Quantum Leap takes a Quantum Leap (QL's Log)

Welcome:

Welcome to my PE progress log which I needed to get underway because I realized I’d blinked & about three months had whizzed by since I’d begun my program. If you don’t care for rambling diatribes, skip down to my “Routine” & “Stats” sections. Otherwise read on & I’ll cover how I began PE, some personal history, several unsubstantiated opinions and some initial effects of my PE program that recently grabbed my attention. I plan to update my stats & program tweaks monthly until I’ve reached my goals. Feel free to just peruse or to leave comments.

Discovery:

I accidentally discovered Thunder’s Place researching something else entirely (the “Holy Grail of Cum Load Increase” and yes, what was suggested worked well for me). But as goofy as that search & result was, I remember that TP piqued my interest because amongst all the spam & BS that surrounds PE, I had happened onto a forum that seemed for real and while the guys here might not know or agree on everything about everything, they were hell-bent on figuring things out and having laughs along the way. Their problem-solving persistence and the sheer entertainment value of some of the discussions is what kept me coming back way before I believed PE might actually be possible.

After hanging around TP off & on for about a year and half-heartedly (unsuccessfully) playing at PE a couple of times, I began to ask myself, what if PE really could work assuming you applied your will and the available knowledge 100%. Personal success stories & comparative picture evidence piled on and despite what the Scientific & Medical communities say (which I began to be able to discount once I realized they hadn’t truly vetted the techniques discussed on TP), I concluded that there are multiple paths to achieve PE goals (which is when I knew TP members weren’t only just crazy). You just gotta find what works for you and work your butt off for several years or more.

Beginnings:

As a teenager I became aware that I had a penis on the smaller side of average, but about 3 months ago based on the info I was learning, I decided I could do something about it. Although I wouldn’t have much time to give it and there were no guarantees, from many TP posts I’d learned that consistency & perseverance are key ingredients for guys who have sustained long-term results.

As a man with sex addiction issues, any exercise where I’d have to sustain an erection using porn wouldn’t work for me. Further, during my recovery journey I learned that too much attention given to anything (a.k.a obsession) is not healthy for addictive personalities, so I started with and have stuck to minimal jelqing & stretching (in stealth mode no less) with the intention to keep PE a minor hobby. With some modest progress now ‘under my belt’, I’m glad I started because some changes in the bedroom are beginning to reflect what I had trouble believing my ruler was telling me.

Harbingers:

So a few nights ago I’m receiving a rather wondrous hand-job and kiddingly ask the little woman if she’d prefer I pop it in. The answer to that question would always be a firm “no” because in my world, if you were offered a handjob when you asked for sex, you takes your handjob and are grateful. But instead she responds, “I’ve been loving having sex with you lately, but,” [she sexily pauses here for effect]

Whaaa? My mind takes a hike in several directions at once. Sure, I’ve been putting in my PE time and maybe filling her pussy up a bit more than before (which coincides with my dick’s reported volume increase of 20%, not that anyone’s been desperately calculating such things) and maybe if my dick really is growing, it helps explain the wife’s comment when she hasn’t said this kind of thing since the distant past. And recently she’s been moaning & groaning during sex when before there was, well [cue crickets], silence unless of course she was monologuing about the 25 things currently on her mind as I tirelessly pumped away.

So with my mind and body being pulled in er, several directions, I’m processing her statement as she (literally) yanks my attention back purring, “No baby. No sex for you tonight because I wanna enjoy stroking your big, hard cock!” and maybe because I’m now gazing at her speechless, she seductively reassures me, “It’s such a big, hard cock!!”

Cue car-crashing-to-a-halt sound.

Such a Big Hard Cock, Part 1:

Now several additional things pop into my mind.

1) Is she talking to me?

2) Has she been drinking? Like, a lot?

3) She’s just hasn’t done “dick talk” since our early days and then only called my unit by a pet name [shudder!] unless she was really turned on. Four kids later, while our relationship’s great because we’ve worked incredibly hard at it, sex has become mechanical & predictable - no discussion (unless of course she’s monologuing, about the 30 things now currently on her mind as I thanklessly pump my um, heart out), nothing new, no blowjobs, no willingness to let me play with her lady bits with mouth/hands and certainly no sexual banter. Ever.

I’m pretty sure it doesn’t help our intimacy for her to know that I’ve got thousands upon thousands of images of other women & crazy sex acts catalogued in my head co-occupying what should alone be our space, so all of this makes her comments jarring. In fact my dick almost loses its train of thought.

