Have I cornered myself?

To start I would like to apologize for the long post but this is really something that has me worried and frozen in my own two shoes.

Okay so I’m terribly sorry if this is posted in the wrong area of the forum as I’m completely new to posting. I’ve been jelqing for about a year and I always used porn to maintain a suitable erection level because I really didn’t have the private time to perform the exercises(I still live with my parents so private time is preciously low) I was able to complete a routine of about 400 jelqs, 150 v jelqs, 100 half jelqs along with about 5 Ulis and about 12 mins of stretching in a little over an hour most times. Usually I would watch the porn just to get my penis up to about 70% erect and then focus my attention solely on my penis to ensure I performed the exercises properly, only watching the screen when I felt a little too erect for comfort(30% or so) I usually got in 100-125 jelqs before I had to re-stimulate myself to get back to 70%. I did this about 4-5 times a week but mostly 4 times and apart from the jelqing sessions I very infrequently watched porn (maybe one extra time a week when I was overly horny just to edge and orgasm). Recently I’ve read about porn induced erectile dysfunction from sites like YBOP(YourBrainOnPorn) and it has scared me shitless, I will admit the site itself seems to be quite a bit more anecdotes, correlations and assumptions than hard facts and causations so I’m not entirely sold on the idea that moderate porn use a major contributor of ED however for the sake of experimentation I decided to observe myself a little and see for myself.

Now while on the PE I woke up with morning wood but never really paid much mind to it but I do remember them happening not infrequently. So while on PE there seemed to be no issues, I felt great, I felt like even flaccid there was a nice amount of flow to the penis, no turtling and I felt energetic and awesome after. Then came my sexual experience with my girlfriend.

To begin with my girlfriend is a little odd, she’s a virgin but very very into sexual behavior like sexting etc so we do that quite often, I send her d*ck pics, she sends her pics we have a good time but actually most of our sexting is just pure dirty talk and it always get me off. Even til just today we had a session and I got off on just messages. We do this because we get very little time together alone and are horny young people.

We are both virgins so she is very tight and I am verrrry nervous. Normally at her house when I make out with her or we cuddle I get very hard very fast to the point that when I spent long periods of time with her I got serious blue balls when going home. Most she ever did was stroke me a little and everything, to me, was great up until we tried doing a little more. First was a blowjob, I wasn’t rock hard, maybe 80% or so and this trend continues for the majority of our encounters(about once every 2 weeks) and when it first started(with just blowjobs) I found that I actually had a bit of premature ejaculation. I wasn’t really paying attention to how hard I was getting because it felt so good and I finished so fast that I couldn’t ever focus. When I first tried to penetrate her however I slipped on the condom and went soft.. I was devastated. Since then I have tried penetrating a couple other times and the same thing occurred. Got quite hard(never focused on if it was really 100% or not) and got to the position to penetrate and then.. Got softer. I also notice that in general the head of my penis is quite soft even if the shaft is hard and when I try to insert it just sort of “bends” upward a little against her hole. As a virgin I am completely unaware of how initial penetration works honestly.

Now I’m scared to even try and I’m not sure if its performance anxiety or if I had ED or what. I did the “experiment” on YBOP to stimulate myself physically(not even fantasizing) to orgasm and was able to do it, though with some difficulty and time, so I thought I was in the clear but I get terrified by posts I read on YBOP and r/NoFap(places I’m starting to consider are cult-like) about cutting off all orgasming, all ejaculation, all masturbation etc. It makes me feel guilty every single time I have an erection with my girlfriend, thinking about my girlfriend or anything and its quite frankly depressing me. I just wish someone could tell me that porn induced ED isn’t a thing or that its drastically overemphasized but nothing these days is shaking the feeling that every orgasm I have with my lovely gf is bad, every time we do what we enjoy, its wrong and pushing me back from my “recovery”.

