Nightmare: impotence at the wrong time

Some background info: I’m a 30 year old heterosexual male, GF broke up with me 2-weeks ago but we still live together (long story.), this was an off day after doing PE routines for 2-3 days straight.

Ok, so this is what happened last night. Went to a club solo and picked up 2 chicks on the dance-floor, these women were grinding up on me all night long and being very suggestive in how they were doing it (ie. Bending over and pressing ass into my groin, grabbing my semi-erect cock, kissing, etc). One girl had pretty big titties, nice thick body. The one who was all over me was a little chunkier, I’m not into fat chicks, but this one wasn’t a deal-breaker (I was down to fuck).

So we split from the club and walk over to their hotel room. I knew it was fucking on and couldn’t wait. Found out these chicks are from out of town and are leaving tomorrow. Got to the hotel room, the girls poured me a drink. Big titties asked if ever had a threesome, both chicks proceeded to jump on me and started trying to rip off my clothes. So good so far, right? I noticed I was still flacid but thought this would be temporary. Started getting a little more worried when I couldn’t get hard. Chunky chick grabs a condom and shoves it on my semi-erect / flacid and tries to hump me. We don’t get very far. Big Titties makes a comment about my size (I’m flacid for Christ’s sake!). Chunky’s whispering “get hard for me” and instead of turning into a beast like I should have, I started to get nervous & couldn’t get it up. WTF is wrong with me!!

Chunky rolls over, passes out. Big titties ends up escorting me from the hotel, saying that their friends were coming and I had to get out. Exchanged numbers and split. I drive back home to my crib, cursing myself out for what could have been. 45 minutes later, I’m chilling at my place when these chicks start blowing up my phone. I pick up and Chunky wants me to come back. I’m thinking “no problem, redemption time, I’m fucking the shit out of her” and drive back. Chunky meets me downstairs in my car and we park, kissing and getting a hand job from this chick the whole time (no problems getting hard at this point).

Go upstairs to the room, lights are out, Big Titties is in one of the beds with another dude (chilling, just fucked). There’s another talkative chick in the room, doesn’t have a dude. I’m trying to get busy with Chunky and to my horror, it’s not getting hard, again. Extremely frustrated, I resort to other means of pleasuring my partner (ie. Fingers, etc). In the bed next door, Big Titties and her random guy start fucking, adding to the overall pressure on me to get harder. Chunky keeps asking me “why aren’t you getting hard?” After another 45 minutes to 1 hour of trying to get my dick to stand up, I give up and bounce.

LOL, this is the complete anti-thesis of a sayan22 story. I am so fucking embarassed man, WTF is wrong with me. I get gift-wrapped an opportunity most men dream about and can’t perform and seize the moment, then the same things happens again when I get a 2nd chance! Sigh, FML.

Sorry for that rambling post, just wanted to get that off my chest. One of the most incredibly frustrating nights of my life. Don’t know if my EQ was just low because of intense PE’ing the few days before. Or whether I just psyched myself out by thinking too much about trying to get hard instead of just letting it happen. Or whether there’s some kind of subconcious guilt thing going on with the live-in ex-GF (I felt acutely aware that I was leaving the house at 3 am to go try and fuck these hoes that I met earlier and would have to sneak back in later), this is additional performance anxiety?

I guess the purpose of this thread is to get the advice I need so that I NEVER go through another bullshit episode like this again..

@ Mods: I tried to post this in one of DW’s forums (the life and sex one) but was not permitted to for some reason. Please feel free to transfer this thread to the proper location if necessary, thanks.

Too much pressure over your head, That’s what I think. Probably if things didn’t go so wild and fast it would be much better for you.

Not everybody is ready for a threesome, or an orgy. Every possible way you pointed can be the cause.

Try not to make this bad experience as a trauma. Learn with it, consciously, no need to freak out about it.

If you really want to go through this, next time keep a viagra/cialis/something in your pocket. “Never” fails, if you are trying to prove something to someone.

Not to be a smart ass, but having not read this post, yet, the title can make me say but one thing: is there a right time for impotence?

