Need help/advice

Hey guys I have been going through a bit of a difficult time lately, and I really think its all mental. I dated this girl for 2.5 years and everything was good sex wise, never had a problem making her cum, but I will say she was very easy and didn’t take much work. She would have multiple orgasms every time and this really made me feel good. With her I was always rock hard and ready to go and could last a decent amount if time with few stops here and there. She was on birth control so we never used condoms.

Being at 6.5 BP and 4.6 girth I was always happy with my penis, yea I wanted it to be a bit bigger, but who doesn’t. Bottom line is, it never affected me. Me and my girl friend break up and I find a new girlfriend about a half year later. We start to getting hot and heavy and the first time we have sex, I lose my erection due to being nervous/using a condom for the first time in awhile. Throughout the next few months the sex is good, and I give her a few vaginal and clitoral orgasms. Now these took a little more work than my ex. But in between these good times, there were times would I would lose my erection in a couple different positions but mainly when she is laying flat on the bed with her legs up and me standing.

After alot of thinking, I get these idea in my head thinking what if I am losing it because I’m not getting enough friction because my girth is slightly below average. This idea really fucks with my head and makes me really get down on myself. We have talks about certain things and all in all she thinks I’m ridiculous and that is definitely not the case. She is not as tight as my ex, but she feels pretty tight to me, I can insert one of my skinny fingers and barely wiggle it to touch both sides of her vagina.

The problem now is, the past few times we hung out, I’m just not my normal self, rock hard and ready to go. I stay pretty limp until she starts helping me. Now I think this has to do with my condom anxiety, my bad self image now, and my ability to maintain and last as long as I once could. I hate the whole condom thing because I feel I have to get it up super hard but keep it dry, meaning no head. The past couple times we have had sex, I literally almost busted putting the condom on, because I was trying that hard to get it up. We had sex still and she reached a clitoral orgasm, but the only reason I could last was because i just had her grind on me, with no up and down motion.

I feel good alot of the time, but then I think about my anxiety or my size and i get down and anxious and worried. I know her being on top has been a good position which I never really have lost it in, as well as doggy, or when I’m pinning her legs up. But I don’t get why my once favorite position is one that I keep losing my erection in, besides a couple times. Its killing me because I feel I can do the best in that position and control the urge to cum.

Any guys have similar problems? or maybe some insight on my problem? Anyone with similar size deal with something or feelings like this? I really just hope its all mental and not anything to do with my slightly less than average girth. I need to just be more positive and not let this get me down

You have a powerful and enviable thing going for you. You can make at least two women orgasmic. That’s a talent.

There can’t be that many men on the planet who haven’t experienced what you have: flagging erections when you need them most; especially with a new partner. If this (performance anxiety) continues to be an issue, tell your doctor. If he has any sense, he’ll give you a trial packet of Viagra or Levitra. Use that a few times to get your confidence back and you should be able to store the ED drug away and do real well without it.

Stick with your best positions. Avoid or only do for a short while positions that don’t work well for you.

You’ve already proven to yourself that 4.6 girth can make sex pretty hot. What’s to worry? :)

Your right avocet, I really have nothing to worry about, but my greatest weakness through my life when it comes to any topic, is that I worry and stress about little things too much. I guess I’m just used to giving my ex vaginal orgasms, and now I haven’t gave my new gf too many of those and more clitoral. But I do believe this is due to my problem with losing erections in certain positions and not having the same lasting power I used too. I just need my confidence back I guess. When she is on top and rides me too a clitoral orgasm, I feel good. But I feel bad that this has been the majority of her orgasms and I feel bad that shes doing all the work, and I want to keep things fresh.

I just wanna give her the best possible and it sucks when you know you are capable, but your mind messes with you too much too allow it. Hopefully it improves with time. I can get it up pretty fast, but I want to be ready to go like I used to. My greatest fear I guess is that this will keep happening for whatever reason it is (anxiety, girth) and will be frustrated and be confined to certain positions.

I dont think it is your girth. It is probly all in your head. Ease up on yourself and be happy she is coming. Just a question tho…How old are you?