I’ve been so depressed I have stopped PE completely for about a week so far to continue observing but it just seems I’m too down lately. I get morning chubs(not erections), I can still stimulate myself to “erection” with no fantasy(80% or so) and with fantasy(solely my gf) I get to 100% and ejaculation easily. However if I don’t stimulate my penis physically I start losing my erection nearly instantly and I don’t know where to turn anymore. I can’t completely stop masturbating or climaxing or whatever because it makes my girlfriend happy and I want to make her happy as much as I can so I really feel like I’m dead stuck. I continue to masturbate with her, I feel guilty and feel like I’m digging myself deeper into “PIED” and will never recover. I don’t masturbate at all and she will be unhappy(has happened before) so I cannot survive with this 3-6 months of only experiencing an orgasmic release with her only twice monthly if that much. Every semi-nude photo I see on facebook, every bit of skimpy wear I see out in public I fear a “dopamine rush” that pushes me further into my hole(if I’m even in a hole I really don’t know).

Can someone please, please tell me if there is another issue here? Is it that I overworked my penis? Do I have a venous leak of some kind? Am I not getting enough sleep(5 hrs average a day)? Would continuing as I’m doing now(masturbating only to fantasy of my girlfriend + infrequent sexual experience with her) eventually sort me out?

Should I take some light supplements like HornyGoatWeed? Should I give up entirely on PE? Is it just Performance Anxiety that will eventually go away once I actually penetrate her(If I am able to). I know this is a long post and is probably not even in the right forum section but this is the only place I can post as of right now and I really want to get advice on how to proceed.

Again I am terribly, truly sorry about the long, probably misplaced post with loads of questions but I am desperate. I guess my main Too Long; Didn’t Read question is how, given my situation, can I maximize my EQ?

Your story is typical of the young man of today. Too much porn, too much sexual tension, too little sexual release with the actual woman in question. You’ve accustomed yourself to getting off in every way but inside of your girlfriend. This is natural, given masturbation comes before sex for just about all of us but…you have done it to a point where it’s now difficult for you to handle sex with your girlfriend in a productive manner.

This is not hard to fix. It will take time, though. You just have to quit porn. This is a heck of a thing to do but it will help you in the long run. Though many men report EQ dropping and frequency dropping in the first few weeks of quitting porn. I know that I did. I talk about it at length in my log and in a post I wrote about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction here: Porn: Poison with the labels that beg you to lick them

It isn’t easy but the reward is sizable. I can get hard with no images, with just fantasy and my girl can stimulate an erection with her hands and they don’t fade immediately. But this happened, as a progression, over months without porn. You can continue to sext with her. But try to make the main source of your libido your imagination. This will speed you regaining your control over your erections.

It’s scary but it can be dealt with. Just be calm. Kick porn. Keep at it. And don’t be afraid to tell your girl about your issue, if you think she’ll understand of course. Because it may take time before you’re 100% and she will wonder what is going on.

Stay strong and do what you need to in order to reclaim your sexuality.

I understand what you are saying but, this may just be me bargaining or avoiding, is it possible that the issue isn’t particularly porn? I mean the porn use I have under me isn’t extreme in any way, so I find it rather depressing and demotivating to think so little use can cause all this, as this would mean that if I ACCIDENTALLY see some porn images I could easily slip back. It’s frustrating to think that this is the case because it is so easy to be exposed to this stuff. For example with facebook? Or when friends just send random sexual memes(excuse the word). I mean it gives me great anxiety because it makes me feel I will never get out of this.. Honestly is the problem porn or PMO as they call it(porn-masturbation-orgasm) and as such as long as the 3 are disconnected it won’t be horrible? I don’t know if I can honestly keep myself motivated to quit cold turkey and continue PE as everything that makes me hard makes me feel guilty or like I’m worsening myself.

I guess I just have a great amount of anxiety and like I said I can get erections with just physical stimulation and no fantasy however the quick loss without stimulation just kills me. I know it sounds like I’m sidestepping the issue but I hope you can understand my concerns.

