In a dark place

pob, I have just read your opening post. Let me put your mind to rest on a few things.

1. The variation in size of your testicles is within the totally normal range. Very few men have testicles the same size, and considerable variation is normal and no cause for concern at all.

2. The size of your ‘smaller’ testicle is average/a bit above average, and the larger one is at the very top end of normal.

3. Your penis is considerably above average in erect size.

4. Your flaccid size is large-average. Plenty of guys here would be very happy indeed to have it.

5. Varicoceles are remarkably common. I have had one for 30 years. They do not have any effect on the development of the size of your penis or your testicles. Removing them should only be done if absolutely necessary. Removing a varicocele will not subsequently cause either growth of your penis or testicles.

So to summarise:

Your testicles are completely normal, and larger than average.

Your penis is larger than average in both length and girth, both in its flaccid and erect states.

Your varicocele is not responsible for anything, there is no need to get it removed, and removing it would have no effect.

You are completely normal in the penis and testicle department apart from having a very small and insignificant varicocele, and being at the top end of normal for penis and testicle sizes.

You have nothing, nothing at all, to worry about when it comes to your sexual equipment. You can be proud of it, show it off, use it and be confident.

My expertise is not psychiatry although I do have a fair knowledge as I talk to patients about their full medical histories. You do need to see a psychiatric specialist and get on top of your other problems. But you certainly don’t need to worry about your genitals. They are normal.

Marinera : The thing is it matters to me, a friend saw it a few years ago and commented on it. It didnt annoy me at the time, but it came into my head at the start of the summer realising there is nothing I could do about it I began to panic and these obsessional thoughts I had about my penis were replace by testicle size. Your correct, I mentioned v jelqs by accident, they are on the jp90 routine from PE gym. I recently changed alliances to here as I find it more informative and supportive. I do stretch, however I want to obtain girth more than anything so I am considering leaving the stretches out. Thoughts?

Ares88: I have, he has given me few techniques to implement which I have found hard to implement. He tells me not to let the thought manifest or overanalyse it. Even when I do this though I still have the feeling of anxiety or despair. He has told me to stop measuring and to stay from internet searches in regards to it. This website probably falls under that, but it gives me an outlet and reassurance from people with similar issues. I have become rather addicted to these websites, which I need to control in which I surf the website rather than doing my PE exercises. I have been to 3 sessions. I have never heard of metacognitive treatment though will look at it

Firegoat: thank you for your response. Thank you for putting my mind at ease. In regards to my smaller testicle it measures 2 inches the urologist measures it at 14ml-16ml, on the tanner scale this stage 4 which means it never reached level 5 which is 20 ml or over. When looking at this scale I feel I have reached the scale in several regards but in regards to that left testicle and flaccid penis I do not. I am 6 foot 2, my chest is small and shoulders narrow, I’m concerned about my test levels due to lack of morning wood could be due to anxiety issues though.

I’m aware my varicocele is small, but in regards to it limiting testicular mass I have read in several studies this is correct maybe this only applies to larger ones though. In regards to not reaching tanner 5 on the scale could this be the reason. Also could stress/anxiety have limited my development in some way, the top end of my penis (glans/just below) becomes alot thinner drops 1/2 an inch of girth could this be due to lack of circulation from stress.

I’m not sure how I feel on my penis size, a few girls have told me its big but in the shower room/urinals it seems a lot thinner than the average person. I understand this is mostly a mental problem as people with considerable smaller units than me having a more positive outlook and happier life. I think moving away To Holland and living on my own will do me the world of good(over-rely on parents) though I do worry about the possible allure of drugs which could potentially tip me over the edge into full scale physcosis. Hopefully my willpower is strong

Friends make comments on any kind of things. ‘How you cut your hairs? Your shoes are horrible! Your chest is flat you should do some benches…’. Nobody is perfect and everyone has his insecureness, the guy who commented on your testicles probably feels insecure because he’s fatter or shorter or whatever or just made a casual observation (why he looked so deep to your balls, by the way?).

We all go through our lives with our feelings of inadequacy, some people more, some less. Most of the people just have their attention caught by something more ‘real’ than their imperfections, so they just forget about them.

