Completely bummed because of premature ejaculation

Hey all, so I was out of the loop for a while. Things are really terrible in my marriage. I was cheated on in December because of no sex and my depression since this OP over sex. My wife had given up and was desperate for sex and did it with a friend. And he was so much better than me. She wasn’t even attracted to him, she just wanted sex from someone that was there emotionally and physically and I wasn’t. But since I found out, I’ve stepped up my game as a man and husband and dad but her sexual interest in me is gone right now.

I went back to review your replies.

Sex was routine for us all the time. We’re not great at it, but for her she told me it was only about getting off. So her having 2 orgasms most of the time from oral and from her grinding on top is for her, not for me. So then it’s “my turn” and all I end up doing is jackhammer pounding because she’s done and wants to just be fucked hard. But I can’t last more than a few seconds doing this and my erection dies and she gets frustrated because it doesn’t feel like anything.

I went on zoloft shortly after OP. It was a terrible experience. I didn’t last longer at all the few times we had sex. I had severe dizzy issues and anger and no libido. Then I got off zoloft and my PE got worse.

My EQ is not as good anymore even considering I’m in good shape and eat well. My testosterone was checked right in the middle range.

I’ve kegeled a lot but it does nothing for me. I feel that my pelvic floor is so incredibly tight that I’m in constant spasm. I have no control over my BC muscle and IKs. I’ve tried to learn reverse kegels but I can’t make the mental connection to do it without squeezing the hell out of my abs.

Sprays are helpful but not always effective. And if I use one, I have to do it an hour before and sometimes in the past my wife wanted sex immediately and I pulled away saying I needed time and she got mad and then there was no sex. The one time in forever my wife gave me head, I had used the spray and forgot to wipe it off and she got annoyed her mouth got numb and it tasted weird.

I tried viagra once. I made me have intense BP and heart rate and I did get a decent erection but didn’t help PE. I came so quickly even with a condom and Stud100 spray. I need a better numbing product. I hate the sprays. My issue is that with a full erection, I can’t control my ejaculation sensation at all. And it’s hard for me to get a full erection without porn so I can edge properly. I’ve tried many times just relaxing and breating.

There was a comment about prostate stimulation to rewire the brain. I’ve dabbles just on the surface of the anus with a vibrator while aroused and that alone made me cum. Not sure what that all means. I didn’t go inside.

How do I find a tantric instructor??

I’ve tried a cockring before. It didn’t help me last longer but it also didn’t help keep my erection. Are there any specific ones that would be really helpful in keeping my erection full even after ejaculation?

Sorry to hear about the cheating, tmar89. I guess we all have our own approach to things, but I don’t know if I could proceed with someone who did that. You guys have kids, so that’s one reason, I suppose.

I have a couple questions, maybe they can help out:

What is your orgasm and ejaculation like? How long does it last; how long do the automatic contractions last? What do they feel like? Can you say the contractions during orgasm are strong enough to make you say “omg I’m cumming SO HARD right now!”, are they sometimes strong like that and sometimes weaker? How much semen do you produce, does it shoot out like crazy? How long does it take for all your cum to be released? I’m curious as to what your orgasmic ejaculation is like because depending on its qualities, you might be able to get into some specific kind of sex and play with your wife that you both have never done before. I don’t mean like “role play” but different kinds of sexual intimacy altogether. My wife has been in menopause for the last 3 years now and it has been a goddamn roller coaster and not fun. We do have moments of fun though, and sometimes we can have sex a few times a week and then sometimes only once a week or maybe twice a month, and that’s with her taking an estrogen suppository for wetness and vaginal muscle tone and atrophy prevention. So we masturbate together a good bit, and sex isn’t as long lasting or as varied in positions as it has always been, but we manage and its still very fun and the love is still strong. Depending on your the qualities of your orgasm and ejaculation, you and her could figure out how to do all kinds of things. Like a new position after each time you cum, stuff like that? Just spitballing here :)

You absolutely should get into prostate massage. For sure, do it. If a vibe on your anus made you cum, wait till you use a real prostate massager like an Aneros. I’ve used Aneros and all kinds of toys, everything imaginable, in my ass to work my prostate and ass in general and sex with my wife only got better and better. I started all this play in 2004 and its amazing stuff! It has expanded my orgasm to last quite long, sometimes a whole minute. I’ve always had decent stamina with my wife and can last about as long as I want, but with prostate stimulation and anal orgasms, I have complete control over all the sensations in my pelvis. I wish I could have things happen out of my control sometimes! You don’t need a Tantric master, you can get by on the classic best book on this topic: Flower in the Lotus. Its not old, its not dated, it is the KEY to everything. Get it, read it, study it, do the breathing exercises, do the Rishi Isometrics, Complete Breath, do all that shit, it is amazing stuff. Your sex will expand like the cosmos I swear it will, I’m way into this stuff, it is amazing.

You mentioned you need porn to get a good quality erection. Porn might be the root of your problems my friend. It killed my cock last year. Fucking fried it. Wet noodle hanging over my wife who, at the time due to medications that finally kicked in (but sadly the feeling lasted only a month), was wetter than I could ever remember, swollen hot and wanting my hard cock and I was a crying, beaten, defeated, weak-feeling shred of a wanna be man. In the fucking gutter. Then I realized one night that I could not only not get hard but couldn’t even cum if I didn’t have porn on. I quit it as thoroughly as I could the next day. Everything about it started to fade. In about 6 weeks my full raging hard on came back and I could penetrate my wife and masturbate to orgasm, hard the whole time, alone with no porn or any stimulus at all. I gave up but when I realized it was the porn, and when it left, I was back. That was a year ago this past Sunday. I have always felt good about my cock and my sex but not like now, now its insane. Porn is entirely repressive on the male brain. Try to get rid of it completely. It is not helping with anything in your life right now anyway, so what’s it worth keeping on?

Try Priligy. It can help your premature ejaculation big time.

Try Cialis, 20mg. It makes me not able to cum as easily. I got some for fun and to make a mold of my cock for my wife to play with and just have. I got generic stuff from India, and it works amazingly, but it makes it a little harder to cum, I have to really try hard.

I hate that your wife cheated on you. This is not cool and terrible. But it sounds like it is a kick in the pants for you and maybe with some new techniques and possibly new kinds of sex play you and her can rekindle your drive for each other. I hope things start to work out for you!

If I havent done reverse kegels in a while it can take me 40-50 of them to properly isolate the correct muscle. As long as I regularly do them it’s not an issue.

When I first tried PDE5 inhibitors, my doctor gave me samples of all 3 and said you need to try them all and find which one works best. I regularly take cialis and can also use viagra, but levitra gives me significant congestion and head ache.