Will still porn(pictures) without me masturbating ruin me? Will fantasizing about anything other than my girlfriend ruin me? How long will I take to reverse this “issue” if in fact this is my issue? This all seems so hopeless and I know most answers are going to just go “Just cut the porn, its gonna be hard but do it” but I guess I’m just imploring consideration of a more moderate view towards pornography? Severely cutting down? Severely toning down(hardcore-softcore). Maybe I am just screaming to the empty sky.

I cannot answer all of the questions you just asked, for you. I related, with my story because there are some commonalities. I honestly cannot tell you what your issue is, with certainty. Just that enough common points resounded with the issue I spoke on. The similarities could be incidental. I have no way of truly knowing.

You aren’t ruined. Stop saying that. That’s probably your biggest issue right there. Thinking you’re “ruined” or “broken”. That kind of attitude is ridiculous, especially since there’s nothing physically wrong with you, you’re young and you’re inexperienced. Which…could be a factor you aren’t considering enough in this equation. Anxiety is likely your biggest problem right now. But again, this is a guess.

I recommend cutting porn out, it’s generally nothing but a good thing. Many members agree with this statement. However, you have to assess what the source of your problem is and deal with it as you see fit. I cannot tell you what the source of your problem is because I’m not you.

Hi Cjrmj

Yes, you have cornered yourself - but not in a hopeless way. I think TGF’s answer covers already some important aspects and he’s right in what he said. I allow myself to throw in some aspects that I think should be deepened. You had a long question post - you deserve a long answer :-)

1. PE

First of all let’s talk about PE and EQ. You were on a pretty intense routine of a full hour 4-5 times a week that contained some pretty advanced exercises. Luckily, all went well as you did not encounter problems. So I have some questions about it:
- did you have starting measurements?
- did you take progress measurements?
- what I don’t understand, supposed you made some progress, why exactly did you stop the routine? As far as I have understood, you stopped PE because of what you read on YBOP.
- Did I get that correctly that your EQ dropped after you stopped the PE routine? Again, if there seems to be a pretty clear root cause relation, why did you not relaunch PE for having better EQ?
- You did not mention Kegel exercises. Do you have any experience with them?
- You did mention edging AND orgasming. Does that mean you edge for a while and then let yourself have an orgasm?
- How often do you edge?

When you will give answers to the above mentioned questions, we can go into details of PE and YBOP and try and design an alternative approach.

2. Porn

OK, YBOP freaked you out. You are afraid you kind of spoiled yourself on porn and will never come back to a healthy sexuality. Now this is simply an overreaction of your mind. It is good that you got a healthy shock that made you think (and stop) your porn consumption. This will be favourable to your mind, and most things written on YBOP are on a quite solid base. I’m speaking as out of my own experience as porn addict who fights the addiction too. And just read TGF’s Porn: poison… thread, there is real wisdom in there.

Now, that all sounds good, but I think there is a hidden overreaction your mind made. By reading YBOP, your subconscious has probably decided that ALL activities which are related to porn should be cut. This includes masturbation and PE. So you went on cold turkey with everything. Although I very much support the reduction of porn consumption to zero, I strongly advocate against cutting masturbation to zero too. And giving up PE is simply not a good idea - you have invested more than a year already and it seems that you have the discipline to improve your dick. So why throw that away?

Now we have to be a bit precise about porn and fantasies: porn is a visualization of fantasies of OTHER people (usually badly) made by other people. The consumption is with a low entrance price, easy to get into and has a long-term effect which does not count in the moment of consumption. I often compare it to nicotine abuse - it’s pretty similar. I think YBOP is very right when they point out the long-term devastating effect on sexual health.

Fantasies that YOU create are a bit different. Everybody has it, men and women. It’s a big driver of our sexuality, and that’s just how the brain is working during sex. There is nothing wrong with having fantasies. Even fantasies about other women than your girl. She probably has her own fantasies too. What I can say is: keep your fantasies mostly for yourself. Do not discuss them. And don’t ask for hers. Why do I say that? Because they are the very inner core of our sexual persona. Revealing it too early can be potentially bad for a relationship. Maybe some part of a fantasy may slip out during sex. That’s OK. But don’t reveal ALL your fantasies. Just as a hint.

