My Situation with this girl.

Well this is only my second real “personal” post (the other being my very first post and that was about my PE’ing—Thanx guys :) ) and it is about a situation that I find myself in where I really seem to have fallen for this girl and unlike other girls I have fallen for her hook, line and sinker.

Well, after courting her I made my move and asked her out…:!:
OK, I thought only Shaq could make the big rejections… I was wrong. :(

I call this the ‘silent swat’. :(

She actually asked me if I was serious, yes, her exact words were “are you serious”, ouch!
Then she she swiftly swept up the rest of my shattered nerves by giving me the difinitave awnser of… Drumroll Please… … …
“I guess, well… I … no.”(very softly on the “no” there)
Well this left me in a weird state as I actually felt relived and sh*t at the same time!?!

The thing is that I still like her and was wondering if I should “kill two birds with one stone” so to say by ‘shutting her out’ and concentrating on my education and maybe some other girls, even sluts mabye?
That way if she is interested she will come to me and if not I will already have diverted my attention somewhere else, even other girls mabye?

I broke my golden rule to never let myself get ‘pussywhipped’ so as to stay ‘ahead of the game’.

What do you guys think?, any opinions welcome. :)

P.S. If DW Reads this i’ll be getting the ‘I told you so’ for my cocky attitude toward women that I wrote about in her forum. :(

Seems to me she gave you the answer. She’s not interested. I know that hurts but its best to move on. Whatever you do don’t go back, be friendly but don’t let on that you still want her. Doing so could set you up to be the dreaded “friend” that gets to hear all the shit about the asshole she is dating, but the asshole gets all the pussy none the less. Trust me this is not the position you want to be in. Avoiding her and moving on may actually spark an interest in you again, but I would play hard to get for a good while and make sure she really means it after what you describe. Yeah what she did was brutal, but in a way its more honest than stringing you along like a fish on a hook.

IMO:

I agree 100% with Luvadus.

Without proper distancing now, you’ll in up in the friend role, and that’s worse than just ejecting totally. Like Luvadus says, you’ll just have your nose rubbed in it, and that’s intolerable.

Forget the 'shutting her out' and concentrating on my education technique to get past this, just target some other girl you have a reasonable chance to be with, and let that one take your mind off this one. When you see this girl you like, keep it casual, friendly, polite, upbeat and light - like what happened doesn’t bother you in the least. Let her see you in the presence of other women, esp in some really positive social situation where there’s touching, laughing, etc (but not constrained). Sometimes that will spin things back for you - (Hmmm, gee, what a great guy, maybe…..)

Dude, you’re not pussywhipped, you just dig this girl, and you took a shot. Maybe you just caught her off-guard that time, who knows? Maybe you gotta be persistent. Maybe she’s not interested at all and that was that. Never know unless you try. Everything is a learning experience.

Like Ross Jefferies says:

• I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MY DESIRES AS A MAN.
• I MAKE NO EXCUSES FOR MYSELF.
• I MOVE THROUGH THE WORLD WITHOUT APOLOGY.

Stay Frosty
end of IMO

The above advise is exactly right.

Also, if you persue, even a little bit, she will brand and telephone tree you with her friends, and then there friends, and then their friends as—“The Pest” or something equally unfair. I have seen this done with some pretty great guys. Smile, say hi, and then totally ignore her. Practice.

I am a musician, (yea, a real one who actually reads and makes a great living at it) When I was single, I always stayed within proximity of what I wanted, stayed approachable, but never initiated any conversation. I just looked interested and bit my tongue for the first meeting. I made sure that if and when they laughed that I smiled at them. I absolutely never had any trouble getting the interest of any girl, oh , and some I didn’t want too.

Trust me, any girl who says:”are you serious”, is a first-rate bitch and needs to be ignored big time. Do this for her benefit as well as yours.

She is a first rate bitch,screw her and move on the worse thing you could do to her is to get on with your life and enjoy yourself,please dont empower her anymore,the only thing i would give her credit for is her honesty the heart wants what the heart wants,but she obviously lacks any kind of social skills.if i was you id go fuck her best friend or her mum

liquidlust1;

She may have shown absolutely no social skills in her response - pay attention to that, Cascade. But screw her mom??

I like the ‘don’t empower her’ part better. He moves on happily (apparently to everyone) with his life. She begins to think she maybe missed something?

I was wondering what would happen, as you describe the scene, Cascade, if when she said, “Well… I…. No,” you had cocked your head and said simply, “Why not?”

What do you think she would have said?

Well first i’d like to thank everyone for the extremely quick responses, and they all make great sense to me. :)

And Second, about screwing her mum,
I haven’t actually seen her mum so that’s a bit dicey.
But as for her best friend, well, she’s not all that bad and I actually get on fine as friends so who knows? —- Except she probably knows that I asked “this girl” out already due to the tendancy for females to gossip. :(

There is a weird part about her being a bitch, as she is quite a quiet and reserved person genrally but the “are you serious” came out as if she really was suprised that I just asked her out!
-Taken off guard mabye?-

She did speak kind of haphazardly with her whole awnser and even after rejecting me then said about 8-10 seconds later “yhea, I think it’s best if we don’t” also very haphazardly and the “if we don’t”part of that bit she said was so soft I could barely make out what she had said!
She may well be a bitch but she says very little and is so reserved that it’s hard to tell.

Before I asked her out I think that I had got into the whole bad situation of becoming the “friend” and must have read the wrong signals I thought she was giving me. :(

As to the bit avocet8 said about…Well, here is the quote anyway,

I think that because she said it so softly and seemingly unsure and add to the fact that it was said slowly I probably had the opportunity to say something along those lines.
I may have got a different outcome also :) .
But when I think about it she may have “dragged me along” after that. :(

Who Knows?

