Originally Posted by LittleEngine
Exactly, I have pissed on the floor/wall a few times because of this.
I have damage to the meatus, or urethral opening, which made my stream spray like a lawn sprinker, including pants, shoes, and even my shirt. I now have over nine hundred hours of stretching/reshaping the meatus with hollow plugs, which has made substantial progress in correcting the problem, but early on I made extensive use of… a vacuum cleaner “crevice tube.” They’re around $5 for new ones on eBay, and they come in 6” and 14” lengths. The round opening the hose goes over is 1-1/4”, when completely flaccid it will slide over my glans, otherwise I can press it up against it and get the meatus in and it works OK.
I had tried a piece of plain old PVC plumbing pipe, but it didn’t work well. The stream of urine takes a helical path down the tube and shoots off in random directions, so unless the tube is long enough to go down below the rim of the toilet bowl, it’s still sort of iffy. The “crevice tool” is mashed out to a narrow slot at the end, so urine just dribbles or streams out the bottom edge.
I keep a long one in the bathroom, and carry a short one in a big ziplock in my motorcycle tank bag, which I’ve been carrying about as a “man bag.” I rinse it and wipe off the outside after use; the ziplock handles water that doesn’t shape out of the inside.
I also have some “emergency kits” made up; they’re a toilet paper roll mashed flat and a paper towel, folded into a ziplock sandwich bag. I can just slide a kit or two into a pocket when I go out. To use, just unzip, mash the tube back round at the entrance end, pee through it, wipe up with the paper towel (sometimes there’s splashback from the tube), and then put the used bits back in the ziplock. Discard when convenient. I use a paper towel instead of depending on available toilet paper, since some toilet paper is “septic tank friendly” and just turns into a was of urine-soaked pulp as soon as it gets wet.