So quitting porn? Absolutely yes! Quitting fantasies? Absolutely no!


3. Masturbation

I’m lazy. I just copy and collate a post I made in similar context to another user. It was about mild signs of ED, but I think it suits here too:

Although I do not have this problem, I may give you a hint. Through discussions with friends and some lecture at TP, I came to notice that quite a lot if men have a problem with masturbation. It’s not even related to porn, although you have the proof that porn abstinence is helping you. And it’s not a problem of frequency of masturbation neither. It’s more a question of attitude and objectives.

Now this may sound pretty cryptic, but it’s quite simple. When I hear a friend saying “I didn’t get laid for a long time so I masturbated to reduce my pressure” I always wonder a little bit how they think our sexual system works. They seem to consider their balls as bucket - when it’s full you have to empty it and voilá! So their attitude towards masturbation is more “steam relief” and their masturbation objective is ejaculation. And, as ejaculation is pleasurable, they want to get to it as fast as possible.

Now the male body works a little bit differently. Our reproduction systems is constantly self-training. Every night, we have several erections just to maintain the erection ability. The testicles are producing semen all the times, and if the “bucket is full”, the body takes care of it by itself. We do not even have to masturbate, we just have a wet dream and the “problem” is solved.

So masturbation is NOT a physical necessity, but a purely mental thing. Which means that everything depends how we THINK about it. In adolescence, and by these times enhanced by porn consumption, we discover that amazing source of pleasure and we have a tendency to get it as often as possible. So we kind of automatically condition our brain to be orgasm-oriented.

But there is an alternative approach. When you do something you like, you may want to do it as long as possible to maximize the pleasure. Give a child a box of chocolates and it’s gone in minutes. Give the same box to granddad and he will take a couple of days, although he technically could slam it down as the kid does. But he has learned to control his mental greed for chocolate in order to lengthen the time he will be able to feel the smell and taste it - he knows how to maximize the pleasure.

Now what can we learn from that simple example? It’s our attitude and objectives that decide what we get from masturbation. So, and this is the proposed change, you start to set your masturbation objective NOT for getting an orgasm but “just” the pleasurable feeling, and that you constantly repeat this to yourself (best is by saying it loud or writing it down and re-reading it often), this will slowly change the way your mind thinks before and during masturbation. And your attitude can support this by being less penis-oriented while masturbating, so do not only “work” your dick but caress and discover your entire body. You will be surprised how many erogenous spots you will find that create great feelings. These feelings may be less intense than touching your dick, but will lead you to a new insight about pleasuring yourself. And they will make you last much longer.

In short: make love to your body like you would make love to a girl, not just fuck your dick. It’s not about edging (which is helpful, but you know that by now) but what you WANT because you THINK it. It’s all in your mind, so use the power of your mind. To be very clear on this: no porn involved, and it’s not the call to stop masturbation but to do it differently. Slower, nicer, gentler, and not peak and dick-oriented but path- and full body-oriented.


4. Your girlfriend

Now this is great. The way you write about the starting sexuality in your relationship is hart-warming. I think both of you are aware and willing to go all the way. But now there is your mild erection problem interfering. Now this is a bit complicated, but not overly complicated.

- I think there is a natural performance anxiety and being a bit nervous. That is absolutely no problem, unless you throw porn in the scenery. Porn gives us men the mental image that we should be the ever-ready stallion who has only one goal: to fuck her brains out by behaving like a jackrabbit. Think about it if your mind tells you that’s the way you should behave.

- Then we have to state clearly here that sex is much more than penetration. You have hands, lips, tongue, whatever, a full body plus a great mind at disposal. So make use of everything. I say it crudely: being a lover is not being a good fucker, it’s much much more. And women want to be loved, not just fucked.

