Stress and ED

My question to all of you is: Have any of you had stress affect your sex life?

I have trouble staying/getting hard for sex, and I don’t have morning erections that often. But when I went on vacation with my girlfriend, I performed like a champ and had strong morning erections every morning. I was very relaxed.

I can’t seem to relax. I can literally feel the tension and stress flowing through my body…it’s weird. During the school year, I get stressed out without even knowing it, and the stress lasts even when school ends. I really don’t have anything to be stressed about, but I do anyway.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions on how for me to relax enough to eliminate my problem? I play guitar, golf, and different things like that to help me relax, but it’s only temporary relief. I’m 20 years old, and it is making me frustrated.

I have ruled out all other possibilites like PE and nervousness because of the vacation. Since the vacation, I’ve been a lot better, but not as good as I was on the vacation. I’m starting a new job in a few days, and I don’t want stress to affect me like this anymore.

I would like to avoid going to the doctor and getting perscibed something if I can get thorugh this on my own. Thanks to all who read this long-ass post and reply.

Hi SuperStroker =)

Firstly, sorry to hear about your stress woes. Stress is a very powerful force in the human psychological landscape, and it’s a major problem in the western world.

I’m no expert, but I can try to provide a different perspective on your problem. Firstly: are you just a stressed-out type of person? A buddy of mine is just perpetually stressed out, and it’s part of his being. It’s somewhat unfortunate, but he does use that stress as a motivator in his life, so he manages. Since you find this stress troubling, I doubt you’re the “perpetually stressed” type.

So, assuming you aren’t a stressaholic, this means that there is an external influence causing you stress. My first impulse would be to say it’s either a) schooling, or b) your own heightened sexual expectations because of PE. But I’m not inclined to respond definitively without knowing you (or the situation) any better :P

The main hint is that you were seemingly devoid of stress when you went on vacation. Now, did all the stress smack you at full force you returned, or did it gradually build up to its former level? This might be another hint to your dilemma.

Anyhow, enough of me rambling. HTH!

Thanks Jabari for your views on this problem.

As far as what kind of person I am, I’m probably one of the most laid-back guys you’d ever meet. I think in my first post, I mixed up the terms “stress” and “tension”. I’m usually relaxed, and I don’t feel stressed (Not taking school this summer).

What I feel is tension, and it’s all throughout my body. But I don’t just notice it when I’m about to have sex - I also notice it when I try to go pee. I’ll stand there for a minute without doing anything and realize that I can’t pee because my stomach muscles are so tightened up. But as soon as I relax my muscles around that area, I can go pee. Even right now as I type, I realize that these muscles are tightened up.

Some other things to think about:

- This is the first girl I have slept with, so you’d think that maybe I’d be nervous, but I’m completely comfortable with her and my body. I don’t worry about performance or penis size, but I do start thinking about getting my dick up and going. This kills the erection. During the vacation, I didn’t think about anything, and I could get hard and stay hard as long as I wanted.

Three nights ago (on vacation) I could get hard no problem without her help.

Two nights ago (back home) she had to get me hard orally, then I was able to have sex like I did while on vacation (no loss of erection).

Last night, I couldn’t even get it up. I get frustrated which makes the problem worse. I’m at the point now where I don’t want to even try anymore because of the frustration and embarassment (even though she is understanding).

- As far as PE goes, I started PE just to have a new hobby. The bonuses of this new hobby just happened to be growth! :) I really don’t see PE and sex in the same category - I see PE as self improvement, much like weightlifting (which I do three days a week). So, I really don’t see how PE could contribute to this in anyway.

- I don’t drink, smoke, or do any drugs.

That’s about all I can think about for right now. Thanks again for your help.

I think I might have figured it out now. I’ve noticed that my lower ab/intestine region is completely tensed up…anywhere and everywhere at any time. I’ve been able to catch myself doing this, and it has help me get and maintain an erection better than before. Hopefully this is the problem, and it will be eliminated over time. Thanks!

So you’re saying that your abs were tense, and that you can become erect when you relax them? Excellent =) It’s good to hear that you’ve found a solution… I guess it might not have been stress at all. Let us know how things go!

Jab

SuperStroker,

Why are your abs so tight? Can you think of a particular reason?
Whenever you catch yourself contracting the muscles take a deep breath and consciously relax them. Hopfully after a few days this will become a habit and you’ll do it automatically.

Take the first next opportunity and go on another vacation! :)

I’ve posted a new post about my erection problems in the main forum…I sure now that it has something to do with PE. I was tense last week but performed like a pro, but now this week after I did a few days of light PE, I’m back to those same problems I had a month ago.

