humiliated and ashamed

Here I’m looking for some advice after my horrible first time (doubt I can actually say this yet) with a girl I’m starting to fall for. It might be a little long.

I’ve been going out with this girl for about a month (I’m 21 and not much experienced and shes 19). She’s already been in a 2 year relationship before we met. We took things very slowly, but it was also a matter of lack of intimacy because of my roommates.

Anyway yesterday we were alone, both knew it would happen tonight, so we ate at home together, little bottle of wine, cuddling on the sofa. Couple hours after, we started some more intense foreplay…which was mainly me kissing her all over the body (mainly on the neck). During about 1 hour and 30 mins of foreplay, I felt my erection weaker and weaker. I didn’t think much of it at the moment, and besides I was now going down for some cunnilingus. I tried the technique I learned on this forum (The Real Deal), hoping for a good impression. I thought I was doing good since she was breathing rather fast and moaning, then it seemed to feel too intense for her. I was following her hips which started going backward. She moaned ¨stop it¨ but I kept going since she still seemed to enjoy it…and 30 secs later she asked me again to stop which I did.

And then she was laying on the bed, eyes closed, she seemed to enjoy herself, I kept kissing her a little bit, and then she went on her side, legs closed. Now I’m definitely not so sure she was having an orgasm anymore. After a couple minutes she told me ¨hold on it won’t be long¨. At this point I started to freak out because I was completely flaccid since a little while. After 10-15 mins she reopened her eyes, we kissed, seemed ready for intercourse, but she quickly realized that something was wrong. She was very understanding and sweet, but I obviously felt ashamed and humiliated like never in my life. We cuddled for a little bit, then I drove her home as she had to go to work in less than 6 hours.

Now I’m even more stressed out this morning. She wanted to see me again tonight, but all I can think of now is not getting it up, which gets me all more anxious. Even this morning I can’t even masturbate…my libido is non-existing.

Not so sure what to think of her laying on the side either. Also lately, my erections are not super hard when I masturbate and I barely PE. Even when I kegel it seems to weaken my erection afterwards (if It’s a couple hours after).

Now I’m asking for advice from you guys…what should I do. I obviously feel totally fucked up.

I think most of us have been there, at some point. I’m guessing you just stressed yourself out of performing. The more you worried about it the more it happened. Sounds like she’s understanding so take it slow. Communicate. Enjoy the journey and try to stop stressing. Relax. You’ve got a lifetime ahead of you. Good luck.

You should tell her everything you feel. Including what you`re telling us here. There has to be 100% communication and understanding from you and her.

John, man I can’t even tell you how much I understand what you’re going through. I had something like this happen just last night… I was with my girlfriend and we fooled around for a while and I got kind of hard (maybe like 70 - 80%) but it started to subside after a bit, and she decided to play with it (through my boxers) for the first time and I couldn’t even get a full on erection… It took like 15 minutes just to get it to like 60 - 70%. I know what the reason is for mine, but still, I felt like a loser because of that. (My girlfriend is very understanding and supportive, so we’re still good… And I can pleasure her big time in other ways. :) )

Anyway, I’ll ask a few questions… (Well, more rather you ask yourself, you don’t have to tell me)

Are you doing a very intense PE routine?

Do you masturbate very frequently?

Do you watch porn a lot?

I don’t know from personal experience, but it seems like a lot of people that do very intense routines have trouble getting or maintaining erections until they rest… However, I know from experience that when you masturbate a lot your erections are weaker and more difficult to obtain. As far as porn goes, I got addicted and masturbated only with porn for a few years and I became dependent on it and now I have trouble getting erections with out it… I quit cold turkey one week ago and I’m not watching it ever again; over time I should make a recovery.

Hey stickit, I just read your thread as well and I have to agree our stories are fairly similar. I do masturbate everyday, watching porn every time. While I believe stress got the best of me, all that porn is definitely not a good thing.

I’m stressed out all the time, let alone when I’m with my girlfriend, so I’m really fucked up now. Exercising doesn’t seem to help much lately.

