Dating a girl with cold sores

I know this belongs in the sexual health forum but im putting it here to get more views. I’ve been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and we both really like each other. She’s a wonderful person. About a couple days ago I noticed that she had something on her lip, and she told me it was a cold sore, and that she gets them every semester when she’s stressed. We have made out before a lot (obviously not when she had sores), and haven’t had sex yet. I feel like im really in a dilemma because I dont have any diseases at all, and this is something that stays with you your entire life, but on the other hand I really do like her a lot. I haven’t kissed her since she’s had the sores. For those who are older and have more experience, do you think there any way to make this relationship work?

Yes don’t kiss her when she has any signs whatsooever of the cold sores. Tell her she needs to be honest if you are going to stay with her. She needs to respect your body.

And I put it where it belonged.

Herpes simplex type 1 is very common. Outbreaks are often brought on by stress as she has described. Can a relationship work? It’s up to you but be careful. HSV1 can be transmitted when no sores are present. It can also be transmitted to your genitals if she gives you a blow job. For me it’s not necessarily a deal breaker but if I was you I’d speak with your doctor and learn all you can before you go any farther. You should probably be tested too.

Good luck.

Yeah I think I definately need to talk to my doctor. Do any of you have HSV 1 or are or have been with a girl who has that?

She would kill me if she knew I posted this but my wife was infected genitally with HSV1 before I met her. The first outbreak was apparently very painful but she has had few subsequent outbreaks and they got less severe each time. We thought I may have been infected at one time (no symptoms, just timing) but I tested negative and have had no symptoms after 13 years together.

Educate yourself before making any decisions.

My mom gets coldsores, my dad doesn’t. I get them, my brother doesn’t.

Could mean that you are simply a carrier but non symptomatic

You CAN transmit oral herpes to the genitals as well….BE CAREFUL

Damn, how bad are genital herpes type 1 infections? So its probably an excuse to stay away from oral huh? :D Nah I don’t mind it, but its pretty unlikely to transfer during non-outbreak periods isn’t it?

Herpes is contagious and can be passed from person to person through any form of unprotected sex.

This can occur even when there are no sores or blisters present, so people who are infected can unknowingly spread the infection to another person.

A good article about HSV 1 and HSV 2 .

Takeaway quote:

Acquisition of one type is more difficult-though certainly possible-if you already have the other type. This is because either type, contracted orally or genitally, causes the body to produce antibodies, some of which are active against both HSV-1 and 2. This acquired immune response gives some limited protection if the body encounters a second type. When a person with a prior HSV infection does contract the second type, the first episode tends to be less severe than when no prior antibodies are present.

On a practical level, this means oral HSV-1 is often the most easily acquired herpes infection. Usually the first herpes simplex virus that people encounter, oral HSV-1, is typically spread simply by the kind of social kiss that a relative gives a child. Because children have no prior infection with any HSV type, they have no immune defense against the virus.

By the time they're teenagers or young adults, about 50% of Americans have HSV-1 antibodies in their blood. By the time they are over age 50, some 80-90% of Americans have HSV-1 antibodies.

By comparison, almost all HSV-2 is encountered after childhood, when people become sexually active. Those who have a prior infection with HSV-1 have an acquired immune response that lowers - though certainly doesn't eliminate-the risk of acquiring HSV-2. According to one study (Mertz, Annals of Internal Medicine,1992), previous oral HSV-1 infection reduces the acquisition of subsequent HSV-2 infection by 40%.

So if you’re 18, there is a 1 in 2 chance that you have already been exposed to HSV 1. And if you haven’t been yet, the odds are overwhelming that you will be exposed at some point in your life. But being exposed to HSV 1 lowers the risk (somewhat) of contracting an HSV 2 infection.

Another quote:

While HSV can be a frustrating and painful condition for some people, in general the virus is less a medical problem than a social problem. For most of us, genital herpes is no more dangerous than a cold sore.

HSV 1 is fucking ubiquitous. The good news is that it's no big deal!

