When you go to the bathroom..

When you go to the bathroom, do you inspect you penis? EVERY TIME??

I do. I don’t mean that I look at it in every detail or anything, I mean that
EVERY time I piss, I find myself looking at my dick and sighing, and wishing that
it were bigger. Sometimes I’ll look at my profile in a mirror and envision it much bigger.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disgusted with myself or anything, I just want a bit more.

Sometimes I’ll stand there and recall seeing the porn cocks, the 9 X 7 porn cocks, and get a bit depressed
wondering what it would be like to have a cock like that. It’s gotta be nice being
born well-hung. The rest of us have to work at it and hope we end up with our goal met.

These huge hung porn guys are probably so used to seeing this fat hunk of meat between
their legs while they’re pissing, that they probably don’t even think about the beauty of it.
If it were me though, if I all of a sudden woke up one day with a 9 X 7, I’d be grinning
ear to ear every single time I whipped it out for whatever reason.

So is it just me…?

Nope, it’s pretty much everyone WhammyBar…:D

Keep going and you’ll get there! :up:

Good visualization technique I say. If you want to, throw in a couple of stretches while you are at it.

“If I had a penis, I’d pamper it proper
I’d lie in the tub and use me as a stopper
I’d pull it and please it, hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter and pucker and bulge”

The above is part of the Penis Song, on the record “A lonely grain of corn” by the Seattle band “Uncle Bonsai” back in the early 90’s. Unfortunately I’ve lost my tape - maybe Ike or someone can dig up a copy? The entire song - 3 full minutes - is of two girls singing all of the things they’d do if they had a penis. A real hoot!

…”if I had a penis I’d still be a girrrllll….
But I’d make much more money and conquer the world!”

Penis Envy

If I had a penis
I’d wear it outside
In cafes and car lots
With pomp and with pride
If I had a penis
I’d pamper it proper
I’d stay in the tub
And use me as a stopper

If I had a penis
I’d take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it
And shove it at smarties
I’d take it to pet shows
And teach it to stay
I’d stuff it in turkeys
On Thanksgiving Day

I’d rival my buddies
In sports cars and stick shifts
I’d shower my spire
With girlies and gifts
I’d peek around corners
I’d aim at my toilet
I’d poke it at foreigners
I’d soap it and oil it

If I had a penis
I’d run to my mother
Comb out the hair
And compare it to brother
I’d lance her, I’d knight her
My hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter
And buckle and bulge

A penis to plunder
A penis to push
‘Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there

I’d sit like a boy
I’d straddle the chair
I’d play with my fly
Albeit with care
I’d dip it in chocolate
I’d stick it in sockets
I’d stroll to the movies
With hands deep in pockets

I’d stick in vacuums
On vacant verandahs
Gas guzzling Volvos
And poodles and pandas
In puddles and drainpipes
In doggies and ditches
Pool halls and potholes
And bottles and bitches
Zucchinis and zebras
Tomatoes, tomatoes
In pineapples, pumpkins
And gulches and grottos
In melons and marshmallows
Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas

A penis to plunder
A penis to push
‘Cause one in the hand
Is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me
A penis to share
To pick up and play with
When nobody’s there

If I had a penis
I’d climb every mountain
I’d force it on females
I’d pee like a fountain
If I had a penis
I’d still be a girl
But I’d make much more money
And conquer the world.

Google to the rescue.

Fancy, I never imagined an off-label band would have survived into the Google-era! Did you find an mp3 with that? It’s a real great recording, from a live setting in a bar or the like!

No, I didn’t look for a mp3, just lyrics. Searched for a lonely grain of corn, then lyrics.

The lyrics are much better - of course - when you hear the way they are sung, with intonation on “I’D STUFF IT IN TURKEYS ON THANKSGIVING DAY” :)