YouKnowD,
I feel your pain. In college, I had offers from some very hot women and ran the other way, all because I was too afraid to disappoint them. How sad.
But my reaction sounds quite different from the one you’re having. You say you feel motivated to cheat in hopes of receiving some kind of affirmation. But that seems a little inconsistent, because your current girlfriend already seems to be giving you affirmation.
Could there be another reason? What doesn’t your girlfriend give you that you think you need? Could you actually want someone LESS approving and loving than your current girlfriend? Someone you need to conquer?
As an average White guy, I used to fantasize about having a real tough girlfriend (preferably a Black woman). I thought that they would really validate me as a man. Twenty years later, I think that was a crazy and racist idea.
In my opinion, what validates someone as a man is not dick size, bench press, income, etc., but good character. By not cheating on your current girlfriend, I think you are showing good character, and I would wager that you feel better about yourself.
My advice (from a modest man): Stick with your PE program; enjoy your gains; share your enjoyment with your girlfriend; show integrity in your relationships.
Also, and I’ve metioned this in other threads, never underestimate the value of a good antidepressant. Prozac (or other SSRI’s) will allow you to feel less miserable, and perhaps will help you to make better decisions in your relationships.
And, no, I do not work in the pharmaceutical industry.