These guys are right tedlarson, it’s in ya head. Just sit back & enjoy :)

I’m 22 years old…I almost believe 100% its in my head, and the other small part is saying what if its not a good fit ya know? its ridiculous. It could also be the fact that maybe it just is different since she doesn’t cum as fast as my ex, and I start to think “oh shit I’m not doing something right” or maybe its just that shes not as tight as my ex, and that’s making me feel like I’m inadequate. But once again, she feels fairly tight or at least normal. So maybe having that multi-orgasmic, quick cumming ex gf really set me up for this haha. I just feel like these thoughts are buried in my head, and i just gotta get them out somehow.

Welcome to the real world. You were fortunate in having a girlfriend who orgasmed consistently with vaginal intercourse. They exist, but the are not that common statistically speaking.

There are many women who will never experience orgasm with vaginal sex in the absence of direct clitoral stimulation, not even once. Most will not be able to do so with any frequency.

And now you are having some condom anxiety, performance anxiety, and you are finding that you need more physical stimulation to maintain an erection as you have gotten a little older. These are realities that many and probably most men here have also had to face.

The important thing is to realize, as Avocet8 pointed out, that these issues have absolutely nothing to do with the size of your penis.

Thanks redbear, that’s a good point. I was lucky to have that but have to realize every girl is wired differently. For example, my ex would cum within a couple minutes of me fingering or fucking her, but when I would eat her out it could take 45 minutes. The new gf however, seems to only take 10 mins when rubbing her clit, eating her out, or fucking. But cant seem to vaginally orgasm through fingers and I cant really tell how long is takes during sex because I really haven’t had the lasting power, but the few times it did happen it wasn’t that long. I just know she can have vaginal orgasms, so I just wanna give her both. She said she didn’t prefer one over the other, just that they are different feeling. An orgasm is an orgasm though, so I should stop stressing about it.

Your also right that I am not alone and I’m sure many of us here at thunders have gone through many of these issues I am having. I have always been too hard on myself throughout my life with alot of things. When I know I am capable of better, and dont deliver, thats what gets me down. I have been staying postive for the most part though and just hope the whole anxiety goes away and I can be back to my old self.

So we hung out this weekend and everything went good. We had sex only once, because she just finished her period and was dying to just fuck before I left, but the whole weekend I felt ready to go and could get it up in a second if I had to. I had no problem with getting the condom on, and she climbed on top and we went at it with a few stops here and there, She came with a clitoral orgasm and I did at the same time. I love that feeling. I’m still having a problem with lasting with the in and out motion, it just feels too good, but that will come with some practice. I know that the in and out motion is what will give her the vaginal orgasm most likely. Next time I want to try some different positions and see If I can re claim my confidence.

Don’t count on it.

I have had a few lovers (three that come to mind) that nearly always came with vaginal intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation. They all reached orgasm most easily if I “parked” as deeply in as possible and then “nudged” them rhythmically rather than took long in and out strokes. Simultaneously, they would rock their pelvis which no doubt provided some indirect clitoral stimulation against my pubic bone. One would Kegel rhythmically which seemed to help push her over the edge.

Maybe some other guys will chime in with their experiences in this regard.

Good point redbear, it all depends on the girl and where her spot is, and what she likes. I have had success in the past with my ex when just pushing all the way in and using that nudging technique you mentioned. This is a good technique because it does feel good for you, but not to the point where it feels too good. Thanks for bringing that up because I will definitley put that one to use.

This sounds exactly like my story. I was about your size before PE. I always got hard whenever I wanted and thought I was above average size and that was fine for me. Then I get divorced, my ex decides to rant about my “tiny dick” and my new girlfriend had just come off dating apparently a stud. Suddenly I’m having trouble keeping it up, I’d find myself thinking about if I was hard enough, if she was enjoying herself. This is how I found Thunder’s. I think a lot of members here have performance anxiety problems because once you become aware of size and how women may enjoy large penises its very easy to psyche yourself out rather than just enjoy sex.

Things that worked for me was keeping a cialis handy if needed. I think just knowing you have it if needed or just taking a bit relaxes you so you perform much better. If you are hoping for an erection its like wishing you go to sleep. These things just have to happen and you can’t think about it. Also, I’ve found that for some reason when I’m on my back and she is on top I either lose my erection or I come too quickly. For this I bought a vibrating cock ring. It makes me super hard, I don’t come as quickly and I can last longer. I know that my erection won’t die with it on so that relaxes me.