4) Continuing to digest her statements (despite the heavenly tugjob continuing and with the pleasure occassionally blurring into pain because I’ve somehow made my freaking frenulum raw), even back in the day, she commented on cock size just a few times.

Off by Just 200%:

First was when we were gearing up for sex in the cramped space of the front seat of my car which was one our favorite (if strangely scented) places for sexcapades. She had excitedly unbuttoned my 501’s allowing my pent-up erection to spring to full attention directly in front of her eyes and cries out, “Oh my God! Your cock must be 15 inches long!”

Of course my member was about 5 inches (NBPEL) on my best day back then but because it was magnificently throbbing directly in front of her face, it made a great impression there in the darkness of someone’s driveway and I’ve cherished hearing those words for years. Even though they were complete & utter fiction.

It’s probably worth noting here women’s tendencies to exaggerate the length of a guy’s erect member depending on the circumstances and/or her motives & this would be a classic case in point, with a spectacular over-estimation of 200%.

Such a Big Hard Cock, Part 2:

The second comment came when I worked as a store clerk and while my (then) girlfriend was waiting on me to close the place for the evening, I begin to mop the floor and glance over to see her intently thumbing through a Playgirl calendar. For my benefit no (because I had locked the doors and nobody else was there), she starts verbally taking note of the amazing brown eyes of this guy and the dreamy blue eyes of that guy - such great eyes on twelve nude dudes. It was no doubt a shit test to determine how jealous/insecure I was.

After I’ve mopped an aisle, she exchanges the calendar for a Playgirl magazine on the same shelf & eventually pages to the centerfold and loudly, slowly exclaims “Wow!” I recall shuffling closer with my mop bucket in tow to have her explain that wow. To ask her what the hell was so fucking amazing about this guy so that I could try to negate the competition of the exhibitionistic bastard. But she volunteered nothing more despite my prompts - just continued to stare and as I reached her side it was obvious what had wowed and silenced her into a completely attentive state: a big, hard cock attached to a chiseled, well-muscled body (great eyes indeed).

Cue Pathetic Boyfriend:

Failing her shit test, I say, “His dick’s not THAT big, is it? I know a thing or two about porn and those ‘big looking’ cocks are always the result of special camera angles, y’know? I’ve been thinking about getting super-fit like that guy too but wasn’t going to because I thought you didn’t like that look. So you do like that look?” [cue even quieter crickets]

Some would say a man shouldn’t care about a woman’s opinion of his dick and/or body and I wish I’d have had the confidence not to care, but some piece of my crucial manly “don’t care” programming wasn’t there. I knew & she knew what I had in my drawers and with a heartfelt exclamation, she’d communicated her primal preference for something else entirely (at least that’s what I assumed at the time) shrinking my sexual & body-image confidence a couple more notches.

Subconscious Sexuality:

So this related thought floats up to join my internal conversation and it’s based on years of observing women I worked with in a healthcare setting where unclothed men were fairly common. Thankfully women aren’t wired to be as ‘visual’ as men and while there are exceptions to any rule, in general they seem to be nevertheless ‘subliminally visual’ as it relates to their sexuality.

What I’m saying is they may not often pursue the object of their sexual desire (and may not even know what their sexual desire is exactly because it’s buried under the 35 things they’re actively thinking about), but seeing something arousing often stimulates them sexually, initially at a subconscious level. In addition to some interesting research that supports this, I’ve anecdotally observed the outworking of it many times after the stimuli was presented and eventually came to understand that it’s mostly harmless if the woman has an outlet for her sexual energy.

Comparison Games:

Fortunately, I’ve also come to understand that most women aren’t into dick comparison the way men are and a good number of posts on TP have reinforced this for me. Even when women do compare, make comments and inevitably guffaw, chortle or giggle uncontrollably, they still don’t assign much value to the objectified body part. However, they do get turned on by certain sexual sights that are presumably hard-wired into their brains for the purpose of ensuring attraction to superior mates and the perpetuation of the species.

Granted, it occurs in a less focused, less instantaneous way than for men, so that when women see a random, overgrown cock and/or an ideal male body, it (typically) triggers a non-directional response if the woman’s guy isn’t around. For instance, a nurse may care nothing for the young hunk on the operating table who’s huge penis she is catheterizing, but nevertheless, ignoring the “seen one, seen ‘em all” trope that they may truly mean on the surface, they often still go home and watch a steamy flick or have a date with their favorite vibrator or bang their man’s brains out or all the above because their sexual energy has been ratcheted up ‘for some reason’.

