Want more head!

Oh … as for the original question regarding semen taste. A few of us have had luck with the Rainbow Light Multi-Vitamin. See this thread here.

- Chris

I have to register a protest here. What you call an “ugly spiral” is what most women would call regular long-term relationship sex. That’s the norm. Granted, I am trying to change that, but I see what I am doing as improving on the typical, not fixing some kind of dysfunction. Just wanted to mention that in solidarity with my sex.

As for sweet-tasting semen, of course there’s always the old standard pineapple juice (and staying away from cigarettes, alcohol and caffeine).

I wouldn’t quite call it an ugly spiral quite yet, or maybe it is and I don’t want to admit it yet.
I just think my wife has gotten complacent about sex and she is very routine oriented. The fact that sex is not part of her routine, well, I still hope I can fix that with communication, and who knows, maybe some of Zane’s magic potion!.

I will give her some time after the child is born, she has certainly been through enough lately. Besides, I want to keep my focus on being a good father. I am also a man though, and at almost 34 yoa still have needs.

Not so sure that it isn’t an ugly spiral, but you know your wife. From everything I have seen/read (on here and elsewhere), when sex drops off and then a child comes along it usually drops off even further. If I misread your situation and it has only dropped off while she has been pregnant, then it isn’t as bad and definitely more easily recovered. However, if the habit of little sex, especially for your routine oriented wife, is something that has been formed for awhile especially with something else taking its place, like tv watching which can also be very addictive, then I think all indications are that it will continue to decline.

Zane, you are registering a protest with my description just because something is normal? A habit of little sex with the very large possibility of even less moving forward is, at least to me, an ugly spiral by very definition … the lack of sex + more excuses usually sets things up for even less. To me that is a spiral because it keeps getting worse. Even if it is how most relationships work out, that is entirely different than the point I was making. The advantage that spruce has here is the ability to recognize and attempt to change the course of things. Many guys appear to wait until they are down to once a month before doing something other than complaining to their buddies. IMO recognizing that things are likely to get worse by virtue of the habits already formed puts him one step closer to bringing things back up to a more suitable level. But yes I do agree that many seem to be caught in this ugly spiral I describe and I do hope your book helps change what is the norm.

I understand not wanting to recognize the signs leading to even less sex or acknowledge that is how things are progressing. My view though is that very often that denial causes us to only act once a lot of time has gone by and it is a more difficult adjustment, not to mention a very painful period emotionally during that time for both partners. I do think that getting her to give oral (since she apparently enjoys it at least some as well) is a good first step for increasing the frequency. At the very least if she cares about his pleasure she could do that until she squares away whatever is preventing more frequent sex. Communicating is the first part though.

- Chris

Most married women would not consider sex once a week “little sex.”

zaneblue, HeyHowAreYA, chobbs, I am overwhelmed by the sincerity of the replies I have gotten here. This post started out as “I want more head” but its fairly obvious to me now that that is not what I truly need more of. There is a larger issue here that you all have helped my bring to a “head” (sorry I had to).

chobbs, you have read the situation correctly, this has been an ongoing issue for the last few years and came into play well before her pregnancy. Zaneblue is simply saying that its not an uncommon problem with woman after 10 years of marriage. I think it could only be described as ugly if when I try to communicate this with her that she is not receptive. Then it would seem I have a larger problem. She does love me, I have no doubt, I feel she has simply taken me and our sex life for granted. The potential of an “ugly spiral” is plain to see since when we have a child I could see the importance of sex in her mind falling even further down the ladder.

It just came to my mind that I remember her saying at one time early on that you can tell the health of a relationship by the health of the sexual relationship. I at least think it was her that said that…either way it makes sense, I just need to be sure it was her before I bring that up.

No they wouldn’t and that is definitely part of the problem - although I am going to have to disagree some and amend that statement to most married women that have children. I don’t know many married couples without kids who have sex only once a week (although I am sure there are plenty out there). But because those women don’t feel it is little sex it is perfectly rational to drop it even further especially with the plethora of excuses that children can provide. Unless they started out their relationship with that amount of sex then by virtue of relativity it *is* little sex.

- Chris

That is a fair enough portrayal. I prefer to think of it as ugly because of what it leads to not because of what it currently is at the moment. But that is just my view, I understand others may differ. Like I said many guys seem to wait until they are down to once a month and then recognize that something needs to be done. By trying to address the problems now it is a lot easier to alter the necessary aspects of your lives to put a higher priority back on sex.

- Chris

It’s a difference in physiology. It’s the body that downgrades the priority of sex. For many women, sex once a week is making an effort. Everything is relative. I could say the same thing if I was with someone—my body would like sex three or four times a day. Of course that would be ridiculous.

While I do see physiology playing a part I think the habits are a key piece of the puzzle. A person doesn’t have to have perfect physiology to have sex 2-3 times per week. I think the right physiology is necessary for getting to the higher amounts of sex (at least 5-7 times a week), but I don’t see it being a factor for the smaller amounts. After all, those same women were often having it that frequently prior to the drop off.

I suppose one could argue it dropped off because the physiology changed, but I would think that is more of a chicken vs. the egg problem. In other words, did the physiology change because of the drop off, or did the drop off happen because of the physiological changes? I am inclined to believe, that unless the women has had some body altering experience (like childbirth) that it is more a cause of the first scenario, but I am just basing this off of the couples I have first hand experience with so I may be wrong entirely. Does your book cover this? Is it feasible for the physiology to change without having had any kids yet (or surgeries/treatments that affect hormones in any way)?

As for sex 3-4 times a day being ridiculous … I am trying to get my wife there. I will let you know how it goes for me. Thus far we are at the twice a day level, occasionally hitting the 3. Sometimes we end up with only once or none, but that is usually a product of circumstances from having two little ones and not lack of interest on either of our parts. I have no idea how feasible 3-4 times a day is with kids, but I plan to find out. :)

- Chris

chobbs, congratulations on all of your sex and great relationship, if you want I’ll give you my address and you can come over and kick my cat while your at it!

Just Kidding, I’m not getting fucked but we sure have fucked this thread to death. I understand you are both interested in finding out why a woman becomes this way. I on the other hand just want it fixed, and now I know what I need to do.

Thanks again,
Spruce

You know, you are very lucky to have the wife you do. Treat her nice :)

Yes, my book does mention this—women’s physiology is much more dependent on dopamine than men’s physiology (men naturally have higher dopamine levels). The feeling in the beginning of a relationship of “falling in love” increases dopamine levels in the brain. So it is natural for women’s libido to drop after that initial newness ends, unless she helps the dopamine with other means.

That is a great attitude to take and I am sure you will succeed!

Makes sense, but it does seem a little odd that it often takes so long to drop. I wonder if all the recommendations to “be romantic” is really about triggering this increase? I also wonder if frequent good sex could also contribute to raising it further - a much better spiral to be in. ;)

- Chris

zaneblue, I am interested in possibly purchasing your book, but need to know a bit more about what is in it. Is there somewhere I can go for an overview? My wife is a bit stubborn and close minded and I need to know if it is something she might buy into. I also don’t want to offend her by getting it for her. Any suggestions on how to present it to her would be appreciated.

I’m supposed to limit talking about the book to the book thread in my siggie, or Thunder will spank me. Can you post that post in that thread?

And yes, chobbs, that is exactly why the “be romantic, take a bubblebath” thing is recommended. And why it works when it works, but doesn’t work if there’s an underlying neurotransmitter problem, like being on an SSRI or nutritional deficiency. Of course that’s assuming good hormonal levels and genital circulation too.