Arousal advice for newbies. Sensual over Sexual

For guys new to PE, one of the biggest challenges is managing your state of arousal. As men, most of us are quite ravenous about sex. We get hyper excited. We get aroused quickly and we masturbate at a fast pace. We want the fast animalistic endorphin rush. A lot of us have also spent years watching porn and have built a habit of fueled arousal. This all serves it’s purpose when it comes to getting off quickly, however it’s not the best approach for PE. In a lot of ways, we need to retrain ourselves to get the most out of PE. We need to move away from the hyper sexual fueled endorphin rush arousal that we are used to, and move into a more calm, controlled and centered arousal. If you are starting PE, you are now in training. It’s the combination between the physical and the mental that will yield the best results.

I would like to share a few tips for your consideration. The idea is to not just grow your unit, but to also grow as a lover.

I would recommend that you try doing your manual newbie routine in the dark a few times in the beginning. Or close your eyes in a quiet place. Focus on your breathing and really feeling how your penis is stretching and engorging. Envision it growing in your mind. Go at a slow pace and find what is comfortable. You are going to be doing your routine a lot. This includes a lot of maintaining arousal. This is challenging. Getting in touch with yourself in a way that is more sensual than sexual will really help to maintain longer arousal states. Stop trying to get aroused as fast as possible like you do when masturbating. Don’t think about or watch hardcore aggressive sex scenes in order to flood your brain and drive your erection. Try to let the feeling of your hand touching yourself lead to your erection. Focus on the pleasurable sensation. If you think of sexual thoughts, think of little things like a woman’s (or man’s) neck, or feet or lower back. Build the erection slower and try to stay in a state of sensual arousal instead of sexual arousal through your session. Even when edging, keep it sensual. Edging without cumming is a lot easier when you are in sensual arousal instead of sexual arousal. Also try not to kegel until you’re fully erect. This to me is a more genuine erection that lasts a lot longer than an erection that was created with lots of kegels and hyper sexual stimulation. Try edging and getting aroused while standing up instead of sitting. This takes some pressure off of your pelvic floor. Try to stay relaxed. Breathe through your stretches. Make all of your kegels intentional and try to avoid the involuntary ones. Try reverse kegels to stay engorged if you have to. Really feel your jelq stroke. Go very slow. Quality over quantity. Stay in the sensual zone. Remember all sensual means is that you are engaging the senses. You are experiencing and controlling your state of arousal in a different way. This is why doing it in the dark helps to engage the other senses. PE is about bettering ourselves and finding a new found love for ourselves and our dicks. So be kind and stay reaffirming. Avoid negative thinking about your size anxiety or any bad sexual experiences you’ve ever had. PE is about rebuilding a positive and healthy relationship with your body. That starts with reconnecting in a whole new way. If you get too excited, always come back to focus on your breathing and shift your brain from your sexual thoughts to what you are experiencing with your senses.

Best of luck and keep it sensual.

Side note: Training in this way will also help to overcome premature ejaculation and build sexual stamina.

Beautiful post Groundswell. Very nice, some valuable wisdom right there. Tapping into that side of yourself and PE will greatly yield better results for anyone.

Nicely said Groundswell, very good post. I like especially part where we should focus on getting fully erected without kegels, I have recently started to do so myself, that need came naturally for me and I am doing kegels only at the point where I want to stop my ejaculation. It is harder to get erection but I think this greatly helps to those struggling with EQ, once you get used and learn yourself to gain erection this way, even if you have troubles at a given moment you will always have that joker in your sleeve (kegel in your sleeve).

Well done man.
Kind regards

Exactly. I used to always sit in my computer chair, watch some porn and masturbate and didn’t think about anything but getting off and going about my day. I wasn’t even conscious of my kegel muscles for most of my adult life. The only thing I knew was me being turned on and feeling the PONR come on. I did edging, but only to keep my excitement high. My erections would be like a sharp curve on a graph. They would come on quick with a lot of stimulation, but as soon as the stimulation stopped, they would end just as quick. Doing it in a sensual way, your erection comes on slower, but then it plateaus and you stay hard longer and then slowly goes down. Much better for PE. I also couldn’t masturbate without having tons of involuntary kegels and I was suffering from some frequent episodes of Pre E because my pelvic floor was imbalanced. I wasn’t have a normal slow build up to the PONR, rather it would just come on suddenly and I’d have to pull out or stop masturbating to keep from cumming. It ruins sex. My main objective initially was stopping the involuntary spasms I was having while edging and during sex. Through doing that, i started to realize all the other benefits of manifesting a slow and deliberate erection. I also realized that trouble maintaining arousal without constant stimulation was probably my masturbation technique that focused on hyper arousal and that by sitting in my chair, it was causing constant unconscious kegeling. Standing up helped me to slow down the involuntary kegels enough to try and relax through them. Once I started to relax, I also started to see PE in a new way. I guess my whole point was just to focus your conscious mind to find a more enlightened approach which works not only for PE, but also for finding a level of mastery over arousal levels at the same time. 2 for 1.