Patent Application for Vacuum Jelqer

Now this one is original (sort of). From a quick inspection, it looks like the tube is somewhat elastic and forms a seal with the base of the penis. No pump is required. You just pull on the thing. I wonder if you can hang weights from it?

Actually, I see now that the tube is rigid.

Too bad. If it were elastic, you could put a hose clamp on it and use it as a combined pump/power jelqer/ULI thing.

It’s even enclosed, so there’s very little cleanup after your dick explodes.

“It’s even enclosed, so there’s very little cleanup after your dick explodes.”

Hehe, always look on the bright side of things, huh? :D

… and if you keep what’s left in the cylinder, perhaps a doctor could reattach it. If not, you would definitely have something interesting to put over the fireplace.

-Hey babe, wanna come over and take a look at my dick?
-Sure, whip it out, why don’t ya?
-Oh no, it’s right over there in that jar on that shelf.