Please help me...

Hey Everyone,

Sorry this isn’t PE related, I’m pretty happy with my size, 6x5.5 for those who care. I have a much bigger problem.

I need to know if anyone here has ever dealt with performance anxiety issues. I have a wonderful, sweet girlfriend, and we are in love. She had never had a relationship that included sex until me. Anyway, the first couple of times we had sex, it was fantastic, it lasted 20-25 minutes, we both had orgasms, and I thought everything was great.

Suddenly, about two weeks ago, I hit a wall. I can get erections easily when I masturbate, I can get them when I’m getting a handjob, but I can’t keep one when we want to have sex, it’s like I’m afraid. I’ve even lost it once or twice during sex. This is really starting to get to me.

Has anyone experienced this before. I really want to please her, and let her enjoy herself to the fullest, but I feel like less of a guy every time this happens.

Oh, I should give a little background. This has happened to me before, but it was never with someone I cared about this much. I just need to know how to break the cycle of anxiety.

She and I have discussed it, and she has told me she loves me, sex isn’t our relationship, and she will back me 100% on everything I need to do, she just wants to be with me for who I am, so I’m confident and secure in her love and all. I just want to be able to give her everything.

Someone please tell me how to fix this.

Thanks

Are you doing any type of PE? Like manual stretching?

How often do you masturbate?

Sounds like you have a good girl! I’d say, take a break from trying to have sex for a couple of weeks, and just do everything else. This way, you won’t have to think about it and get stressed out. You’ll be able to relax. Once you get used to being comfortable, then re-introduce sex on the spur of the moment while you’re feeling good and relaxed about it. Maybe it will help.

I don’t really do PE, I was never too worried about that. Every once in awhile, I’ll do some stretches and V-stretches, but not on a regular basis or anything.

As for the masturbating, it really depends on what kind of week it is, some weeks it’s once a week, sometimes it’s once a day. It varies, but I do it often enough to know I can get erections.

She really is a sweetheart, that’s why this bothers me. If she wasn’t worth it, I wouldn’t worry about it as much.

The advice I have given is:

since you have an understanding partner, plan on non penetrative sex play for a while. Knowing before hand that there is no pressure, you’ll probably get the best wood of your life. However it would be good to stick with the non penetration plan for a while. At least until it looks too fucking silly not to use a perfectly good hardon.

Luvdadus,

Sometimes you are such a freakin’ sage that I can’t stand it!

I would never have thought about non-penetrative sex for awhile.

So, now I know about 1) non-penetrative sex and 2) sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon, out-of-the-world experience.

Honestly, these are two very important, balanced viewpoints that help me. I want to start thinking like this about more things in sex. Being reasonable.

Thanks, Luv!

-BH

luvdadus gave you terrific advice.

I am a past holder of the Annual Performance Anxiety Poster Boy Award.

If you are successful at masturbation and at getting a rise for PE and you have a healthy pattern of nocturnal erections, what you have is in your head, the top one.

Performance Anxiety usually arises out of a failure or two or more at intercourse. Trust me, everybody has them from time to time. Fear of failure becomes a self-fullfilling prophesy. You think you might fail; you do. Performance Anxiety is most common with a new partner.

Another tip in addition to luvdadus’s: If you feel anxious, tell her right out that you are anxious. Any woman worth her salt will hear that and think nothing of it. Spend the night together (no sex, just good cuddling and talking). Odds are that by morning, fully rested and your T levels at their height for the day, you’ll surprise yourself and her.

A short course of Viagra can help a lot. Doctors know this and will prescribe it just for performance anxiety. A couple of super successes and you can put the Viagra away, keeping it around as a “security blanket.”

I should point out that Performance Anxiety and Erectile Dysfunction are not the same animal. If any reader has continuing failures solo, a low level of nocurnal erections, then something is not working right and should be checked out by a good urologist with an interest in ED.

There are so many solutions to ED these days. Seeing a uro is sensible and can usually put you right back in the saddle.