Need some SERIOUS help and advice!

Okay… quick background… I’m in my early twenties and go to college. Up until quite recently I had a lot of trouble getting women because I wasn’t good socially. Hanging with a new group of friends and learning from them has transformed me to the point that I’m now one of the guys having the easiest time picking up. However, my super-long period of not getting any meant that for all that time I was getting my sexual kicks by jerking to porn, and often.

This semester I’ve taken home some girls, and apparently I am essentially impotent with actual live girls. I can get myself hard and stay hard for a long while watching porn, but having a naked chick in front of me doesn’t get me hard! Now, since I’m not likely to see these girls again, it hasn’t bothered me ALL that much since all my friends know is that I got laid and nobody has to know the sloppy truth. I’ve been chalking it up to too much alcohol and hoping for better luck next time. As frustrating/embarrassing as this sounds, I haven’t yet mentioned the worst part.

I’ve been hanging out with a certain girl for a while, and we really like each other. We have a lot in common, she’s pretty, smart, and basically what I consider girlfriend material. We’ve been “hanging out” for probably a month now, and last night after a couple drinks it was headed for sex. I could see where it was going so I made sure to limit it to a couple beers. Now, seeing this girl for a month I pretty much see her as a friend, and porn has messed up my mind so much that I can’t see her as 100% doable since I’m starting to have feelings for her. How messed up is that!? It’s sad as hell but true… I can only think of screwing random sluts whom I have no feelings for (but even then I can’t get it done when it comes down to it)! Now this chick is a babe and dancing with her at the club and making out at her house got me hard, but of course as soon as I was about to bang her I went completely and hopelessly limp. She was totally disappointed (wasn’t rude about it but it was obvious), I felt like an utter piece of crap, and said something along the lines of “I’ve had a really tough week…” like that would make her feel better.

If you haven’t gone through this sort of thing I can imagine guys thinking it’s not a big deal and just some performance anxiety or whatever, but it’s totally killing me now and I don’t know what to do anymore, now that I actually care about a girl and don’t want to lose her over this! I’ve decided that there’s no way it’ll happen with her again, and I HAVE TO screw her brains out no matter what the next time we go there to make up for my pathetic 1st attempt. I know that “it’s a long process and blah blah blah” but I don’t even care what it takes right now… like I’m thinking of popping a Viagra and getting the job done next time because there’s no way I could go through that again.
How could I somehow get my hands on some Viagra without the usual credit card statement that would show up after ordering it online? I share my credit card with my parents and they see all of my credit transactions. Also, is it possible that I might do some damage by having an erection lasting too long or whatnot? I just need a quick confidence boost because I can’t go through that again or I’m only going to seriously sink into depression.

Teej,
first of all, make your posts more synthetics and space periods, or very few member will read them.

Viagra or cialis could be a short term aid for you, and maybe just passing the “starting point”, doing real sex, will be all you need to solve your problem.

It seem that you think that porn is the cause of your problem; if so, cease viewing XXX movie/pics etc..

Alchool is not the solution: it can cause organic ED, making your troubles much more worse.

I think your problem is this: viewing so much porn, in your brain is born the unconscious idea of being not able doing sex like those “sex-supermen” do, and/or your sex-desire is embed to “instant sex” situations: you see the girl, say “Hello” and immediately her start doing you BJ -this kind of things.

You have to adapt to real life, that’s all.

Good luck.

I’m very much the same, except I still can’t pick up women(social problems too). It’s happened to me too. I love porn way too much. If you can get hard at first it’s a good thing, but maybe you need to think about something that really turns you on, like porn, to keep you hard. I know it sounds bad, but I’ve done that before with my ex. I noticed that once I got used to sex it wasn’t hard to stay erect anymore and sex is just kind of natural then. I think the main thing is that you just have to get used to having sex regularly, and then you will be just fine. Don’t stress it either, I know from experience it only makes it worse.

P.S. Any tips on picking up the ladies?

Kick the porn, lower the booze, and relax. Chicks are very open nowadays. Tell the chick what you’re going through and she just might give you a hand.

If you can get yourself hard watching porn means it’s all in your head. Cut back 90% on porn stop jerking for 2 weeks and maybe order a small script of Viagra it doesn’t come up with Viagra on your credit card but it will be a drug store so tell the folks you ordered a brain enhancing vitamin. In two weeks you should be humping knot holes in trees. Stop drinking on fuck nights! Get yourself a regular girl for sex.

You can go to GNC and buy something with cash. ‘Maca Man’ worked pretty well for me, it would get me extra hard when I knew I was about to have sex.

