I suck at sex, what the hell is wrong with me

I’m 19 years old and have been having big problems lately. I never thought I would be a person that wouldn’t be able to get hard, or would ever have to worry about premature ejaculation. When I am with a girl I always have a problem getting it up, and if I finally get to the point where im hard enough to start having sex, i blow my load after about 10 strokes. I have read and read, and am completely out of ideas on how to fix this problem. I understand the premature ejaculation can be fixed and that doesn’t worry me so much, its the fact that I am only 19 years old and I can’t get it up like I should be able to.

Usually when men complain of this they are either masturbating too much or using porn or both.

If you are doing either, cut it out. Your erections will improve drastically when called upon.

For the premature ejaculation thing it is good to have an understanding girlfriend who can help you with “edging” (bringing you to the edge of orgasm and then stopping and letting it subside). Edging teaches you self awareness and control. Learning kegels and reverse kegels will help. PE itself (ie jelqing) has an effect of helping you control ejaculation. If you have girls that you are sexual with, choose one who you like and can trust, explain that she is such a turn on to you that you get performance anxiety and premature ejaculation. Since her being such a turn on to you is the root of your problem, naturally its her responsibilty to help you work it out. It is a compliment to her and working on the problem can be quite fun for both of you.

If you find you have to be very close to orgasm in order to stay hard, it sounds like you have the same problem as myself and many other cut guys… - If you’re not very, very excited you start to lose your erection, but if you get too excited you blow. Its a real tough tight-rope to walk for more than a few minutes.

If you don’t fancy restoring, look to what luv says… However from what I’ve heard from guys who’ve done it and are doing it - foreskin restoration could be good for solving your problem.

I can give you a couple of tips…

First of all, try some masturbation sessions where you prevent yourself from reaching an orgasm. Basicly, masturbate untill you think you’re about to come, and stop. wait a couple of minutes, and go at it again. This is a great way to know where your limit is. This exercise wont actually prevent you from ejaculating, but you’ll know early when you’re about to.

Second, know what happend when you come. When you’re heavily exited and about to ejaculate your PC muscle tends to spasm (the part between your balls and your ass if you need to go technical). If you dont want to ejaculate, try to relax that part. “Kegels” will help you achieving this, but in the end, it is all a matter of trying it (just concentrate next time you masturbate, you’ll notice these contractions if you pay attention).

Third, CHILL OUT. I remember my first couple of encounters, and I was so anxious I totaly screwed it up. Not getting an erection has probably nothing to do with you physically (although one never can be sure). Look at it this way: sex is supposed to be fun. If you’re going to stress out about getting an erection, it is not going to be fun. Take your time, be sure to do a lot of foreplay, and if the erection doesn’t come, then it doesn’t come. Big deal, women don’t feel like it on command either ;)

I personally dont believe you should stop masturbating, but just don’t do it 5 times a day. Masturbate to find things out: what do you like? What turns you on? What makes you lose control? Dont forget to enjoy it though, because otherwise the purpose is kind of lost…

Let us know how it works out.

This is exactly my problem. Foreskin restoration is supposed to help this?

That is what they say. I think it is because you will be much more sensitive, therefore it will be easier to get it up/keep it up, and then you will be able to you focus on the matter at hand and stay hard.

I am mainly adressing the erection problem:
Yeah, take it easy.. For the first times I was so nervous I thought I had gotten som kind of erectile dysfunction, and it even started to affect erection during mastrubation too. My erections went from 80% to nada very fast. I made one bad day, into hell for myself. I got viagra from my doctor at the age of 19, some months ago. And it worked, by only knowing that I could take a viagra, I would have better erections already. I never took viagra or needed! It was all in my head, it’s very important to not turn every time your with a girl into an important event. Just fool around, and see where the wind takes you. Eventually you will get more confident and things will come more naturally. You must learn that the world does not end, if you do not have sex the very night.

I would also go for the foreskin restoration, it’s a good long time investment. Just like PE. The premature ejaculation will also go away with pratice. Also cut out the porn, it’s illusive and can make problems in your love life by removing the magic in your sex, which in my opinion should mainly be a private and intimate thing between two persons, or three.. :p

I think everything will turn out very well for you. It did for me, and it’s no reason why it shouldn’t for you! :)

you see the big problem for me was I was a way late bloomer. I was always overweight, and not the popular guy, and when i got out of high school I completely turned my whole life around. I went from a plump 260 to a cut 190 at 6’4” with a wide frame, and now I have girls at every side. I have always loved women, and would masterbate 3 to 4 times a day throughout high school, and now It has dropped down to once a day or every other day. I am not cut and still have my foreskin too.

I know all of my problems are psychological, because I have built up sex in my head as one of the most important things out there. I am going to try the masterbating to delay PE and see if that helps, and hopefully next time I get some punanani I don’t get any more damn PA.

i am going to get laid in a few days and let you guys know what happends. Any other tips you guys got?

Seems I was assuming there - sorry…

Look to what luv said then. Edging, and if you do masturbate take your time at it and don’t just race through it to orgasm. This should start to train your body to take its time…

Machtenx -

“This is exactly my problem. Foreskin restoration is supposed to help this?”

Yes, the extra sensitivity is meant to make it easier to maintain an erection without having to be “on the edge” of cumming for the whole event. Hence you don’t cum as quickly. It seems counter-intuitive but this is what I am told…

Basically the masturbating and stopping just before you cum will train you to listen to your body and know when to stop yourself before you cum.

Now once you have this down you must apply it to the actual sexual situation. One big thing you must get over is that it IS OK to stop in the middle of sex (once you know your close to cumming). Give yourself 30 secs or so to recoup or until you don’t feel like your about to orgasm. This will seem awkward at first. If your nervous about communicating to your partner during sex then make sure your in a position where you are in control (Like you on top, Missionary) This way you can stop all motion yourself. If she is on top then your not physically in control and you will have to stop your partner. If she gives you a questioning stare or says “huh?” or something just say “give me just a sec.” Kiss her neck or whisper in her ear how incredible she is. Then once you recover start again slow then build up. You can repeat this as long as you want to have sex for.

The more you practice this the better you will get and the longer and longer you will be able to last. Also many women will really appreciate you stopping instead of just blowing your load in 10 strokes leaving them unsatisfied.

My wife actually commented that I was the first guy that actually stopped and recovered. She thought that was so cool.

Good luck and remember to relax. Its just sex.

~Tox

I don’t know if this will be any help, but it always helped me. There was a friends episode where Joey says: “When I’m getting excited but don’t want to get….*too* excited, I think of something else…like a sandwich or Chandler”. Chandler responds “Thanks man” and Joey comes back with “No, thank you!”.

Joking aside, when having sex, try not to focus so much on your “problems” and focus on other things, like the beautiful girl you’re with. Try focusing on her, pleasing her and how shes responding. Or if worse comes to worse, think about something to get your mind off how good you feel.

Are you saying I shouldn’t look at porn when I’m trying to masturbate “The Right Way” (Edging/training myself to go longer)? Also, would it be wise to go a few weeks of “no masturbation” and try to work at it after the 2 weeks?

lol if you go without it for weeks, you going to have a challenge edging thats for sure.

”One big thing you must get over is that it IS OK to stop in the middle of sex (once you know your close to cumming). Give yourself 30 secs or so to recoup or until you don’t feel like your about to orgasm. ”

The last time I tried this ‘trick’, the girl must of seen me stopping as a sign to start ‘wiggling’ around her hips and doing a circling motion on my dick. It was all very cool but she made me fucking blow my load! I was like ‘no no noooooooooooo, uhhhhhhh” LOL!!