So one now considers: was the (then) girlfriend just wowed in the sense of a response to her reproductive instincts when an ideal specimen was directly in front of her? Years later, I believe so which gives some solace that my wife’s mind is not twisted in quite the excessively objectifying way that mine is.

Longer or Thicker:

Her last size reference years was during a premarital conversation about whether she’d prefer my unit to be longer or thicker. The answer I wanted of course was, “I’d change nothing Will - you’re dick is sooooo deliciously perfect!” But I just had to poke the bear (a female bear is a sow but “poke the sow” just didn’t sound right) and she finally admits, as almost most women would, that given the option she’d prefer some more girth - argh, never good enough!

Back in THE Moment:

I was being drawn back to the moment which was quickly about to become THE moment but I’m still thinking about recent junk grabs, a surprise crotch massage in the basement, her noting new veins on my unit (which I tried to convince her were from weight loss & improving health), her actually pulling herself back from deep thrusts during sex and a recent cock-tease on an hours-long car drive. And earlier, she offers to massage medicine onto my groin where I’ve got a ‘condition’, when she’s never offered to do this, in fact always declined when I teasingly asked her to help me before, and in any case that oily assist just led to this enthusiastic hand-job since my dick didn’t take the near-by activity laying down.

Catharsis:

Those kinds of sex play may be common for some couples but they’ve just been nonexistent for us and taken together with the change in her vocabulary, it’s dawning on me that PE is actually working. With nothing else to blame it on, my additional .750” in BPEL & .125” in EG seem to be activating some primal reactions in my reserved wife once again. Recovery may have taught me not to be dependent on wanting to be lusted after, but being lusted after really does feel good!

Ironically it took a penis enlargement forum to teach me that PE is more for men than for their partners. I get that I could give my wife plenty of sexual pleasure in ways that aren’t cock-centric but that’s off the table for now due to issues in her past. But man, what I saw in her eyes staring at my erect member the other night floored me and when she added those words “big, hard cock” multiple times with a huge smile on her face, it was downright cathartic. If I get no more gains, these simple (unbeknownst to her) affirmations would be completely worth my efforts so far.

Thanks Thunder’s Place:

So thanks to those who created and sustain Thunder’s Place because it’s helped me to begin tackling & processing a lifetime of size-related insecurity and the gains have already served to make my wife more satisfied during sex and more sexual outside of the bedroom which I’m finding amazing.

Not that I’m completely over high-school locker room taunts. I can still clearly remember one dude say (pointing to my dick as I dropped my towel), “I bet you could fold that weiner in two and fit it thru my class ring! Ha, ha, ha!” and another, “Why do you even wear a jock strap pencil-dick?” (and internally I agreed with him because with my diminutive twig & berries that were half the size of anyone else’s, I honestly didn’t know why I had to wear a jock either - hit puberty super late in high school which truly sucked).

I still have a lifetime of memories of feeling inferior in my skin and particularly in my briefs, but I’m glad to have begun this journey, to have found a brotherhood of men on similar journeys and to hopefully give some other guys out there hope that PE can actually work. Like Eve said upon witnessing the first ever erection, I’m really curious to see how far this thing may go…

The Elephant in the Room:

Assuming guys have gone far enough down the rabbit hole, how many elephantine cocks do insecure, size-challenged men gaze on in just one week of using porn and does this objectifying activity that unlooses constant comparison between the uber well-endowed and most of the rest of us, help our damaged self-image or sex life? My difficult and painful experience recovering from this says no on both counts. The fact is that the physiological impact of porn on our brain’s wiring is enormous & eventually life-altering and for those with addictive tendencies (which is the majority of us when it comes to porn, else why can’t we just leave it alone when we want to?) the results can ultimately change, if not wreck your neurology and therefore your life, marriage, family, work, etc.

I’m not here to preach about the morality of porn although the research definitively tells us that so many of the models are not doing this of their own free will and so many are hooked on drugs and so many cry themselves to sleep every single night and so many are physically & sexually abused and so many are suicidal and what if that was your sister or brother or daughter or son caught in that web? Oops, moralized just a little.

But maybe we should (just a little) to provoke us to seek help if we need it, after all, most porn is unnatural and not based on reality and often causes us to think less of what we or our spouses have been given. And most of us are on TP for a little help anyway, right? Not to judge or to pile on shame (cause shame helps absolutely no one) but I’ll going into a 12-step recovery program for sex addiction (and to be clear, other things were involved, but the initial and primary component was and remains porn) has been one of the best things I ever did - saved my marriage and probably my life. If you have issues with porn, most locally based SA groups do their thing for free! Just sayin’.