Like some of the other guys said cut back somewhat on the porn and slowly cut back on masturbating until you are only doing it once a week or so.

I used to masturbate dry and this would make it almost impossible for me to cum with a girl. If you do this stop, this will toughen the skin and make it harder for you to feel her.

I have had some of these problems in the past. You can get by and good luck.

I have had near similar experiences but mine venture alone other lines related to my inability ejaculate with ease and so forth. F**K porn my dear friend its a waste of time especially if its going to screw your sexual life to the extent that it has, porn can be like a damn drug just like anything else which controls us. I think many of the folk here have given very good advice and I think its worth following. I have cut down on porn and although not entirely 100% over the past month I would say in the very least 95% and I am planning to get to the 100% mark or near enough. In a matter of a week, those random powerful boners are back. I was sitting talking to a lady friend who sough some form of advice along sexual lines and sh*t I could not even high my darn boner. Nothing beats the real thing, go for gold Teej and kick porn is this arse. * We are all different some of us are badly affected by it others not I know my weakness and thus for me its best I stay away from it shit I was near addiction levels.

I am in my late 30’s and knock on wood have never had a problem getting it up. I can ejaculate 4 or 5 times a day and drink beer all day long with no effects. I am not saying I ejaculate 4 or 5 times a day regularly at this stage, but have done it probably pretty close to a hundred times in the past. I can still do it when needed, but don’t make a habit out of it like I used to. What I am saying is that at your age you should have no problems getting it up. Get the mental part down and you will be fine. I think the mental part is the main part of any sexual problem.

Take some viagra or cialas or whatever to get you by in the short term. It sounds like a mental thing to me. Work on your thoughts!!!

Stop the porn cut back on the booze.

I think it’s a porn problem, I have some problems like this but it’s with my GF so I don’t suffer to much (off course it’s pretty hard), the Viagra will really help out because it will give a instant erection, and also will make you more confident, in a long term process, cut all the porn, it’s really bad for our minds, I am trying, it’s really more hard than you think, but it’s something you must do.

I finally, finally get why porn can be bad for men. Took me long enough. That experience is so different from what women go through it’s almost incomprehensible to me. :rolleyes: Thanks!

OK I went through exactly the same thing and I got through it. You can get hard while watching porn. So most of it’s in your head. Here’s what you can do. Call it “Operation Get-Boner-Back”

* Stop watching porn until you’ve got your boner back. Absolutely no porn. This is crucial. I like porn, but it has a lot to answer for. You should be pissed of enough at porn to want your boner back. NO PORN (for now).

* Lay off the alcohol, weed, ectascy, speed, coke etc. They interfere with arousal and ability to get and erection.

* If you’re on antidepressents (e.g. SSRIs) that might be a factor too. Stop or reduce your dosage if possible (in consultation with a Doctor, obviously).

* Diet and exercise. Do not neglect this. Seriously, I’ve heard people report all sorts of health problems and their diet and exercise is complete crap. Your body puts out what you put in. Try and focus on some cardio (at least 3 session a week) that improves circulation to the legs. E.g. Jogging, cycling, weights (squats and deadlifts are best). Get rid of the saturated fats. Eat plenty of vegetables. You booze, you lose (your boner).

* Consider vitamins that improve blood circulation. E.g. Ginkgo Biloba. Fish oil is great too.

* This might sound weird but have a look at the way you jerk off. A pussy feels very different to your hand. Your hand can do all sort of cool shit that vaginas can’t and you can change pressure and type of stimulus at will. Most guys who have this problem hold their dick with a lot of pressure when jerking off. You need to reduce the number of days you jerk off as much as possible. And when you do need to jerk off, use technique that will approximate the stimulation of a mouth/vagina.

* Don’t put pressure on yourself. Figure out ways to relax. Exercises, mantras, whatevery works for you. Stress kills boners.

* Have a backup plan for sex. If you’re worried about your boner not working, cunnilingus is your emergency parachute. If you’re crap at it, read, read, read. There are plenty of good tutorials on the net written by women. Essentially, get her worked up, locate her clit, tease at first with variation and work towards consistency at the end. Expect to put in 10-30 minutes of serious clam lapping. Also, it never hurts to try a few things and see what she likes best. All girls are different. Ask her even (just not every five seconds while in the act).

* Find some excuses that take the pressure of your both. Blame:

- medication.
- you want to take it slow etc.

* My advice would be to stay the hell away from viagra. You want to get your natural boner back. You don’t want to make viagra a crutch for getting an erection. Try the natural approach first. Viagra doesn’t solve the problem, it avoids it temporarily.

Great post paulski, that is sound advice organized nicely. Well done.