There are two types of herpes simplex virus, HSV 1 and HSV 2. In the good old days, it use to be simple. HSV 1 cause cold sores and HSV 2 caused genital sores (the one that they sell Valtrex for; the one that is considered an STD; the one that is the gift that keeps on giving; the one you don’t want). Over 100 million Americans have been infected by HSV 1 at some point in their life and only about 5 % have cold sores that are considered a medical problem. Well, with Kinsey, the Sexual Revolution, Masters and Johnson and good old Ruth, it’s no longer that simple. With the increased acceptability of mouth on genital sex (blow jobs and carpet munching) HSV 1 and 2 are intermixed by location. So some of the ones you now see on some peoples’ lip may be HSV 2. In general, a HSV 2 infection of the lip and a HSV 1 infection of the genitals are less severe because they don’t always like to live away from “home”. HSV 1 infection of the genitals usually does not recur. Oral sex with someone with HSV 2 cold sores can lead to the recurring genital herpes that makes life miserable.

The HSV virus, either type lives in the cell bodies of the nerve cells that innervate the affected areas. Once you are infected, with either, you don’t get rid of them. With stress, they “crawl” out of the cell body and cause the recurring sores (either location). You have a 1 in 3 chance that you’ve already been infected with HSV 1 and may have had a case so mild it didn’t bother you and it never came back. You don’t “catch” it again if you are exposed by it again.

So what does this mean? Well if the girl you like has a typical looking cold sore, it is more than likely HSV 1. If you like her, put up with it (or someone else will). If you’re really concerned about what HSV type she has, there are tests that can detect the difference (though probably expensive). She’ll probably leave you if you ask her to take it. When she is affected, get her Abreva or some cold sore medicine and avoid kissing her. She probably won’t want to kiss you anyway since they can be uncomfortable. The odds are that even if she gave you a big wet juicy one with an ugly looking sore, you won’t be affected.

I agree Cheeva. But I get HSV1 on my lip so I am a bit biased. According to my doctor and all the research I have done, ALOT of people have this, some without knowing. I go to the doctor every six months anyway for a check up and fortunately this is all he has ever found.

For me, it only comes out when I am exposed to some serious sun (without sunscreen) or when I’m really stressed out or a combination of the two, so I maybe see it once a year. I have no idea who gave it to me and this far in my life, I don’t really care and have always been an advocate of safe sex. Unfortunately, this got through. When, I don’t know. I can only imagine what other things might have gotten through if I had not been as safe as I have been.

Not to sound all preachy but when I’m seeing someone, I am brutally honest with them and tell them exactly what it is, the symptoms, the treatment, etc. I don’t try to hide it by putting make up on it, lying about it or disappearing for a week. I do the absolute maximum to prevent someone else from getting it too by cutting out any kissing, oral sex and sharing straws, glasses, etc. Again, the best way to handle it is to be brutally honest with yourself, your partner and have full knowledge of it and ask others to respect you by doing the same regardless of how embarrassing it is.

Sorry for what seems like an ad, but even though my occurences are rare, I keep a good stock of Abreva around. At the slightest tingle, I start putting it on my lip. Even if I think I’m imagining it. To my knowledge, it is the ONLY stuff that actually works to reduce the healing time and haven’t had to look elsewhere. All the other stuff using camphor and menthol simply makes it feel all nice and moisturizes it but doesn’t do anything to minimise the healing time and only treats the pain. The thing about this HSV1 is that once it’s there it has to come out, minimising that time is only second to not spreading it further.

Anyway, keep it real.

OK, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve gotten cold sores ever since I was a little kid. I probably got it from my mom kissing me when I was a baby. At this point, I get a mild outbreak maybe once a year. Sun and/or stress are also triggers for me. It’s honestly never been an issue in relationships, no-one’s ever freaked on me when I’ve gotten a cold sore, and I haven’t passed it on to anyone.

I don’t think the whole “full disclosure” thing is necessary. It’s really not something I even think about, other than to keep some lysine handy. I don’t think anyone with HVS 1 should worry about it, and conversely I don’t think they should be stigmatized. Like I said in my previous post, the shit’s ubiquitous, and it’s no big deal. That said, obviously I don’t want to pass it on, and if and when I do feel an occurrence coming on, I let my partner know, and refrain from intimate contact for several days, even if there’s no sore.

What I’ve found to work for nipping an occurrence in the bud is lysine. I get that little tingle on my lip and megadose with lysine, then keep taking it for two or three days and there is no sore.

Thanks Cheeva, I’ll make sure I write that down and try that next time. How did you find that Lysine takes care of it?