly). Is this cause for concern or is it still normal. I should mention I do get what I consider low sleep(average 6 hrs of night sleep, sometimes less, hardly ever more) and could that be inhibiting my erections?

@Cjrmj

I’ll give you the rundown on how porn helped me EQ.

Timeline: June 2016 - November 2016
-EQ was awesome, I was PEing, and could get 9 level erections just from thought. I did not watch porn at all, kept it all natural.

November 2016: EQ tanked. Plummetted like an anvil. I could not get past a 30% errction from thought and stimulation easily, and when I did, the erection would go down within 5-10 seconds (completely flaccid).

December 2016-March 2017: Resumed porn, since I thought I had prostatitis, and thought the only way to “clear blockage” was to bust a lot. By March, I was able to get up to a 70% erection with stimulation. Not good, but better at least. This was with daily porn.

March 2017 - Current
Back to no porn, I prefer edging from thought. Able to get a 90% erection from thought (takes a lot of focus though, but I never stop practicing).

I connected poor EQ to the reading news daily. When you wash your mind with stories of shootings, racism, sexism, thievery, and other such trash of society, it can do no good. I am a poor inpressionable 20 year old, so it took me experience to learn that. Never burden yourself unnecessarily, it is horrible for your mental health. Definitely had dark thoughts for a few months.

I fixed this by training myself to think how I used to as a kid, cause growing up (mentally) sucks.

With regards to the porn, it only served as a basic temptation to primal urges to force an erection as best as I could just to bust. But in the end, I would say socializing with real women, and appreciating their naturalness is exponentially better for your health.

I am the kind of person who admires women as a whole, instead of a piece of Filet Mignon with tits.

In the end, porn helped me, but I would say you would be better off without it. Being human, the only way to get better at something is to practice, and never neglect it. The more you train your stimulation to be based on normal things (fantasies and real women), the better and more resilient your mind will be.

Good luck, hope everything works out.

To be honest, at 20 I doubt you are suffering from porn induced ED. Alternatively, I’d venture a guess that you are experiencing performance anxiety. It happens to all of us. Learn to roll with it and have fun. A porn Star maintains a rock hard sexual torpedo for as long as a woman wants and then some but a real man loses his erection sometimes. Before porn it was never much of a concern. In modern day sex arenas (read: your bedroom), a man feels like he has to measure up to Mandingo, plow a row farther than farmer John and ring the bell on 20 squirting orgasms during a 10 hour megasexathon. You don’t have to and she isn’t expecting that. Relax, buddy. Enjoy the sex, foreplay, sexting and whatever else you want to but lay off the porn and try not to look at other women. (That last out of respect for your girlfriend). Though I doubt you are suffering any ill effects from it now, porn will seriously mess up your sexual mojo. Stay away from it.