Situation With GF

I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

I’ve been with my girl for about two years now. We’ve broken up and gotten back together many times in the past (with me doing all the breaking). We started talking again recently and went for a drink…which we ended up having at her place. You know the rest….

Afterwards, she’s like, “I’m so glad we’re back together”. I’m thinkin’, “We are?” So we fuck once after not seeing each other for like three months, and all of a sudden we’re “back together”? I know she loves me, and I’ve never been loved as hard as this girl loves me. I love her too, but I’m not wildly, madly in love like I was in the beginning. She’s almost ten years older than me, she wants different things… like for me to move in with her and “taking it to the next level” and all that stuff. I said I liked things the way they are now (then)… but she didn’t want to be in a “state of perpetual dating”.

So anyway… we’re “back together” now. This girl has a hold on me like no other girl I’ve ever known, but if I’m with her too long, I feel like I gotta get away, but when she’s gone for good, I pine for her. Any other chick I meet in between just doesn’t do it for me like my girlfriend does, which is why I keep falling back into the same patterns with her. I told her that I couldn’t give her any commitments, which is honest, I don’t want to lead her on, but she continues to refer to me as her “boyfriend” and she as my “girlfriend”. So I figure I’ll take it one day at a time.

So technically, if she wanted to date somebody else, she’d be in the right since I didn’t want a commitment. Right? I already know that I couldn’t handle knowing that she’s fucking other guys, but this is the game I chose to play. So if any strange floats my way, I should get it, right?

Okay, check this out. I spent the weekend at her house. All we did was fuck. Like four times a day, we’d go at it. (We always had good chemistry in the sack). Sunday evening, we’re laying in bed. She’s asleep, I’m up. The phone rang and the machine came on… some dude’s voice on the other end. It’s a guy she used to mess with. (she has the annoying habit of keeping in touch with past lovers). I know she used to fuck this guy, and he’s calling and it sounds like business as usual, not a random “long time, no talk” phone call. So I’m thinking, why the fuck is he calling? Coincidence? Why keep in touch with someone you used to fuck unless you plan on fucking them again? This dude is also somebody that my girl would’ve “really liked to persue something with”… and here he is calling her. So I geuss she never stopped talking to him all along.

Now, hearing a message like that would normally make me very pissed. Pissed enough to fight about it, but for some reason, I just couldn’t get mad. I thought my jealousy would kick in, but it didn’t. I didn’t mention the call. I don’t even think she knows that I heard it. So I guess I know why she’s always coming home late from work…having drinks with somebody… grooming her next fuck? If I brought it up, it would only backfire. After all, I’m the one who didn’t want a commitment, right? That’s why I kept my mouth shut about it. Then again, if she heard a girl’s voice on my machine, she’d have something to say, no doubt.

I’m not as upset over it as I thought I would be, but yet it still gnaws at me a little. I should just forget it, right? Should I just go on living my life, and if another chick wants to throw it at me, just take it? I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna be able to handle an “open relationship” if I have to be reminded all the time that my girl is getting fucked by someone else. But that’s the bed I’ve made so I guess it’s time to lie in it, right? I might as well forget about it and see how this will unfold.

I wonder if my lack of jealousy is a sign of my waning love for this woman…

Yo say you cannot really go on without her. She cannot go beyond you. Yet you cannot feel a littl jealous and possibly scared that she may actually do what you want which is an open relationship.

Well check it, you have feelings for her obviously but are they genuine or through obligation? In other words, all you gys have done recently is fuck and that is the focus but is that what you are looking for? because if it is, than you have no right to get jealous. If she is looking for more, she should not be fueling the fucking part as much and focus on the realationship part of it.

But then again, if you really want to go for something than i suggest that you and her talk through things. Why go on feeling one way and not bring it up? You two are togeher now right? so let her know. Her intentions are either for her benefit or for both. The same goes with you.

Unfinished buiness dwells within sexual tension. Your body will do the talking if you wont. Why deal with this later? Deal with it so it doesnt have to bother you. You do not need the stress and the drama. Just think about what you want. Does she have ALL that you want? Is she all that you want forever?

Dont give yourself any false hope and keep her as something to fall back on. You are short changing yourself and being unfair to her.

If this helps any let me know. Till than, good luck with whatever you do.

Laterz

Man i have tried to bottle it up with my chick in the past, but i just explode after a while, I would talk to her and get things right, if she loves you enough she will listen and work it out.

Well thats what I would do, but you know her better than any of us so yer….good luck.

Prickle,
this is quite close to my own situation now. I met a girl who I liked a few months ago and although I thought she was too pretty for me she was very interested and we ended up going out. It was pretty good but it all fell apart three months later.
She’d told me she loved me and still does to this day. It’s now three months or more since we broke up and we’ve been off and on for ages. Every time we split up she’d be straight in with other guys pulling them, although she said it was because she was insecure about whether people liked her.
I don’t know, I could ramble for an hour about how fucked up and stupid the whole thing is, how it’s on and off, how I don’t return her love, how I get jealous when guys are talking to her. We live very near each other which makes it harder as I can’t avoid her for a few weeks till I move.

