At Wits End with EQ

Hello all. Much of a lurker in these forums, but I am reaching out to get any insight on what might be wrong with me, if anything.

Currently 42 in decent health. On a cutting diet to get down to 15% bodyfat, workout 3-4x a week with weights. I’m on Testosterone Replacement Therapy (Gel applied to my nutsack daily) and have been on it since summer 2019. My testosterone (1000+) and free testosterone (40+) are in the higher range, and my estradiol (40+) is on the high end of normal range. I take Cialis 5mg daily. I also take Estradiol 1mg three times a week. I also eat a high protein moderate fat diet limiting carbs and I have abstained from alcohol for the past few weeks. When I do drink, I will have 2 glasses of wine a week, or a glass of bourbon once a week, nothing major. Once I hit my fat loss, I’ll be switching over to a more balanced diet and keep the progression with weight training.

Currently going thru a separation with my wife who I was married to since 09. Have been dating much younger girls in the meantime. Seeing a younger girl in her late 20’s who loves sex. I used to pop a full 20mg Cialis when I know I’m seeing my younger girl. It used to work just fine, but lately it hasn’t produced the results that I was hoping for. I’ll get hard and will be able to have sex, but my erection won’t stay really nice and hard.

I’ve dabbled with Trimix and was prescribed 50 units. I tried half that amount and it was enough to keep me hard for literally hours (actually had to go to the ER to have my erection shut down, was told by the ER doctor that a 4 hour erection was nothing to worry about, but one lasting more than 24 hours was something truly serious). I now only inject 10 units and I could have sex, blow a load, and keep going for hours. I’d have to use injectable Phenylephrine HCL to shut down my erection. I don’t mind injecting my cock with Trimix nor using the antidote. I just wish I didn’t have to use the antidote as much…well I wish I didn’t have to rely on the Trimix at all.

So the Trimix works, but the Cialis isn’t enough to get me going. I wake up every morning with erections. I used to do vacuum pumping long ago but after a few weeks, my erections would be softer and harder to achieve…something that baffled me since there was a guide that mentioned “if you’re doing it right, your erection quality should increase). I’ve always been on and off with the PE routines and have been told by numerous younger girls that I’ve got a nice sized dick (BPEL 6” EG 5.75”). I’ve always wanted something larger but at this point in my life, the focus is on EQ and performance.

Sort of at wits end here. I don’t want to depend on Trimix to perform. I’d love to just use Cialis or even Viagra for short term fun, or not even depend on the use of pills at all. I wouldn’t scoff at using the Trimix or Cialis/Viagra on a more sparing occasion, but not depending on it at all would be very idea. My younger girl is super tight so I have to be hard to get into her (no slipping it in half hard like I used to with my wife who gave birth to 2 monster sized children). And for some reason, when my girl is going to cum, she’ll ark her hips a certain way and keep my cock shallow inside of her to get off, and if I’m not on the Trimix….I’ll go soft! It really bothers me that I can’t stay hard for her to have an orgasm, nor can I just maintain a really good consistent erection for a decent amount of time. Another note, my girlfriend does not place importance on having an orgasm, as she loves the entire experience with me, but a part of me just can’t be ok with that and I really love to try to get her off when I think she needs it (alcohol affects her to where she has too many drinks and she can’t cum).

I’ve tried the Eddie by Giddy cock ring as well, and even the largest size is a bitch to get on around the base of my dick (greater girth there at 6+”)…the two bands they give you are way too tight…and the ring doesn’t really keep my erection there at all.

Could it be something physically wrong with me, or perhaps more mental? What other details would need to be known about me, please ask away! Would appreciate any sort of insight on what to do from here, whether it be to work on exercises, ditch the meds, or even make sacrifices to the erection gods.

How much PE are you practicing? And what kind?

Maybe its mental, you sound very healthy. That you had to go to the ER to get your boner down to me means that your boner power is quite….powerful!

What kinds of foreplay do you get into with your young lady friend? Does she cum before intercourse? You could get her off a lot prior to intercourse due to the fact she’s so into you, anything you do with her could get her to really get off a lot. Proper stimulation of the vulva and clitoris preps the vagina for intercourse; if y’all don’t do a lot of foreplay and she’s ready for cock too soon she’ll be tighter than she can be, so that works against your issues. If she’s pitching her hips that way for purposeful shallow vaginal stimulation she’s trying to make your cock work her G spot or urethral sponge and tissue. So digital penetration could really push her buttons the way she wants most, and after you bring her to orgasm without your cock, she might do other things with her position in bed that allows you to be deeper in her.

I bring this up a lot on this forum, but what kinds of porn, if any, do you consume? The older us guys get, the more (I believe) porn weighs on our biology. If you were me, I’d not look at porn at all if I had a girl in her late 20s! I’m 45 now and I had terrible ED early last year and couldn’t get even a semi for my wife. I quit porn completely and my boner came back stronger than I could remember it in years. Not that it is weighing on you physically, or mentally, because I don’t know you or your habits, but it really does work against a man’s EQ.

I’m also noticing a trend of men with EQ or ED issues work hard on their bodies to increase test production or just blood flow and overall cardiovascular health. When men have worked out so hard on diet and exercise, and EQ is still not what they want it to be, I wonder if all the work for a better body starts to play tricks on the man who has achieved amazing goals. Like, “my body is rocking right now, diet on point, but my cock is still 90% hard and not 100%. What is wrong?” Maybe that thought process leads to expectations for a rigid cock and its that expectation that creates mental weight that plays negatively on a healthy, awesome, finely tuned body.