I am not a fan of the Tanner Scale. In healthy European adult humans, average testicular volume is 18 cm³ per testis, with normal size ranging from 12 cm³ to 30 cm³.[8] The average testicle size after puberty measures up to around 2 inches long, 0.8 inches in breadth, and 1.2 inches in height (5 x 2 x 3 cm).

Your lack of morning wood is a typical stress reaction, although drugs could well play a part too if you frequently abuse them.

The testicle I have a varicocele on is considerably larger than the other. I have never seen any confirmed evidence that a varicocele will cause a lack of development of testicular mass. Penes come in many shapes, from cone shapes to baseball bats to inverted triangles. It won’t be because of lack of circulation if you get erections.

It’s a trick everyones brains play - our penis always looks smaller to us, and everyone elses looks larger, especially in showers and urinals, as we are acutely aware of how we look. But it is just that; a mind trick.

Over-reliance on parents actually causes more stress than people realise. The opportunity to develop into ‘your own person’, without the outside force of parental expectations will do you the world of good, but choose your friends carefully. Positive, sensible friends will help you to grow to your full potential.

Your left testicle is huge and I hate you very much for it. JK, but your left testicle is huge. Be thankful for your big balls and big dick, that is definitely your OCD doing the worrying for you (sounds like at least). I have a similar problem, only with much smaller balls/dick. **sad face**

I don’t know about overall use; but, Time to change policy on drug use
"Ireland’s 45 drug-induced deaths per million residents, according the most recent available figures, compared to five in Portugal and six in the Netherlands. "

Depending on your personality you might be someone that would find it easier to score in a culture like Holland than where you are now. So it is good that you are aware of the potential in that regard. If you are serious about moving their pick up some language CDs/software sooner rather than later.

The "just don’t think about it" advise is great but rather BSish for someone like your self. It is like a heroin addict going to a shrink for help and being told "don’t do heroin". Really? For someone with BDD and/or OCD this place is a harm reduction resource. You could certainly misuse it and are aware of that potential which is good. But you will find plenty of guys like your self here that have benefitted from the site. That kind of shared experience, tips and tricks, is much more helpful than "just don’t do that". How do I not do that? How do I identify triggers and stressors that make me do that? How do stop if I overdo it? How do I channel it into productive directions if I can’t not do it?

My sister stumbled upon this forum entry on my history and is worried for me, is ssri’s a decent option from peoples experiences. I’m scared of this thought for some reason and it haunts me all the time. It never bothered me before but as soon as I realised there is little I can do to change testicle size it sent panic buttons off in my mind. I don’t want to be taking damiana for the rest of my life, as I hear it triggers anxiety. I had the same fear in regards to penis size but the idea of PE eased my thoughts as I knew I could change it.

Iamaru thank you for your response, in your last few words have you any examples of how I can use it?

Smallja: thank you for your kinds words but my testicles are at best medium. How have you dealt with your issues?

Firegoat: thank you for your well explained facts, I seem to be using every possible cause to justify my insecurity in regards to my lack of development probably a symptom of ocd. Any final thoughts from you would be appreciated. You seem to be knowledgeable and experienced in this field. Should I continue PE or will this keep my thought processes the same?

Your penis size is good, so you don’t really need to PE. But PE is good; it keeps your penis healthy and it’s fun.

Plenty of guys go to the gym - some do it to get big, some do it to keep fit, some just want a little extra size but are not bothered about putting on lots of muscle, they just want to look good and function well. Some people cycle because they want to compete or ride 100 mile rides; others just want to enjoy the ride and see the countryside while keeping fit and losing a bit of fat.

I think you should keep doing PE but not be too concerned about the results, as you don’t need to worry about your size.

Can I give you a few other thoughts?

I’ve always been super-competitive; I’ve always wanted to be the best at whatever I do - but as I’ve got older and realised I just can’t compete with some of the younger guys any more, I’ve found life has become far more pleasant and relaxed - I can do things because they give me pleasure, or have reason - forget what the rest of the world thinks about me or my efforts - I’m just happy being me. I wish I had been a bit more like that when I was younger. The more I have just accepted myself, with all my limitations and failings, the more other people have accepted me just as I am. If you are happy with yourself, others will be happy with you just as you are. Everyone born has insecurities. Those insecurities only have power over us if we give it to them. Choose to be happy with yourself just as you are.

