Help with Erectile Issues

First, I want to make a few things abundantly clear. First, I’m not PEing at this time, as I still live in my mom’s house, and it just isn’t feasible for me to keep up a regular routine. You can argue with me about this, but you won’t get anywhere.

Second, my penis is perfectly healthy. I masturbate often, and enjoy it a lot. I have a very good understanding of my sexual response. I know when I do it too much (pain is a good indicator), and these days I only do it when I’m genuinely horny. I try to go for long sessions and avoid quickies unless I’m desperate.

Which brings me to my problem. A female friend and I have been trying to have sex several times now, and I can’t get it up. I feel horny, and I feel erotic sensations in my penis from being horny, but it won’t get erect and I don’t feel good from actual stimulation. I feel this sort of tight, restricting sensation in my pelvic area, like my body is working against my penis. I know this is a psychological problem, as I have difficulty talking freely with my friend about sex and our relationship. She is concerned that I may have this problem in the future with other women, and wants me to seek counseling.

This problem is very confusing. I can feel on top of the world, like I can do anything and have anything or anyone I want, and I feel fine when just flirting or being “normal” with her, but when it comes to something serious, I calm up and have a really hard time talking. She is very attractive, and she has everything I like personality wise in a woman: she is extroverted and outgoing, is never uptight about anything, is very honest, and is kind of obnoxious sometimes. She is almost ideal for me.

We are friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t feel the need to have a “real” girlfriend right now. I think we would do fantastically as a couple, but I’m not going to force anything. I know for certain that the nature of our relationship isn’t the problem.

Other things in my life are being negatively impacted due to this problem. I’m either angry or depressed at both home and work, and I know it’s effecting my performance. This needs to be fixed. I’m worried I might do something stupid or dangerous because of this problem.

I’m very frustrated, as I’m a 22 year old virgin and would just like to get laid already! I’ve got the perfect partner and the perfect opportunity, and my best friend (Mr. Penis) isn’t cooperating! Now, I wasn’t really in a hurry to have sex before, and I believe that now I am truly ready to start having sex. I don’t understand why I’m having this problem.

As you have figured out, it is all in your head. But maybe for good reasons with this friend. You may have already sorted out there that she is perhaps not the best sexual partner for you now.

Suppose you did not lose your virginity with her. What stupid or dangerous things do you worry might happen, in your fantasy?

It is anxiety. I’m sure you are eager to lose your virginity and feel you have waited too long and really want to make this happen with this great companion and for it to be good. The only thing you can do is relax. Make sure you communicate all these anxieties with your partner so that she knows it is nothing against her and ask her to please be patient and understanding until you are able to overcome this mental barrier. I have suffered from performance anxiety myself, and the only cure is an understanding and loving partner. Once you do not feel the pressure to perform, the problem will fix itself.

When I say she is obnoxious, I don’t mean it in a bad way. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say. It’s not that she is obnoxious, it’s that she speaks her mind freely. I know for certain that she really cares about me. When I described her, I was trying to convey how much I like her. She’s not perfect (I’m sure as hell not perfect), but she has what I want. Even before this opportunity came up, when I thought about who I would like to loose my virginity to, she was first on my list. I was so happy when she offered, it gave me confidence in other areas of my life.

The problem isn’t that I’m a virgin, it’s that I’m a healthy, young, horny guy and I can’t get it up for this fantastic person.

With that in mind, I’m trying to think of what I might do. I have a short temper sometimes, especially when something in my life isn’t going well. Sometimes when I’m really stressed out, I go off on people. Sometimes they deserve it, sometimes they don’t. I really hate myself when I do that, and I’d rather not be so angry in the future. I know that if I can control sources of stress and keep a handle on things, it won’t be a problem. This problem is causing stress, and I certainly don’t have a handle on it.

Keep asking questions, this is really helping.

I’m definitely concerned about my performance. I want her to enjoy it as much as I will. (If it was just for me, I could do that myself. I do have two hands.) I don’t expect to be Stud of the Year the first time, but I don’t want to be a grabby, smelly, pervert either.

By the way, I want you all to know that I’m glad I waited. I wasn’t ready for sex in high school, and I’ve come to a point in my life where I have direction and certainty about where I am going. Except this problem.

Not so. Many men with performance anxiety successfully shed it by using one of the erectile drugs a few times, and while not necessarily having sex with understanding and loving partners. It is true that some men experience performance anxiety every time they have sex with a new partner.

Can you get one of those drugs with just anxiety problems? I thought you had to have actual physical dysfunction before anything like that could be prescribed.

Not that I would want something like that.

You can get Viarga or generic viagra, or similar products over the internet using the web sites “online doctor”. Or basically, if you have a credit card and a computer, you can buy the stuff.

That doesn’t seem like a very good idea. If you had undetected heart problems, you could be putting your life at serious risk without seeing a doctor. Plus, you might get scammed.

Most doctors who have even a fair understanding of erectile dysfunction recognize that performance anxiety is very often treatable with just a few doses of Viagra (etc.) and will give you a script for V or another, even though your type of performance anxiety does not have a physiological ED cause.

Thanks, that’s good to know.