Question for the guys who can pound away and choose when to ejaculate

I am working on my sexual stamina. I have great ejaculatory control in that I know exactly when I’m about to come, and can choose when to ejaculate, but yet poor ejaculatory control in that doing so involves stopping completely when I’m about to orgasm, and this obviously can frustrate female partners, because generally when it starts to feel “too good” to me, that’s just when it starts to feel “good enough” for them to orgasm. I have an above average dick and women love it, but it’s like the second they start really enjoying the sensations of my big dick, I need to stop because the stimulation is so much for me. One thing that I do naturally is tense my PC muscle EVERY TIME there is stimulation to my penis. So I’ve been working on breaking this habit (a life time of masturbatory and sex habits is hard to reverse). So basically I do my best to keep stimulating my dick while releasing every muscle, and enjoy the penile sensation as a more passive thing rather than tensing up and really embracing every sensation. Doing so causes my penis to be slightly less rigid at first, but after a while it gets just as hard as when tensing, and perhaps even slightly bigger. It’s just sort of weird because I’ve become so used to subconsciously tensing my pc muscles at all times while my penis is being stimulated that now releasing them and continuing still feels amazing and intense, but its almost like I’m fucking with someone elses dick, because the sensation is less acute. Yet I still approach orgasm quickly when I start getting into a rhythm (It still feels like I’m RIGHT about to tense my muscles even when I release the tension, its a work in progress).

My question is: Is this learning to release this tension while fucking leading me down the right path toward porn-star fucking without frequent breaks ( I realize pornstars do take frequent breaks, I’m just using this as an analogy)? I’m curious if this is something that you can relate with in terms of something you do naturally or began to do when gaining sexual stamina. It feels like when I can enjoy penile sensation without any muscle tensing at all I’ll be able to fuck like a pornstar and choose to come by tensing my muscles. Please note I’m looking for advice specifically on how to get better at being able to actively fuck without ejaculating, not tips for stopping/starting or implementing taking breaks. I know some guys can naturally pound away and actually have more trouble ejaculating than not ejaculating, so I’m trying to figure out if there’s something different they’re doing beyond just a different genetic ejaculatory trigger set-point.

Relaxation is an important part but it’s probably something that you can work on if you continue to take pauses as you need them. You will probably find that it’s easier to control yourself when you enter second third or fourth times.

The question is what do you do in between. The answer may well be to use your mouth. You should probably be trying to get your partner very close to orgasm with fingers and mouth before you even consider entering and then when you need to pause switch back to fingers and mouth. If you can judge it correctly you can successfully deny or give orgasms and sometimes getting close multiple times is more fun (other times multiple orgasms are more fun).

Vaginal stimulation is different from clitoral stimulation and some women seem to find it hard to deal with a switch between penetration and clitoral area stimulation. Finger based vaginal entrance stimulation can help bridge the gap but as with many things related to sex, it’s how your partner feels that counts. Maybe they hate being teased, maybe they love it. So communicate with each partner, even if that communication is a matter of you paying more attention. Most people want to have good sex and anyone with a bit of experience knows that it can take a bit of time to get to really good sex. A giving partner will help you get there because it helps her get there. If you spend more time thinking about how to pleasure her, you’ll probably find you last a lot longer.

I know that’s slightly away from your focus, so maybe this post is not useful to you.

I am one of those guys.

You are on the right track and waay ahead of many guys in this regard. Few women complain if you switch back to oral every little bit.

Thanks, I think it was useful. I do agree that it’s nice to mix it up and maintain stimulation when a break is necessary, but I also agree that sometimes it can be too much of a switch to go from that intense vaginal stroking/stretching to oral or manual stimulation, so I’m working on moving past the start stop type stuff, hoping to get to a point where I can vary rhythms and start and stop at will, so that when a woman is tenting and ready for vaginal orgasm, I can deliver the consistent rhythmic stroking necessary to reliably bring her over the edge and beyond. Solid advice though, to myself and others.