It’s entirely normal to have trouble getting hard in that kind of high-pressure situation. Adrenaline kills boners. I can tell you that I have a 100% record of great erections when one-on-one with women in comfortable situations, but there’s no way I would have gotten and stayed hard in the circumstances you describe. Even viagra/cialis isn’t enough to always overcome adrenaline.

Over time, you may grow more comfortable and relaxed in that kind of wild situation, and thus overcome the impotence. Or you may not. Just as very few guys can get hard under “porn” conditions (tons of people around you, lights blazing, pressure to perform, etc.), many guys have problems even when it’s “only” a threesome or foursome or whatever. Plenty of guys go impotent with one-night stands in general, even the one-on-one variety.

Intense PE combined with nervousness could definitely be a deal-breaker. Don’t be down about it though. There’s plenty of fresh pussy out there.

I feel for you. I’ve been there more than once.

Agree with Para, adrenaline kills boners.

Had that happen plenty. Even wished night wouldn’t end up in sack from fear of failure.then Viagra. Wow! No more fear, failure. Viagra takes all thinking out of it.

I always have problems the first time with any woman, regardless of how much cialis I take or how attracted to them I am. And if any booze is involved, then absolutely totally forget it. Totally pisses me off because it is indeed a self-perpetuating kind of thing, and makes me avoid one-night stands and sex with any woman that doesn’t already care about me and see a whole lot else beyond sexual attraction in me (otherwise I’d never get passed one try in bed with them). Once I am comfortable with someone, it’s no problem. And it is indeed that tingly adrenaline feeling. You can physically feel it.

I wish there was a pill or something that can kill the adrenaline…is there?

At 99 years, one second before you die. ;)

People already called it, and I agree. High pressure, awkward situations often means a meeting with Mr.Softee. I can relate, going back to my own clubbing days.

Once me and a friend picked up to chicks visiting our city for a conference. They shared a room at the Sheraton. We went back to their hotel, and though my buddy and his chick just went at it in their own bed, 3 feet a way in our bed my dick was as limp as a noodle. For whatever reason (drunk, can’t remember) me and my girl found ourselves in the shower, and now with some degree of privacy, I got a reasonable chub. Returned to the bedroom to continue the business, and again my cock deflates.

Had to head back to the bathroom to have sex

Something about other guys in the room just steals my mojo. :down:

@ Everyone who has responded:

Thanks for the helpful ideas/tips and stories, I don’t feel too terrible about this anymore.

The whole adrenaline thing makes sense, I guess I’ll try not to freak out too much over this. Definitely was wishing I had a viagra on me at the time, but some posts say this might be insufficient to produce a hard-on if I’m too nervous?

@ Scienceguy: Maybe not a pill to kill adrenaline, but maybe there are some common-sense techniques to control adrenaline, ie. Breathe slowly, count to ten, etc?

Propranolol is used "off label" to treat stage fright (by actors on opening night, for instance). It is worth a google to see if it has been used for sexual performance anxiety.

In a nutshell, among other things it does, Propranolol blocks adrenaline. (Interesting "60 Minutes" video on it here .)

Yep, you’re right, but I forget in the heat of the moment. :-( Once I can calm down, things start working well enough for a little something.

Wow, reading up on it, it appears to be just the kind of thing I’d need. But I haven’t found anyone talking about it’s use specifically for sexual anxiety. In fact, some descriptions even describe a possible side effect being decreased sexual desire, and even impotence. That seems really backwards, considering it is a beta blocker, so it lowers blood pressure (a side effect of viagra and co. is actually lower blood pressure, so lower blood pressure per se does not hinder the ability to get erections).

I’d also caution myself as well as others thinking about this that simultaneously taking viagra plus propanolol, 2 drugs that could lower blood pressure, could seriously mess you up or kill you. It’s the same reason the viagra/cialis commercials tell you not to take them with nitrates. Your doctor of course would tell you this, but if you’re like me, you buy generic cialis online, and your doctor doesn’t necessarily know about it. Yes, very dangerous. And harmful to the US pharmaceutical industry. But just tell your doctor that you buy Indian viagra if he’s about to prescribe something to you.

Dead is the ultimate episode of impotence, isn’t it?

This is not the kind of ‘getting stiff’ you want.

I’ve had these kind of issues before, breathing exercises are easy to do without being noticed, and can be very good for lowering adrenaline.