- Erection problems have their own vicious cycle. Once they appear they become bigger and bigger because they take overly space in your mind. But as TGF says: the body is only the playground of our mind. So YOUR mind decides who’s the boss. It happened to myself already a few times (I’m 51) and not lately but even in my teens and twens times too. What to do? I say: have a laugh about Wee Willie Wonker going on strike, and you still can go on. Do not consider it as “work refused” but switch to the playful aspect and go on having sexual contact in that very moment. As I said: there is much more than penetration that works. Focus on making her happy otherwise before the heat goes down. Be a lover and make love.

- I’m a bit intrigued about the sexting. I never did it until now, but I know it gives powerful stimulus to the brain. And it’s not exactly porn as it’s exchanging images and texts in a relationship (in your case, as it’s not anonymous sexting). So basically it’s heating both of you up. I’m just asking myself if this does not put you under even more performance pressure… Maybe you should only send pics of your toes or earlobes instead of dick pics :-)


Now what can be done?

I think you are on the best path already by enjoying the carnal relationship already. Yes, it’s not what you expect, but being tender, playful, silly and funny and feeling each others skin is very important.

Go on, that’s the right path. But the real key is a simple thing: communication! Start talking about you. She is worth it I guess as I feel love when you write about her. Now talking in a relationship and talking about the relationship is a regular thing and most couples do it. But I mean talking about sex before, during and after sex. Like in the song: let’s talk about sex, baby…

The better both of you know what you want exactly, what you’re afraid of, what you feel while you’re doing it, the better the lovelife will get. And I say intentionally LOVElife, not sexlife. Getting to the level where you can openly tell your feelings about sex and what pleases you and what scares you is a huge step in a relationship. Not everybody is capable to get there. But it’s just because most don’t try. Talk about performance anxiety, about what you think about the reasons of erection problems. Just do it with a little bit of self irony. Making love is a joyful thing, so don’t be earnest while you’re at it.



Phew, now that was a long post. I think I will wait to go on when I have your answers to section 1.

Best regards

Richard65

Hey Cjrmj,

Thoughtfulgold and Richard65 already gave you tons of tips, which are correct and I fully agree with them. However, I wanted to add my two cents here, from perspective of younger person, which suffered with some ED duo mental issues.

Without changing this into post about myself, I suffered and still do with backwards jealousy about my fiancee ex boyfriend. Duo this issue, I created a mechanism, that completely deprived me from most of my sexual confidence, especially about my size and my performance. When I was younger, it was so strong, that at some point it changed into some ED. I even visited an urologist for some semi Viagra pills. Funny fact, those pills were supposed to work after 30 mins or so, however when I took one before sex, I was able to get full erected only from kissing with my girlfriend after only 2 mins. Even right now, when my mental issues still haunts me, when I am relaxed and just enjoying time with her, my erection starts in no time, she still doesn’t even has to touch me at all. And now, to the point.

I can assume that You are a bit younger or at my age (I am 24). Since it’s Your first girlfriend and for both of you, these are yours first sex experiences, I honestly doubt that, there is anything wrong with You but anxiety. You are over-thinking about this and probably that’s the only cause here.

You really need to stop doing this. The only way You are harming yourself is by saying this. I know it’s really hard but try chilling a bit. Try to think about sex with your girlfriend like it’s activity, that give you huge pleasure and it’s not a competition or exam. Hope you will understand me correctly - focus on your own pleasure. However, don’t be a dick there. It doesn’t mean you should forget about your girlfriend in bed. Try to make your mind, that fingering/using tongue/kissing is something you enjoy(I always do, I love to give pleasure to my fiancee while thinking it’s still my own pleasure). Because of that, my “demons” sometimes goes away and the sex is just great.