Although it’s hard I think you’ve just got to let go and move on. Even if it means being on your own for a while, you can then just PE for a few months and see what’s out there for you :)

The whole thing is that when you are in a relationship, there must be ground rules. You must let your partner know what is out of bounds.

If you don’t tell her that you don’t want her screwing around, how is she to know?? How is she to know that you aren’t playing around on her? (You probably are, right?) Has she told you that it is unacceptable?

Unless she is breaking the rules, then just quit while you’re ahead and forget about it. She’s not breaking any laws. You have it the way you specified.

If she is “cheating” on you (ie you have rules against that in your relationship) then bring it up with her, and at a worst case, dump her for good. (I know this option is not happening because I have read your posts before)

As for the relationship as a whole, wtf? If it is just a casual fuck buddy you want, tell her. Otherwise get serious, and show some commitment.

I agree with secjay to a point.

It seems to me that you both want to have both sides of the coin.

Looks like she would like to imply exclusivity while keeping her own options open, and you seem to want her to be exclusive to you while you keep your options open. Why not just tell her that its cool if she wants to fuck other guys and you’ll have other girls too. That your relationship is a fuck buddie relationship and tell her not to refer to you as her BF and you won’t refer to her as your GF. You don’t own each other at this point, just be friends with sexual fringe benefits.

I wish it was that easy, luvdadus. It actually is that easy, but I can’t avoid that sting. There is no point in bringing it up. Most likely nothing’s going on, she’s never lost touch with this dude the whole time we’ve been dating. It’s like she keeps a “spare cock” on the side. So, I never liked that aspect of her personality. She’s one of those chicks that stays on good terms with her exes…. call me old fashioned, or crazy, but I fucking hate that shit. I hate all that shit. Nothing agrivates me more than that, aside from actual cheating. It’s an aspect of her personality that I always hated.
We have a lot of sex, but our relationship is more than just being “fuck buddies”…there is real love and affection between us, if there wasn’t, I wouldn’t really give a flying fuck who called her and for what.
You see, the main problem is I brought this upon myself. I’m playing a game I thought I could handle, and I’m not gonna break the rules and tell her what to do and who to see, I just have to adjust myself to the pain that comes along with it. Technically, on paper, I’m not supposed to get mad… I’m not allowed to get mad… and I’m not, but it’ll keep gnawing away and gnawing away. This is what I asked for, right?
What fucks with me is that she’s so lovey dovey to me, and this dude is someone she “always wanted to pursue something with”, so why call yourself my girlfriend? Part of me wants to be like, “You want him? Then go.” Then there’s another part of me that wants to fuck this guy up.

Whatever. I guess I’ll just have to ride it out. If another girl wants me, then I’m just gonna take it. Fuck it all. I knew this would hurt. Funny thing is, I know chicks that are younger and hotter, but they don’t interest me the way my girlfriend does. I haven’t met a girl yet that will make me forget her. It’s like trying to back out of the mud. I’m stuck.

The only thing in my way are feelings. Once I figure out how to turn them off, I’ll be fine. I’ll be free. No rules have been broken…yet. I just wish it wasn’t in my fucking face like that. My feelings for her are too deep to be casual without pain. So I guess I gotta suck it up because I started it. I can’t be cryin’ about it now… so I didn’t wanna move in and marry her, what other options are there? I don’t know. We’ll see how she reacts when she hears a female voice on my machine…then she’ll push the whole, “Hey, I’m your girlfriend” issue, but if I complain about past boy toys calling her, she’ll be the first to say “I thought you didn’t want a commitment”. I cannot win, so I might as well keep my mouth shut.

Dude this sounds well similar to my situation for the last 4 years.Like you , i’ve always done the breaking up but when we’re single , she’s the one kissing loads of guys and i aint getting none! Thats probably the reason i always try and get back with her after a while but its also that the feelings go way deep and everytime i know its a bad idea but i have to do it anyway.

Cut the story short , this has happend like 4 times and has brought me to now what mite be a similar situation to you.Although she’s been with others , i think her feelings for me are stronger than mine for hers.Also , i know we’re not going to be together for ever , i could never live with her but i know if i asked her she would say yes , you see what i mean? The thing is , you said your gona take what comes your way , i’m 1 step ahead in that i did take something that came my way.Was a good friend of mine that knew that i liked her and she kinda liked me , both got partners. Anyway , we messed around a couple of times , not sex but you know… I didn’t feel guilty at all , no regrets, i just really didn’t want my girl to find out for her sake if you see what i mean? I really like this other girl but we’re never gona get it together but she’s made me realise there are better girls out there than the one i’m with. So right now it would’t bother me if my girl cheated on me because i’d be gone in a flash this time but i still love her loads and its really good between us now.

What i’m saying is that if you meet someone else that blows your mind , the fact that your girl may be seeing someone else won’t be so important and it will kick start you to confront her.Get out there and see whos around! This may have been a little sidetracked but just seemed like our situations were in some way similar

Fuck, Prickle, I’m in the EXACT situation as you are. LOL
Got a girl that is not exactly my girlfriend, established that it was going to be an open relationship, then got jealous when she started seeing this guy…

Started a game I cannot hadle :P
Damn

Prickle

Keep your mouth closed and your fly open.

Or luvdadus advise,then move on

regards