She is not as tight as past exes so I’ve worried that my girth was an issue as well. With PE you should gain in girth as I have although I’ve gained more in length than girth and girth is what I needed more. I’m trying to reach my length goal before I go hardcore for girth.

I feel for you because I went through the same thing. Hopefully some of those ideas help you too.

Your ex was probably just made about everything, thus the ranting and bad mouthing you E. Since we have similar penis sizes, I’m curious how you have done with all the ladies in your life? comments? Ive only slept with 3 girls, the first being my ex, as stated above the sex was always good and she commented many times on its length and hardness. The second girl was only a 2 time thing and just wasn’t meant to be. And now my current GF who says my penis is perfect and there is nothing wrong with it. Who knows what she truly thinks, but I am happy with its length, would just like to be a little thicker. I really think everything is all in my head because there has been times where I was fucking her in multiple positions without losing it and this was happening more in the beginning of the relationship before I started to wonder if she was enjoying it and if the reason I lost my erections a few times was because I didn’t have enough girth. Which in both cases were stupid for me to worry about, but that’s just who I am. I doubt all your problems are related from the physical size of your penis, but more the mental aspect of it, just like mine. How are things going with you current girl?

I lost my virginity to a stripper. I actually apologized beforehand thinking my dick would be too small for her. Afterwards she was like you don’t have a small dick at all its a real nice size. We had great sex. Next was a long term gf and we had great sex too and size just never came up. Next was a girl that had dated a 6’6” guy before me so I was a little worried but first time she saw it she went crazy on it orally and said she really liked my dick. I said why and she was like because its big. She was super tight so the sex was great. It was a super tight fit which later made me start to wonder about girth and sensation if the woman is not as tight.

Then I married an evil woman who had a lot more experience than I and she lost interest in sex pretty quick. Size didn’t matter to me because I didn’t use it. I would literally whack off in about 1 minute because that’s all the time I had. This started my premature ejaculation problem.

When we divorced she started saying I had a tiny dick and she couldn’t feel anything so that’s why she didn’t want to have sex ever. I know it was sour grapes but the real blow came when I started up with my current girlfriend. We had sex 3 times and I couldn’t last more than a minute so she could orgasm. I asked her if she usually did orgasm and she said yeah usually 2x sometimes 3x and as much as 10 once. I told her that was just mean to say and she apologized. I thought maybe it was because she had a long term relationship. Then I find out it was the guy she dated right before me and it was like a 3 month relationship. I wondered why she could come 10x from him and not me. My only goal was to hit 10 and I eventually did. But it took about an hour and she was super sore and probably didn’t enjoy it much. I assumed that the ex had super girth and so she could just come at will. She said that women discuss girth. She also said girth is tied to height(her ex was 6’4”) and that her ex was gross because she found out he slept with a ridiculous number of women. So I put 2 and 2 together and figured that the girth is what mattered. I’m still affected by it to this day and I think I won’t overcome it until I have more girth. I’m a little over 7 BPEL, 5 mid and 5.6 base. My current gf is totally in love with me and has no idea to what extent this has bothered me. I know its in my head but I’m hoping to finally chill out when I reach 5.5 mid girth.

Well congrats on your gains bro, I have been trying to gain and haven’t really gained much, just a tad bit of length. What type of exercises do you attribute your gains to? Your stats now are pretty impressive and you really have nothing to worry about. I guess I cant compare my experience to yours since the girl told you those things, which was kinda of shitty. My current gf has been nothing but supportive of me when I got down in the past and thinks I’m really being ridiculous. I hope I can just put it all behind me and get back to what I used to be like, and I think I am on the right path. It is comforting to here what previous girls have thought of your penis, since your pre pe penis is the same size as mine. If I could just get to 5 girth somehow I think I’d really be able to be happy and forget that I’m only 4.6 girth, its stupid obsessing over .4 inches but I guess I just want to be average.

You’ll be fine though, your current gf sounds good and don’t let it show her it bothers you because your really got nothing to worry about.