Are there any supplements at the pharmacy I could get without a prescription that may temporarily help me. After a couple good sessions with her, no doubt it wouldn’t be necessary anymore. No doctors would recommend me blue pills, and while I don’t want resort to that anyway, I just can’t get to relax (alone, or with her).

Get some l-arginine or some ginseng it should give you enough to put your mind at ease

I’m not saying that porn effects everyone, but I believe (after reading a decent amount) that if you masturbate ONLY while watching porn, that you get a dependency upon using porn to stimulate you sexually. I have a difficult time getting or maintaining an erection while not utilizing porn, and I’m not fond of that, because I used to have trouble keeping them away. My suggestion (as this is what I am trying) is to watch porn less or not at all, and try not to masturbate every single day. If you choose to quit watching porn, that’s fine, but I would not suggest quitting masturbation, just try cutting it back to a couple of times a week for a month or two and see how you’re feeling.

You say that you’re stressed all of the time. That’s definitely not a good thing for anyone, but stress effects your erection as well. Try to find things that help relax your or make you feel better. I am lucky because I don’t really suffer from stress, but if you can find things that make you feel more at ease with yourself, that should help as well.

I hope this helps! I’ve only been at this for a week and it seems to be helping a bit, but I’ll probably know more withing a couple of months. Take it easy!

Thanks guys. I’ll definitely cut porn from now on. Just pisses me off that it was going so well with this girl, and now it’s pretty much doomed until I fix my issues, which may take a while.

Just chill brother. Tell the chica that you’re a first timer. Tell her to have patience with you. Tell her that sometimes when you’re on your own, your dick is a coconut chopping delight of over-pumped manhood, but that in the presence of her astral beauty, your dick bows down in reverence and worship. Tell her whatever the fuck you want, but be funny, have fun with it, don’t be nervous, and ask her for her help in exploring around for the Mr. Steel Shafts Secret Triggers.

The instant you start to have fun and get relaxed, I predict that your next post will be entitled something like: “Holy shit, I just put her eye out!!!”

If you stay in the moment and not worry about whats coming next IE: if you are lasting long enough does she like it etc etc and all the other things we worry about LOL you’ll be just fine

Hello.

John7grains, I just read from your post that you had 1 1/2 hour of foreplay. Isn’t it a bit too long?

My point being that if I had 1 1/2 hour of foreplay, my excitement will drop and eventually lead me to being soft.

Also, from what I read, you have been mostly concentrating in giving her pleasure that you completely overlooked you own. Speaking from experience, my ex was a very lazy lover. Every time we were going for a second round, I will find that I could not get an erection at will.

After analysing the situation carefully, I concluded that I was not getting the proper stimulation from my partner. I openly discussed this issue with her and the situation improved a bit.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Padawan

P.S: Don’t overwork yourself on this. It happens to the best of us.

This is a very interesting point. I can relate because I’ve been in the situation with a new partner once or twice.either that or perhaps I really wasn’t into the situation that was happening?

Anyhow, stress and anxiety can definitely affect performance. I have had that happen myself at least a few times—performance anxiety I think it’s called?

If this girl is decent and likes you, she should be understanding of this very human thing that happened to you.

If your libido is gone for longer than a week though, you might want to consider seeing a doctor just to rule out anything serious. That’s what I would do at least.

I think first timers and guys with little experience can suffer a lot of false starts with sex. Having sex is an important milestone. It can produce anxiety for some guys because it really represents growing up and separating from ones parents. I remember I came down with a bad case of the chills before my first sexual encounters. It was involuntary and inexplicable to me at the time.

I realized only later that the reason for my symptoms was that I was officially stepping out of the nest and feared falling into the abyss. I eventually got over my anxiety and managed to enjoy myself quite a lot after the second or third attempt.

Chills! Fear of the abyss! Night terrors! FUCKING!!!

Quite a bogeyman if you let it be dude. Just keep at it with her and have fun! With fun comes relaxation and good communication and with those all other good things!

I’d also reccomend getting that whang out in the fresh air a lot more quickly than you did. All this dry humping all wrapped up in your undies and shit for hours will tire a fucking dick out. Get it out in the open. Let it breathe.

Hell yeah. Fucking is some scarey shit. I hear some vagina’s actually have teeth!!