Thanks also, I know that even just choosing when to ejaculate is a big plus, and that’s come from years of experience/practice. Yes what you’ve said is true (After all, if I was going at it and a woman stopped me because she had to suck on me I certainly wouldn’t complain) but sometimes in the past it’s been obvious that although the continued sexual attention of switching to clitoral stimulation is appreciated, once you pass a certain threshold of arousal most of my partners seemed to have had their fill of “beating around the bush” so to speak and simply want some meat in their potato (haha), ready to be taken for a long hard ride. It does feel good to be at this point though, because as sexual technique goes I feel like learning to apply this kind of sustained and targeted fucking at the point of female orgasm is the stuff of a master class moreso than sexual technique 101. I’m just at 25 years of age now and looking to settle down with a breathtaking girl I’ve recently met, so in my mind it’s about time to put the icing on the cake in terms of these sex basics, though of course being a good lover is a lifelong journey/commitment. Although sometimes it can be nice for a women to feel you ravage her and come at will, I definitely think women tend to also appreciate both the physical and mental aspects of knowing their man is in absolute sexual control and able to put them through their sexual paces, and vice versa.

The question is not one that I can answer easily. What I have found is being let’s call it under the gun to make sure to please the girl that I was so extremely attracted to that I did not have the choice of when and if. I was afraid of disappointing her and I would just do what she would ask which was for me to thrust away continuously until I was asked to stop.

It doesn’t really matter to me if I cum or not. After I get through the first 20-30 minutes, the rest doesn’t matter so I can give it to her for as long as she wants. We would normally go well over an hour and sometimes even past two hours. The longer it lasts, the more fun it gets.

I had next to no confidence at all to begin with and some very real size issues at the time that annoyed her and I soon found out I did not have any size issues at all. ..unless you want to count her complaining about my dick being too large! But I did not let that bother me!

So I’m trying to decipher, are you saying you got to this point of control from a starting point of occasionally not being able to go as long as you want? Or you always had that ejaculatory control but couldn’t “choose” when to ejaculate because you were putting her needs above yourself? If it’s the former, can you think of anything you changed that helped? If it’s the latter, then yes I hear what you’re saying, there’s definitely a balance of give and take, and sometimes taking can be like giving (I’ve had partners who got off on feeling “used” so to speak), but I’m not really there yet. I can relate to that sentiment of wanting to rock their world, and the idea of them getting off definitely contributes to bringing me close to orgasm, but in general my penile sensitivity is extremely high, which is a blessing in most ways, but can make it difficult in this scenario. I have a fleshlight for example, and the issue is the same without a woman. The mental stimulation likely plays a role, but even just the physical sensation can get me ready to pop at a moments notice. I can stroke at the beginning, but once my penis is fully hard, the hyper sensitivity starts. This is one thing that’s changed with a bigger dick too, in the past the fits with women weren’t as tight and the lessened friction made it easier to give them multiple orgasms without coming, which is sort of counter intuitive. I have no regrets growing my dick though. It’s also definitely easier to go longer after the first ejaculation of a day, so hopefully when we move in together I’ll get so used to fucking with the desensitized second or third erection of the day that it will carry over to the first of the day after considerable “practice”.

I’m not in a position to give much advice on this topic, but there is one thing that’s done wonders for me: breathing. Slow steady breathing. It’s like night and day. I find that trying to focus on the pelvic muscles is often counter productive for me. I’ll end up reverse kegel’ing too hard and inflate my glans, sky-rocketing the stimulation or otherwise cause the opposite of what I wanted. But focusing on my breathing helps take my mind off the stimulation and relaxes the pelvic floor in a more subconscious way.

It’s almost like meditating - just don’t start humming, that might freak her out ;)

You have to make your posts shorter when asking me questions. I can’t type very well only a couple of words per minute!

I did not change anything. I was always in full control.

I could have chose to ejac much sooner if I wanted but that I did not. She would not have been very happy with me then.

No one is being “used” or should they be.

I think you are making too big of a deal of it

I need a lot of air if I want to last. I can work up quite a sweat after over 45min of continuous pumping it’s hard work! I’ll be breathing very heavily and panting like a dog otherwise, I’ll pass out in the first few minutes ! I don’t think she’d be very happy.