As for the tightening of the abs, it’s just a natural reflex that I have acquired over the years because of martial arts. I do it without knowing it, but I catch myself doing it all the time and I just take some deep breaths, and that helps for a little while.

Hopefully a little vacation will be coming soon! :)

If you are ok with your current size, why don’t you just quit?

I can tell you that my erections were getting weak (80-85% or so then died right after cumming. No night/morning wood) about 6 weeks after begining my jelq program, I was back to good, lasting erections. Last 2 months my morning wood is back (I feel like I’m 25 again!!! I will say that my erections immediatly after workout for the first few weeks were weaker, but I was told to expect this. You need to wait several hours (the older you are the longer) after a work out for good sexual erections.

I quit last Saturday, and I’m still having trouble getting a full hard on, even after just three days of light jelqing. Even though I fall into the lower end of the “average range”, I’m really not worried about my size because my current size fits my girlfriend very well. I started PE just to have a new hobby and to see if it actually worked — not so much as to become obsessed with getting a large dick.

I have no further plans to get back into PE. Right now, I just need to get my dick straightened out (it’s hard not to make puns here, isn’t it?) so I can have and enjoy the kind of sex I know that I’m capable of. I just can’t seem to get hard enough for penetration.

Before PE, it didn’t take but 30 seconds for me to get fully hard. Now, it takes forever just to get to 85%. I tried massaging myself to 100% last night without lotion, but couldn’t get hard then either. With lube, it took about 5-7 minutes to actually get about 90% erect, which is what happens during foreplay. So, if I can’t get fully hard on my own, then it can’t be performance anxiety or anything pyschological…I don’t know anymore. I just want this to be over sooner than it took last time.

Do you think that frequent erections through massaging could help speed up the process? I think I might try that for a while.

>>Do you think that frequent erections through massaging could help speed up the process? I think I might try that for a while.>>

Can’t hurt, probably will help.

Like I posted in the other forum, I was able to get hard tonight and stay hard. Still don’t know why tonight is different than yesterday, but maybe I’m starting to kick this erection problem thing out the door.

Hi There SS!

I have read through all these posts up to today (Sunday), and find it, and all the responses very helpful reading.

Sorry to hear about your ED problem !
Actually, at just 20 y.o. I doubt that it really is ED in the basic sense, yet, obviously it is a problem for you. Take heart: you are NOT alone ! There are a number of things which you say, which cause me to want to ask more questions, but perhaps that’s best done in a private email ? Feel free if you think it will help.

Now, I’m more than 3 times your age (!) But, I recall having a few problems when I was a young buck like you, at certain times. That, in my case, may be because I’m a predominantly gay man, (But that’s a simple preference) though when I was about your age, I had a long-term relationship with a female who fortunately for me, worshipped my dick, so everything, surprisingly was OK.. Also, she liked me in preference to her previous, because I was not so turned on (perhaps) as he had been, (so I thought) but when he penetrated, he shot his load in about 5 strokes flat ! Even though I was not so much sexually attracted to this girl, as to guys, I had 3 years good sex with her, and an excellent emotional relationship, which is important don’t you think ?
I used to get really good sex, and, she wanted it all the time. This surprised me, as I had thought until then I was exclusively gay ! Now, of course I realize with benefit of hindsight, that nobody, (or at least very few) are exclusively one thing or another, sex is sex, is sex. The stimulus is the only different thing that actually changes our so called “orientation”.

Now, without wanting to make this post too long - it’s bad enough already ! - I would like you to consider in more depth what I’ve said in my little (true) story here. Why did I sometimes have erectile difficulties with guys ? Why did I NEVER have any with my girl, even though I’m as “bent” as the proverbial £9 note ? The answer I think is a question of ANXIETY.
You mentioned “stress”, but later corrected it to worry or something less than stress. I think you were both right and wrong at the same time. (!)

Seriously, I think your problem (if it is a real problem) is not uncommon. We all suffer from it at times. It depends entirely upon your state of mind at the relevant time.
I would like to know more, so if you want to email me, please do, and let’s see if we can work this one out so you can be rid of it for ever - OK ?

Very Best Wishes,
Modest (Geo)

I have been looking for an opportunity to ask this for the longest time…. In my neck of the woods it is common for a man to have a wife and kids and once the children are married off “turn gay” I suppose that the man was gay or bisexual all along but suppressed it untill the proper moment. Is this common all over or just here in the deep south???