If I can advice you one more thing - something that really helped me with ED and relaxing in bed, is Tantric sex. It may sounds weird from a guy, but if you are in a good mood, tantric sex made me chill like nothing else. It helped me realize, that sex it’s not only pounding and huge woman’s orgasm every time. Enjoy her body, let her enjoy yours. Light some candles, before that, drink a bottle of wine. After couple minutes of touching without kissing and doing nothing with genitals, I bet Your dong will go into such erection around her, you would never think about. But if it doesn’t - do worry. It takes time to get relaxed with own body.

I hope it may help you mate, there is really nothing wrong with you and just do not over think this. Stop thinking, that sex is your entire life. Sex is something amazing and you should take everything from it. Enjoy yourself, your girlfriend and time you spend together.

Just tell her that you want to be with her but you don’t have a lot of experience so you’re intimidated. It’ll take the pressure off. Woman can be very understanding if given the opportunity. Don’t worry you’ll work through it.

This is a common theme today in younger men. And I think most of it if not all is mental. Younger guy watches a lot a porn…..jerks off only to porn everyday sometimes more….meets a girl….gets hot and heavy…..starts getting caught up in his own head….result…deadwood and no not the HBO show.

I’m 35 and yes I watched a lot of porn before having sex for the first time but I’d say 75 % of the time I would close eyes and use my mind and fantasize. I didn’t do any PE back then hell I had no idea this was a thing back then. So I can’t think of a time in my younger days when getting it up was an issue.

You need to retrain your brain young man. No more porn, no more negative thoughts about your junk. Maybe try meditation with some hypnotic recordings in the background.

Porn is not the problem. Looking at naked women on a screen is not the problem.
The problem with porn problems is the behavior pattern that you set for yourself while watching porn. It’s about “how” you watch porn.

When you watch porn and masturbate, you link the state of mind that you have at that moment directly with your arousal, directly with pulling on your dick, directly with how you stimulate yourself etc.

Example: You are never in the moment when watching porn, you just fastforward and skip to whatever wherever you like, clicking everywhere. And only the best will do. You are always in control of everything, which is a poor mindset.
This behavior doesn’t translate well into real life.

Also of course if you are getting used to seeing top notch hot ass babes on demand then you are going to get yourself very desensitized when it comes to appreciating the female form of the average women. Assuming your girl does not look like a pornstar.
So you may get spoiled. But it shouldn’t matter that much.

Anyway this means that if you then attempt to get hard with your girlfriend, your brain is automatically tuning into the porn watching behavior.
Because that is how you have taught yourself to view sex and stimulation, that is how it is done.
But that is not going to work very well, since they’re not under the same circumstances. You and your girlfriend is not what you are primarily linking your arousal with.
Just sitting down all the time with your pants down and “ordering” your computer screen to show you women doing sexy things however you want it by clicking with your mouse at anything that catches your attention, etc etc - is a quite complex behavior to have your arousal attached with. Especially if that is all the sexy stuff you ever do for years, everyday. You hardlink that.

So this mindset thing is what creates the “missing link”, causing poor erection and arousal from “watching porn”.
Porn in itself isn’t evil. Its just naked women on a screen.

Your solution would be to create a new strong connection towards just stimulating yourself through masturbation (Without porn or any “help” aside from your girlfriend), or simple relearn what there is to enjoy about your girlfriend and let that be your primary state of mind.
So get yourself used to only care about what you see in your woman, and a non-demanding confident attitude toward sex. Be more comfortable under any circumstance. Or perhaps not to see circumstances as having any major importance. You do as you like.
Just connect with the natural feelings themself. Get back to just letting your dick naturally lead the way, keep it simple and you will be fine.

But yeah, it may take months. I don’t know. It’s important that you don’t see yourself “failing”, such a mindset doesn’t belong with sexy times either. Just focus on whats good and you will relearn/reset/realign your brain again eventually.

Skimmed through the other responses so my apologies if these have already been covered. I’ll try to keep my advice brief.

1) Porn can be nice sometimes, but I generally start my routines naturally flaccid and let the jelqing and accumulation of blood in the CC’s be what brings my erection level up.