Thanks, funny you mention that, we’re actually very interested in getting into tantric sex. I haven’t had sex with this new one yet, we’ve just started talking and she’s out of the country at the moment, visiting this month. I agree, breathing is important. I do feel the muscle focus is equally important though, until I can make not tensing the norm rather than tensing. I need to figure out how to inhibit the sensory stimulus from approaching the threshold of orgasm so easily, and I think the muscle contraction is contributing to this. After all, we don’t need a developed pc muscle to get an erection. In fact we don’t need any striated muscle to get an erection. So the fact that I’m tensing mine constantly is definitely not necessary and likely hindering rather than helping both my EQ and my stamina.

My instinct is to be cross about your last two replies but the name of the game on this forum is help and positivity, so I will just say this: I only asked you followup questions to see if I misunderstood your initial reply which seemed irrelevant, and you verified with your response that it was in fact irrelevant. Just telling me you’ve never had an issue, or telling me I’m talking too much to you or that the topic isn’t a big deal is completely irrelevant to the my request for information, and obviously if I felt the topic didn’t matter I wouldn’t have created the topic. This subforum isn’t the appropriate place. There are other places for irrelevant thinly-veiled brag posts and you’re welcome to them.

I think there are threads here re: multi male orgasm where guys learn to have an orgasm and hold back their load with a lot of kegels and practice. It sounds like a great technique to learn.

I take a change of pace breather by going with deep short thrusts - pressed deep for clitoral stimulation and reaching deeper into the vagina than normal thrusts. At the right time this seems to really get my wife off while I step back from PONR.

Thanks. I hear you, it’s reminiscent of
Vincent’s “give her the big o” capital alignment technique. As far as the multiple male orgasm thing, I can have a dry orgasm without triggering ejaculation, but not while continuing stimulation.
I can also hold semen in during ejaculation, which is amazingly unpleasant (retrograde ejaculation). All that takes is a strong PC muscle.

I think you’re getting me wrong.

The long paragraphs/posts are more difficult to read/reply to on any forum. Spaces or lines in between make it a lot easier to reply to only the part of a post that best answers a question. That is relevant here and on every forum. Not directly relevant to your question but indirectly relevant to reply to in general.

>Your reply to my second last post stated that you were trying to “decipher” my previous post, which I stated clearly that I was not that easy answering your initial question; and you came back at me with a long paragraph that was kind of a dogs breakfast. I was not saying that you talk to much. Not the case!
It sounded to me that you are in somewhat of a panic is what I was aiming at.

When I stated that you are making to big of a deal about it my reply was a little blunt… (you’ll get a lot of those kind of replies here!) but I sincerely meant just that. In other words: you need to calm down and relax and don’t make a bigger problem out of it that it actually is. I’m trying to help you focus on the most relevant part of your last reply and it sounded to me like you need to stop letting your problem get the better of you.

Over analysis of your problem is will end up driving you crazy. You are trying to find too many answers at once! Instead of inflating the issue, break it down. Eventually, you will find the solution.

Like I stated it is not easy to answer your question!

> In my last post, I was just stating that I will have problems with slow breathing and need a lot of air.
I find sex to be hard work I find it much like endurance running and I don’t breath that well. I will get light headed without lots of air.

One time, I remember everything turning black and I nearly collapsed on top of her!

When I first got married I would ejaculate almost as soon as I entered into my wife. She became pregnant on our honeymoon and our 1st daughter was born 10 months and 5 days after we got married.

I know that she would get real frustrated at my quick ejaculation as I would then lose the erection, sometimes it would remain stiff enough for her to work up an orgasm. The very 1st time we had sex I was so nervous that it took forever to cum that I was literally sweating and thought that it was like hard work, however the 2nd time it just squirted out within the 1st couple of pumps.

With time I learnt some control and now I can literally go for hours if need be. She always orgasms long before I do. In actual fact sometimes I get so darn frustrated because it just seems to take forever.

It sounds like you are on the right track, relaxation and deep breathing help very much. Don’t try to over think it though, I have great control and can orgasm when I choose. You need to have some techniques up your sleeve to help delay on occasion though, like slowing down, changing the rhythm, depth, or the angle. All of these can help. Don’t underestimate the visual side too if she’s smoking hot, sometimes it helps to close your eyes or look away to refocus. Good luck.