Sex + the refractory period

Okay so when I have sex, the first time of the night (if I havn’t come in awhile) I cum pretty fast (usually some where between 30 seconds-10 minutes). Then if I wait 15 minutes or so after coming (until I can have sex again) I can last as long as I want and I have to try to cum, its great. The only thing that stops me is that I go kind of soft after 30-45 minutes (sometimes less depending on the position). Of course if I wait a few hours between having sex I wont have nearly that ability for lasting longer, but still much better. How normal is this?

My second question is on the refractory period after orgasm. What is that determined by, and is there anything I can do to shorten it even more? If I kegel does that only hold off ejaculate, or might it shorten the refractory period as well? I was thinking that if you can 100% kegel and hold off ejaculation, you can maintain erection. My BC muscle isn’t as strong as it used to be so I might only be able to do 60-80%, do you think that will still help shorten that refractory period a little bit?

RandomGiant:

Sound pretty normal to me.

As to what determines the refractory period, it could be biochemical or hormonal.

Wikipedia reports that "An increased infusion of the hormone oxytocin during ejaculation is believed to be chiefly responsible for the refractory period and the amount by which oxytocin is increased may affect the length of each refractory period." It’s something that in the past, I speculated on as a possible reason not to ejaculate immediately after your PE session if you believe (as I do) that remaining ‘at size’ for as long as possible after your session is beneficial.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_(sex)

Oxytocin may also be related to bonding:

Thanks lampwick. Anyone know if there is a way to shorten that period by lessening the amount of oxytocin or by any other means? So I guess all of those hormones are triggered by ejaculation and not necessarily orgasm right? If I have a weaker ejaculation (kegeling it off) could it be possible that my refractory period wont be as long? I know that the refractory period is also pretty dependant on age too, wonder why that is.

It’s more likely that prolactin is the major culprit since oxytocin wears off much faster after orgasm than does prolactin, a hormone also released by the pituitary gland at the time of orgasm.

Since prolactin is an important hormone from an immunological point of view, it wouldn’t be a good idea to try to supress its levels in a man whose ejaculatory response is not completely haywire. Your refractory time is pretty normal, RG. There are a lot of guys with 1 - 2 hr (or more) refractory periods who might envy you being able to pop back in just 15 minutes.

Normal. I’m the same way so don’t sweat it. As always just make sure you give lots of foreplay. Either make her cum first with, or get her to the edge with oral. That way she won’t have far to go when you slide it in.

Naab I dunno my girl was never really into much foreplay and thinks that oral is just weird even though I can make her cum with it pretty easily. Just a bunch of kissing/caressing and then a couple minutes of dry fucking and shes ready to go. I don’t always make her cum the first time (if i cum especially quickly), but she is a pretty easy cummer and will always have several orgasms the time after that.

Another thing that bothers me is that I will go soft after awhile of sex. I think this might have something to do with me angling my dick so it rubs up right against her g spot (along with an upward curve). She loves this and rubs her clit against my fat pad while I do this, but it also puts a lot of stress on my dick so that probably is why that happens. I dunno usually what ends up happening is I make her cum, followed by me going nice and slow to get my erection back to 100%, then fast jackrabit sex to make her cum again, slow to get back to 100%, and back and forth. It also happens when I don’t do the g spot stimulation thing that much either, but its something I can live with. I’m definitely happy with what I’ve got going, but I’m always trying to make things better.

If kissing and caressing gets her in the mood, then that’s foreplay for her. As long as you do that, and don’t just jump straight between her legs, you’ll be the man. When I was younger, I didn’t understand that and always went straight for the gusto. Which is why I seldom got call backs.

As for the other part, you are lucky as hell. A multi-orgasmic woman is the ideal. And she cums easily too (does she have a sister?). If she is a good woman you better hold on to her, because women that cum like that don’t come a dime a dozen.

Loosing your erection halfway thru is not unusual either. Think about it. You’ve already had an orgasm, and you’re still stroking like a rabbit to get her off. Your dick is getting a serious workout. Personally it sounds like you’re just great in the sack. I’m sure she thinks so too so put your mind at ease.

Yeah she’s great, got a sister too you’re in luck. Yeah nothing turns me on more than girls that cum like that so I guess it works out pretty well.