Originally Posted by TryingFlaccid
Hi ostrog, you were right, I hanged out with a girl and my precum start flowing out with just some kisses, my mind start think about sexual things even if we aren’t doing that. I need to control my mind more
This is a mental anxiety psyching-yourself-out kind of thing. Performance anxiety. A few things work for me in this regard. I think they might help.
1. Stay cool. The whole process of acquiring a woman in the first place kind of revolves around playing it cool and being a smooth operator (or at least your success rate goes way up if you’re a smooth operator). Why is this? It makes the courting/dating process easy for her - gives her no reason to object, gives her no cause to feel uncomfortable, and doesn’t let her get in her own way. Women are famous for getting in their own way. They say no when they mean yes. They say yes when they mean no. They find reasons to be scared or chicken out - even though they want nothing more than to be passionately swept off their feet and taken. It’s endless. This is the reason we can’t ask a girl if she’d like to have sex. It’s way too direct. Her modesty demands she deny that advance. You give her a reason to say no - a reason to object. This is why instead we invite her to “come up for a drink”, come see your cat do a back-flip, “Netflix and Chill”, etc. Any reason you can come up with - other than the direct reason (which she’d have to object to). Your job as a smooth operator is to prevent, defuse, and remove all these obstacles that come between two people falling for each other.
Light and casual. Smooth transitions from step to step. For example: Breaking the touch barrier. A smooth operator casually and naturally breaks the touch barrier with a warm handshake, a playful high five, a joking shoulder punch, a gentleman’s hand on her lower back guiding her through a door or a crowd, etc. Easy and smooth transition to big warm hugs and the beautiful moment when the kiss finally happens (it’s all downhill after the kiss, in my opinion - it’s a done deal - easy peasy.)
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what an anxious dude does instead. Everything awkward, cringey, herky jerky, forced - if it even happens at all. Most of the time the anxious dude will miss all the opportunities to advance the courting process, and his regret after the fact, replaying the night over and over in his head, only adds to his anxiety and more issues in the future.
So my recommendation when getting close to sex with a girl is to continue to *stay cool*. If you got this far, you can keep cool and go further. Casual. Fun. Relaxed. Smooth. Stay cool.
2. Do it in the dark and close your eyes. Men are visually stimulated. The visual stimulation during the act can be way too much if you’re already excited. Plus turning off the lights makes the whole thing smoother and less awkward for you both (especially if your or her body isn’t 100% ideal - and especially if this is your first time together). Close your eyes and just feel. Feel and listen. Nothing in the world feels as good as a woman’s skin in your hands. See with your hands. Feel your way through it, and listen to her sounds. This is all the stimulation you should need. And you will be a much better lover if you continue developing this “feeling your way through it” skill set. You will be more in tune with your partner. You will always adjust the perfect pelvic-tilt, hit the perfect spot she always responds to, hold her just where she likes to be held, etc.
3. If you’re having EQ issues, then open your eyes. Use the visual stimulation to encourage your fella to perk up and cooperate. Try to be fully aware of how sexy the situation is. Here you are, with this girl you wanted, naked in front of you, you’re inside her, just like you wanted, etc. Worship her glorious feminine body. The masculine desire for the feminine runs so extremely deep! Use that! Think sexy thoughts. But do it without pressuring yourself. This is a relaxed and observant state of mind. Observing her beauty, observing how sexy this situation is. Not “I must think sexy thoughts to force my unit to work”. No pressure. Just enjoying the situation unfolding. Savor the sweetness. Feel the heat.
4. If your boy is too excited and you’re getting too close to release, slow down, and think unsexy thoughts! Keep your eyes closed (no visual stimulation). Ignore her sounds. Think about dull and common things, like baseball cards, how many electrical outlets are in the room, what you have to do for a work assignment, etc. Get your mind out of the bedroom and onto something very boring and monotonous - the more boring details the better. Zero in on those boring details and it will seriously help calm your over-stimulation. And don’t be afraid to take breaks man. There is nothing wrong with letting her know that she is seriously fucking hot and you are getting way too turned on, so you need to chill for a minute. She will take this as a very much appreciated compliment. Women feel vulnerable during their first naked encounters with a new partner. Complementing her in this way, and letting her know her body is having the desired effect on you, is going to make her very happy. Kiss her, go down on her, have her go down on you (in a relaxing way - not a “finish-me-off” kind of way). Whatever works. Just kill a little time while your boy calms down.
Relax your pelvic floor. Push the energy out, towards your legs. Stretch your back (arched back) and your legs (big stretch extending your feet and toes out). This often releases energy congestion in the pelvis - so much it’s almost made me climax, so be careful, don’t do it while you’re in her. You can also pull on your ball sack (balls included), downward, towards your knees. Or have her pull it (might be awkward asking a fresh catch to do this, but I sometimes ask my wife to do this for me if I’m getting too amped up when I don’t want to be, and of course she doesn’t need to be asked twice to play with my balls for me). Done gently and firmly, this feels great and has a definite relaxing/energy-releasing effect. You will definitely notice your balls up high, tight, and tense, when your boy is way too amped up.
5. Take pee breaks. I find if I’ve drank too much water or tea before bed, and my bladder is refilling during sex, it can get to a point where it is *seriously* affecting my control, often making me more sensitive or bringing me much closer to climax than I want to be. I find tea is the worst - seems to refill my bladder twice during sex and the bladder sensations just really mess me up sometimes. I used to drink sleepy tea before bed - not anymore. If your bladder sensations are messing with your sexual control/performance - take a pee break man. No shame in that. Make it feel like a sex marathon you guys are having. No girl wants a two-pump chump. Tell her to stay busy til you get back. Keep it fun and casual.
I hope these tips help. They’re things I’ve discovered in my sexual experiences and I know for certain they work for me. Wife and I had a date night last night - kiddo was at grandma’s. I got one of these cheap tally counters on Amazon just for fun hahaha. Decided to test it out. Wife had 107 orgasms last night. *high five*