Dilemna

Ok, I’ve been going out with this girl for 9 months now, and she means a lot to me. We were friends and knew each other for almost a year before we ever went out, but now I don’t know what I’d do without her. Now, on to the real question. A group of friends and I went to Hooters the other day to hang out, no big deal, just a bunch of friends hangin out. Anyways, I talked to her later and she said she didn’t really have a problem with me going to Hooters (which she shouldn’t IMO) but if it was somewhere like a strip club or something then she might have a problem. That’s fine with me, as I don’t plan on going to a strip club except for like a bachelor’s party type thing. Now, here’s the thing: I was talking to her today and her friend was in the car with her (we were talking on her cell, currently a long-distance relationship) and for whatever reason, her friend said she was going to have a stripper at her 20th birthday party. Now bear in mind that my girlfriend hasn’t said that she’s going to this party yet, but i’m pretty sure she’s going to want to go. SO: should I be mad that she is going to go to this party where there is a stripper? To be honest I don’t really care if she goes, because I know that there isn’t a guy on this earth that’s going to treat her better than I do and we have a really strong relationship, but I do feel that for her to go after making a statement that it wouldn’t be ok for me to go to a strip club is hypocritical. I don’t know, just looking for some feedback here guys. Let me know what you think.

It looks like you answered you own question. If you truly don’t care, then there’s no reason to be upset. Perhaps your question really is, “should I confront her about the hypocrisy?” If your relationship is as good as you say, and you have good communication with her, then you probably could ask her why it’s OK for her and not for you. You don’t have to be confrontational. People who know each other well should be able to discuss things like this without getting angry. Good luck!

Thanks west, that’s really the answer I was looking for. And that’s the direction I was probably going to take, but I wanted someone else to say they thought that was a good idea :) . Thanks again.

shenlon,
You said that it’s ok for you to go to the strippers but only on a bucks night or something like that right? Would she complain if you were in the same situation i.e. going to a party where there would be a stripper? I doubt it. There’s a big difference between going to a party where there would be a stripper and going to the strippers.

If you want to test her tell her that you’ve got a party on this weekend and there will be a few strippers there. If she says you cant go then she is a hypocrit and you should put your foot down and tell her your going anyway

This is a good thing. You are stuck on her and she is making a point of staking a claim on you.

<if it was somewhere like a strip club or something then she might have a problem> Men and women are very different about this stuff. The vast majority of women do this stuff, if at all, as a social event. Most of the business at noodie bars ( yep “Married With Children” fan) is from guys that go to strip clubs on a regular basis. She is just using girl speak to let you know that as a social event she has no problem with it, but if you like hanging out at strip clubs you are NOT the guy she thought you were.

I think that all the advice you got was good. I do think that it is a good idea to make sure both parties understand and agree on boundries. If she is ok with you going to a strip joint for a bachelor party, then the reverse ought to be ok. I actually if I were in your position would prefer to see her go with her gf’s to a male stripper night at a club. The reason: Some times in the privacy of a home and a small group things could get out of hand. But all this depends on your assessment of her an her friends trustworthiness. So overall I think that when she lets you know that she is planning to go I would use the opportunity to communicate and be sure that you both have equitable boundries for each other since a percieved double standard can lead to suspicion, jealousy and kill a relationship.