See, without the total picture, people tend to go with stereotypes and off the cuff, broad brushed reactions to women. Sorry for assuming her voice inflection on the “are you serious” was said in a snobby manner. Said differently could mean a whole other tact.

At any rate, moving on is the best advise. Unless you are so smitten that you stopped eating and sleeping.LOL—then what the hell, throw caution to the wind and persue with all your might.

I was dissed by my wife at first too. I definately planned my hard to get strategy—which worked. Now what do I do?!?

vivace brings up a good point.

” Sorry for assuming her voice inflection on the “are you serious” was said in a snobby manner. Said differently could mean a whole other tact. “

Not to set you up for another fall, Cascade, but I can also hear her saying “are you serious?” in pleased, surprised way, like she couldn’t believe you’d want to date her.

But you were there and we weren’t, so you have the best read.

I had a friend in college who was not a stand-out, attractive guy and add to that he was very shy with women. He got shot down a lot but he had this amazing perseverance. He just kept asking girls out. Then they started saying Yes, I think because he got confident and began to show his strengths. He was as smart as a whip, and he had humor. He got noticed.

Bottom line, start eating again. :-)

Firstly, congrats for having the balls to approach the woman of your dreams and ask her out. The vast majority of guys could never do this as directly as you did. While I feel your pain, believe me I really do, I must be blunt and tell you that you have no chance with this woman and need to move on. I don’t see any good that could come out of going after sluts in hopes of making her want you more. I would say to not give up hope, pursue things with other women, and if she DID ever change her mind, politely tell her she had her chance.

There seems to be both sides of the coin well represented here and i’m just going to have to weigh it up.

I know I was the one that was in the situation but to be honest the whole act was rather a blur, which is probably due to the extreme amount of concentration used to keep me poised throught the whole process (just asking her out ripped my nervous system to bits!) so there was probably no more energy left to remember!

Oh, I thought i’d better put this in,
When I asked her out and she said “are you serious”, because I was so self controlled (or stressed :) ) I replied in the most sinsire tone of voice “yes”.
I basically worked the whole thing like I was a computer or something and for some dumb-ass reason after she rejected me (the, “I guess, well… I … no” part, and the “yhea, I think it’s best if we don’t” part) I said “sorry”.

SORRY!?!
:wtf:
DW better not be reading this! :homer:
But what was I thinking!?
I should have just shut up and left the room, but instead I had to say someting dumb-ass like that.

Well, then she said something like :”Oh, don’t say that, now you’re gonna make me feel bad”.
Well, then I left fully-controlled and suprisingly felt OK and sort of relived in a way but then started to feel bad a day or two later.

Though now when we come across eachother she hasen’t said a word to me and seems to be “weird” around me and kind of avoiding me in a way.

BTW, Gandolf, what I meant with the whole ‘sluts’ thing was that I get with one of these to divert my mind away from her and “get over” her easier, not to make her want me more.

Also I stuffed my chances with her best friend as I also accidently let it slip that I like “this girl” in a conversation with her. :(
Don’t think my chances are too good with her best friend now.
What do you guys think?

>>Also I stuffed my chances with her best friend as I also accidently let it slip that I like “this girl” in a conversation with her.
Don’t think my chances are too good with her best friend now.
What do you guys think?>>

Not necessarily, but I don’t think that trying too hard and looking like it will help either. If you haven’t done it yet get over to fastseduction.com and read the seduction101 section, lot of good free info there.

If she is avoiding you lately that sounds pretty snobby to me! So, if she’s a snob, let her go! That’s what I do!

Btw, I had a similar experience last year when the girl I liked was told that I fancied her and her response was,”He never talks though.” And it’s true, I don’t, but I don’t know how I should take what she said. Is it an excuse for her really not liking me? I was pretty lost on what to do but now that she left there’s really nothing I can do…

I don’t know if DW is reading this but I certainly am…and I guess my “fall in it” advice wasn’t a good one. :) But 1) shit happens. 2) Because she decided she was not interested in dating you doesn’t mean she is a bitch. 3) You followed Michael Jordan’s thoughts and tried. She failed..not you. 4) From all the bs you post about woman I am quite impressed with your admitted “soft” side. Men and women miss out and move on. For those turned down, rejection can feel bad, but in my eyes, you are being saved for someone who is more worthy of what you have to offer or someone who is more compatible.

We’ll I just was at the BS Forum and saw the thread on multiple partners and in there was stuff on herpes,nasty!—- I had no idea that herpes was incurable!:!:
Guess i’ll have to do a major rethink on that whole going with any slut that comes along idea!

also as to luvdadas’s latest post in this thread; I diddn’t really get what you meant by:

—-“Not necessarily, but I don’t think that trying too hard and looking like it will help either.”—-

What does the “trying too hard” and the “looking like it” mean?

And finally, anna, I do not really think that she is a bitch but rather that the whole situation was sort of just plain awkward.
Though most of what I say is really only speculation I really only have ‘moving on’ as an option.

What’s really going to hurt no matter how I toughen myself up is the fact that I have suspicions that she likes someone else and I suppose that seeing her with someone else will hurt?
I go by the reactions by her facial expressions when he enters a room compared to others entering a room, and in general if they are talking she emits a rather upbeat auora.
The sad thing is that I knew this before asking her out but not before I had a ‘crush’ on her.

Thsi is so damn different, as I never used to get all this wacked-out just over some girl. :(

My recent “drought” is only getting bigger and I can see it leading into some form of desperation. :(
I guess just i’ll have to refocus my energy on my PE and other things and forget about relationships for a while.

Thanks again everyone for all the advice on this and I think I am going to take the safe route of desesensitising myself from the feelings she causes inside me.

BTW, avocet8, I never stopped eating and my sleep was never disturbed. :) —- Can this really happen?