2) Porn is visual stimulation, which over time can change how you become aroused; try fantasizing more about your girlfriend instead to get yourself aroused.

3) I’ve dealt with two porn-induced problems: erectile dysfunction (hard but not as hard as I need/want to be) and delayed ejaculation. Both issues I’ve corrected to at least some degree through a combination of no-fap, no-porn, and staying as sexually active with my girlfriend as possible.

4) Be very wary of your grip when masturbating. Stronger “death grips” reduce your sensitivity to pressure, and none of the female orifices are capable of matching the pressure of your hand.

5) There’s really not that much to penetration; you’re literally just putting your dick in a hole while making sure it’s not hurting her. Lots of foreplay and oral will help make this easier.

Hope that helps, and good luck!

I agree, less porn, better sex life.

Lay off the porn and quit worrying about your penis. Porn sets you up for failure because your expectations require an awesome performance. The truth is, you are young and inexperienced. You are not going to perform well. Your penis will go soft quite often until you become familiar and comfortable with your girlfriend. After the first time, it will likely never go soft again.

If it does go soft while you are with your girl, just shrug it off and give her pleasure in other ways. Learn from her what she likes and experiment. Try making her orgasm with your mouth and tongue, then your fingers. It is very likely you will get really hard again during this and you can surprise her. Bear in mind that if she hasn’t had anything large in her vagina as a virgin, she will still have an intact hymen. This is a thin membrane that when broken will bleed a little bit and might be slightly painful. Above all, just have fun. Sex when you are young is so great because it is new. Enjoy it and quit over analyzing it.

Remember, sex isn’t about penetration, it is about loving each other. Learn to love her first and penetrate her when your penis decides it is time to do so.

First of all thank you so much for all the replies
With respect to Richard65’s questions:( thanks a lot for the long reply by the way)
1) PE and EQ: a) I did take starting measurements and progress measurements. Started at 5.5 length and slightly under 5” girth and up until this scare two weeks ago I was 6” length and 5.3” girth so there were growths. B) Yes reading YBOP scared me out of the routine because the information made me feel guilty about almost every erection I get thinking I get some kind of dopamine high that’s screwing me over in the end. Also I quit the porn and while I can still obtain a suitable enough erection for doing the exercises with just touching and/or fantasizing my current routine would simply take too much private time I don’t have(as I said I still live with my parents) so I stopped. C) Yes I have been getting worse EQ since stopping PE and porn and the only reason I haven’t started again is because of time constraints or being scared of my own erections without my real life partner.
D). I do kegels on my edging sessions where I usually get erect(to porn) kegel until I’m satisfied and then edge until a finish(and yes I usually finish after the edging, rarely I would edge and not ejaculate). E) There was a point where I would edge very frequently but recently the edging went down to roughly once a week(basically in sync with my ejaculation).

Should I perhaps employ a different routine? A lighter one focused more on EQ than gains? If so can anyone point me in this direction.

2) Porn: I understand and thank you very much for the insight on porn. I actually think I will hardly ever use porn anymore now. Strictly coming off the video porn and pictures but I would really like to know just how badly do I have to “restrain” myself. Again my reading makes me guilty or scared about even fantasizing as I described earlier(dopamine and the blahblah) and even with fantasizing what is the limit. I understand fantasizing about my girlfriend is alright and even other girls may also be alright but I would guess fantasizing about porn fantasies would be a bad idea? Again I’m not sure about how I would control that due to the ambiguity of it all and how my mind tends to stray easily. As a side note would fantasizing(or even viewing directly) images of my girlfriend she previously sent be a bad thing?(considering I didn’t “create” this fantasy)

3) Masturbation: I like the idea of masturbating and being hard and strong lol. It makes me feel confident and healthy and honestly I enjoy that feeling far more than the orgasm because orgasms kill my sex drive and ability to feel confident and healthy. The issue is I always did this to porn and with the entire event now I am unsure if I should continue just making myself hard and taking pleasure in that feeling as it might be damaging to my “recovery”.