Just my thoughts on this from reading so much the last few years and going through ED issues myself! My wife is in menopause the last 3 years and sex has been sporadic at best. Some months we can do it 10-15 times. Other months just a few times. Right now her vagina is consistently irritated and penetration hurts her bad, although she’s on a medication that produces loads of lubrication so that’s not an issue. Thankfully in May she’ll finally be getting on HRT that she desperately needs and sex should come back very strong, possibly stronger than its ever been for her. Her libido has always been a tad weak, so menopause rails her miserably. All this to say, if you have a woman in her late 20s, and you are 42, I would do anything I could to keep having sex with her! I consider you lucky to be with a woman as young as that at your age, I have to say I am a bit jealous of you :) So consider any and all possible things that could be causing you to have lower EQ than you really want.

Mental stress will shut down an erection in a flash. Hell I got stressed just reading your post. At your age viagra, trimix’ WTF!

My thoughts are in that realm. I’m wondering if I really need to take a step back and evaluate my stress levels. I don’t feel stressed but then again, I could just be high stressed and have that now as a baseline…

Yeah, that’s one piece of evidence that says it could be mental….or something odd in the physical that won’t allow me to keep my boner!

I love taking my time on her in terms of foreplay, lot of kissing her lips as well as all over her body. She doesn’t cum at all before intercourse! With previous girls I was a master of making them orgasm using my fingers and tongue…but this one doesn’t prefer it at all! I feel like my superpower is now useless LOL. I can usually tell when she’s very turned on cause her tightness isn’t attempting to snap my dick off. And on the hip tilting, I’ve used fingers before to stimulate her gspot and urethral sponge areas but to no orgasm avail….however I will continue to pursue this. In terms of depth, I can feel the head of my cock bat against her cervix and she constantly tells me “you’re so fucking deep” or “oh my god your dick is so big”….and it’s fucking HEAVEN. I’m literally average at best on length and hearing that is amazing.

No porn consumption at all. In fact, I have google nest cams and a GoPro Hero 4 that I use to record our sessions, and if I wanted to jerk off, I’d go to a clip of us having sex and spank it to her. I’ll refrain from spanking it to her and just save up the desire for when we’re in person!

I could be putting some pressure on myself here, but I’d definitely take a 90% hard cock any day vs what I currently experience (hard at first but will drop to 60-70%). I do want to make sure that I feel good about my body and stay healthy. It’s very important for me to feel physically desired by women. Looking good and feeling good just gets me in a wonderful mindset.

My wife’s vagina was absolutely ruined from second birth. And the worst part is she never did anything about it in terms of kegel exercises. At some point I used sleeves just to have her feel anything. Sex was also very bland and she wanted it once a week or every two weeks versus me wanting it everyday. Due to some other issues we’ve had, we decided to separate amicably and for the best. My wife was on testosterone gel when I first started out in 2019 and she was hungry for dick all the time…and then she stopped cause she hated wanting sex that much! Total fucking buzzkill.
As for dating younger girls, they’re full of energy and match my sexual prowess :) And yes I am quite lucky to be seeing girls much younger than me! I think I’ll continue to get older as they stay the same age (line from some movie long ago). I’d usually stick to a range of 20-25, but have found some girls in their late 20’s to be absolutely wonderful. Thanks for chiming in pumpedmember! And love your stats increase from 2003 to 2004…I’d kill for something like that! What’s your process?

None at the moment. I was using a vacuum pump and a stretching device a few years ago, but I wasn’t able to stay consistent. I routinely do kegel exercises though. I’d love to wear an all day stretcher while I work (futures trader in my office) and do a pump routine in the evening, even if it was 20-40 minutes before bed (get in the pump and read a nice book, avoid screens, etc.).

You have so many factors, it’s hard to isolate which one (or many) it could be. For one, it looks like you’re on a huge number of things, though I didn’t count them out one by one. I can say that when I did testosterone gel some years ago, that was the only point in my life when I had a difficult time getting erect. Coincidence? I don’t know.

Yeah, quite a few factors in play. That’s the hard part is figuring out which is the culprit. I know I didn’t feel any difference in doing the TRT injections vs gel well over a year from the change.

My first thought was you were in a long term relationship and well you matured in one. Knowing what it was like and enjoying the possibility of it being forever. Now you are playing around with younger ladies that wish to have a long commitment. You aren’t quite ready to go down that road again. If you are honest with them and that stress will be gone. Or they will be.

Yeah, for now I’m being crystal clear with younger girls, that I’m not looking for a commitment at the moment. Most, if not all of the girls are absolutely fine with that. Those who have changed their minds in the past end up moving on, which is fine by me. I do not want to mislead anyone nor waste anyone’s time. I specifically try to avoid dating girls in their early 30’s cause those girls in particular are looking to settle down right away.

Did you come up with a reason for what ails you?

If you have morning wood at least sometimes and can get hard when you masturbate then your problem is psychological.

That would be really frustrating. I was going to suggest giving her more orgasms before penile penetration to eliminate the anxiety about your erection lasting long enough to get the job done.

But I do have a question: How are you doing otherwise with the Cialis? I’ve heard some guys get headaches that interfere with a good night’s sleep.

Ok, time to find out what the hell is going on in my mind!!!