Most of what we worry about just ain't that important.

Now, please take the time to watch this pob. All of it. Please? Then, if you want to, tell me how it makes you feel. It’s my choice of therapy. Everyone should watch this. :)

youtube.com

Firegoat I realise you’ve already address this put just to put my mind at ease it is unlikely my potential penis size was harmed by stress/anxiety or a varicocele.

I will continue my PE routine and some testicle jelqing but I think the most important thing is accepting myself. Thank you for all your kind advice

I have experienced this for decades (all gone now) and so maybe can offer you some perspective.

Firstly, you are not the body, nor the thoughts… it is the identification with such that creates these type of problems. Our psychological “conditioning” simply acts out in an effort to change things into what we consider more acceptable only to find some other “problem” to obsess about and again the mind “self manifests” through the endless cycle of identification with some form of resistance and the ensuing struggle that follows.

So it is not really having to do with anything in particular but rather whatever is most convenient to get entangled with… in the case of fear the mind perpetuates itself as boogyman by hideously feeding on its own bait. It is less dangerous imo albeit more uncomfortable than self grandiosely seeing oneself in a distorted “positive” light… so this so called darkness of yours is not really all that “bad” as it effectively creates more urgency for the inevitable discovery of your true self.

Once this is understood you can begin to examine the mechanism without getting trapped by it so easily. To observe this you need some perspective and distance from the perceived “struggle”. Just remember our relationship with “mind” as we know it is OCD by its very nature…. don’t fuel the fire. It is no more than a shadow phenomena that you are dealing with no matter how “real” and scary it appears.

Surely you have noticed that these problems come and go but that there is an untarnished awareness that remains constant? Once you develop the skill or knack of redirecting the attention from objects back to this ever present pristine awareness and suddenly there is no problem at all.. at least not until the built up momentum of these so the called “crippling thought patterns” kick in once again.

For example I am sure you have woken up in the morning on occasion feeling great and needed a moment to recollect that this is not possible because you have big problems to feel bad about… the mind works by robbing you of your power and makes you a prisoner in this way.

The key is to simply disengage from the struggle by redirecting the attention back to the awareness that precedes and also remains after your momentary “distractions” (however long lasting). I know chronic problems become an ongoing issue that remain as a difficult body sensation that is sometimes experienced as almost continuous pain… but again, what is conscious of these sensations and the thoughts that habitually follow???

Find out!

The problem is we are so conditioned to direct our attention outwardly at “things” and struggle… that to observe awareness itself feels almost upside down, inside out and thus practically impossible….

As an exercise you can try looking in the mirror and experiment with looking “at” yourself “out there” and then see if you can redirect the attention to observe who is actually observing this projection so concretely in the mirror. This can be a bit trippy so take your time and don’t push it this kind of practice to begin with.

From my point of view I see your “problem” as a high intensity catalyst ultimately designed to maximize your process of self discovery.

Nothing “wrong”… just a simple misunderstanding.

See if you can relax with it a bit and automatically trust will begin to reveal itself.

Yes. Potential penis size is primarily governed by genetics; very few outside factors play a role. And your development of a larger than average penis suggests you were quite lucky with your parents.

Wait a second, how big are testicles supposed to be? Wouldn’t 2 inch be normal?

I can’t tell you how to do it. But I know that some of the guys that stuck to a dedicated PE plan over long periods of time have credited it to harnessing their OCD traits in some way, shape, or form. This PE stuff isn’t rocket science. Not by a long shot. We may not quite know how it works but the workouts you need to do are very basic. If you do the routines properly as set forth almost all guys will eventually gain. So being able to actually stick to it for 6 months, a year, 2 years; is what determines success.

Now obviously the problem in that equation for OCD/BDD isn’t letting the dog out; it is keeping that dog on a leash.

You have to be patient and committed for the help you can get when it comes to your psyche.

Don’t loose hope, you are in a dark place now but as everything it will change.. And light will shine on to Your place