Are you saying I can or even should be edging/masturbating a little more frequently? Currently I masturbate once every 3 or 4 days but I can’t help myself from getting myself hard(without porn these days) just to put my mind at rest that I’ve not broken my penis lol.

4) My girlfriend: Thank you for your kind words and yes I truly think she is worth it and nothing would make me happier than to be able to consistently please her. I love all that I do with her, every bit of cuddling, touching, enjoying the looks of her body, oral, fingering everything but it worries me that some of this doesn’t get me completely erect and makes me feel like I’m short-changing her somehow.

Sexting I quite enjoy because it allows me to release and enjoy my girlfriend sexually more than I am able to in person(seeing as we don’t get very much alone time) and again worried that maybe it’s a destructive behavior. Everything is so messed up and I want to fix everything but I don’t know what is an issue and what isn’t several sources seem to indicate that some things are while others say they aren’t. With the sexting though, it’s hardly image or video based and most of the time it’s just messages that I use my imagination to get me to ejaculate. To me this isn’t an issue but again, I’m not sure.

Thank you so much for the response. It has helped me and made me feel a little more secure, especially the part about it could be more my anxiety than I thought. If only I could get the answers to my new questions, however I understand the nature of my questions requires way more introspection than advice, just not sure how much I trust my own self to fix this.

@Galander
I’m glad to hear someone who had issues and overcame them. I am a bit younger(21) and I agree, my mindset is very self destructive and I am working on fixing that. I just don’t know how much I trust myself. Will I really be fixing or will I damage further you know? I would like to say at this point that our sexual experiences are great. The closeness and touching(oral and fingering and HJ and BJs and all) are all fulfilling but you know there’s always that bit of you that wants to.. Idk show off? Show that I can go all the way? It’s hard to explain how this is both satisfying and yet at the same time I wish I could give more.
I do need to relax about this more but maybe it’s just my ego telling me I should be able to do this and then my anxiety berating me that I seemingly can’t.

@Buckfever
She is very understanding and always tells me not to worry(yet lol) and that everything is still great for her and she is happy with me, most of me is greatly appreciative of this, some of me just wants to by any means prove there is nothing to worry about.

@Kingscounty
I never used porn that much as I remember, never everyday but I get what you are saying. Ever since I got into this relationship(2years now) I have infrequently used porn to ejaculate(like I said once every 3 days maximum due to my jelqing routine and not wanting to mess up my EQ). I understand no more porn, but what do you mean no more negative thoughts about my junk exactly?

@SumbigD
Thanks for the reply, this was something I did in my I guess “younger days” when watching porn but now porn is mostly for jelqing or edging purposes(until last week when I stopped completely from basically fear alone lol). Definitely going to try my very best to stay far away from porn but particularly to you, seeing as you do not view porn in an of itself as bad but rather the attitude, what do you think about someone simply enjoying porn? Not sure if I do and not saying I do but as an experiment is it possible for someone to simply enjoy observing act of sex or nudity(ergo masturbation need not be involved or even erections) and in that way porn and the “naked women on the screen” wouldn’t be a bad thing? Lastly without help from my girlfriend would include sexting but not my own fantasies(or other way around or do you mean physical help only).

@SexualKungFu
Can you elaborate on how the nofap, no porn but sex helped your issue? As in how long did it take and what did you see as destructive behaviors as well as what you say as stepping stones towards the goal? I do not use death grip(I hope lol).

@CrazyDave
I agree. Less or no porn though?

@How lack
Thank you for the insight, I also think(and hope) that after the first time it will be a lot easier. I have experience fingering her and giving her oral and she does feel slight pain on fingering still but it’s getting better as she describes.

Wew, Thank you all so much for the encouraging and insightful responses, I feel a little better now knowing that I’m not extremely badly off and my “recovery” may be a little less demanding that I originally imagined(no porn, no masturbation, no fantasizing, no ejaculation, no sexting, no PE etc for months on end)