Do every man cheat? Why? Is watching porn cheating?

Is watching porn a form of cheating?
- No but it can be close if you are watching pictures that a girl send you personally.

Do you think cheating is okay as long as you don’t get caught?
- Yes if you don’t respect your partner or she don’t care.
- No if she worry about it or if you respect her.

Have you ever cheated on somebody? If so, did you do it for sex or for love?
- No but if i had done it would have been only for sex, cheating for love is stupid from my point of view, it’s not even a dilemma, just leave your wife because we don’t love her anymore.

Have you ever been caught cheating? What consequences did you deal with afterwards?
- No, but the consequences could be a total loss of confidence in her and in you.

Are you feeling tempted to cheat on your partner?
- Every fcking day !

What conditions made you cheat on your partner?
- if she was mean, not worth it and I couldn’t separate right away

Did you ever feel guilty after cheating? How did you deal with it?
- I feel guilty everyday about fantasize other women, but i slowly accept my true nature and stop feeling guilty about that.
I am an animal, I want sex, more that i actually have, nothing to be ashamed of.
- you are not guilty of anything except lying to yourself that you are happy with just one wife
- you need to accept the fact that men and women are not meant to have exclusive sex for too long.

Could you find forgiveness? Could you forgive someone who cheated on you?
- Yes because his is the only thing to do to have a peaceful mind.
- But forgiving does not mean continue the relationship (for me)

Guilt is useless because the only one who forbids is you yourself.
You build a prison yourself to fit the society.
Being aware of this prison and the true nature of it reduce a lot the guilt.
Guilt is a feeling that disappears if we look for its source.
You are the one making the rules of your life.

That’s pretty simple
If you cheat, then maybe your wife is not worth the pain to be loyal.
Or you don’t give a damn about her.

I totally get your point, but our common ground is where we both agree that there’s no way for the cheater to prove the why or how, it all depends on the partner whether he/she wants to forgive or no.

Hello there, Dr. Grayson. Thank you for participating.
Well, so far I’ve learnt a couple of things about this topic, and for the looks of it, I could say that the Thunders Place community is a faithful one.
Regarding your answers, I’ve got two questions.
First, It seems that the reason why you are being tempted is because you are not fully satisfied with your love life in your relationship, and you said that the daily routine is the main cause for the state of your relationship, but you also said that you are working on that. Could you share with us a little bit of your experience? Talk about your relationship, why you are where you are right now, and what are you doing specifically to get out of there?
Could you share a little bit of your experience with unfaithfulness? Why do you think you were cheated and why was it so hard for you to forgive her?

I believe that we can learn from everyone’s experiences here.

Do I think porn is cheating? No, but I don’t feel great about looking at it. I don’t think masturbating to it is cheating either, but I still do it sometimes because my wife has made it clear that she doesn’t want me bothering her. Have I ever cheated? Unfortunately, yes…and if you asked all of my friends and loved ones, they would say that I would’ve been the last one who they thought would ever cheat. I got married right out of college at age 22 to my college girlfriend. The only other time I had a girlfriend was in 9th grade and that was it. I had zero sexual experiences with anyone, except for my wife. We started dating after knowing each other for 2 years. It definitely wasn’t a love at first sight thing, but we kind of grew on each other and started dating. Both of us came from religious backgrounds and didn’t really believe in sex before marriage, but after dating for 9 months, we finally did it. During all of our dating and early marriage, I definitely felt like I was the one always initiating sex, I felt more in love with her, and displayed more emotion towards our relationship. My emotional range is a 1-10 and she’s about a 4-6. We made it through grad school together and after being married for 10 years, had our first kid. I was (and am) a very involved dad, and was the one who got up in the middle of the night to change diapers and feed our baby…she pumped on a schedule for the first 6 weeks and that was it. My parents helped take care of the baby during the day while she went back to work…and continued to travel a lot for work, as she did before (sometimes being gone for 1-2 weeks). In addition, I’ve always been the one to do most fo the laundry and more than my fair share of housework…so I was no deadbeat dad or husband. Our sex life was mediocre at best, and even though we had it, it was very vanilla, and she was more of a willing partner than an active participant. She only ever tried to give me a BJ twice, and never seemed to really care much about me, even though I was always going down on her, lots of massages, etc. So again, I continued to appear to care more about her than she cared about me. We decided to move from where we lived, and 3 about 3 months before leaving, one of my co-workers sent me a flirtatious e-mail. She was married too, knew I was leaving, and neither of us wanted to leave our spouses…and wanted nothing from me. After some back and forth IMs, we finally hooked up in a hotel a few times until I moved. Why did I do it? Well, it wasn’t because she was hot or anything, because she wasn’t…but there was a certain amount of attractiveness. There was also familiarity, so there was a comfort level there…which I needed due to my insecurity about my (average) size, as well as my inexperience with any other woman. Looking back, I did it because it was nice to feel physically wanted by someone…something I’d never felt before. In college, I had a few women throw themselves at me (which I was oblivious to at the time), but never acted on it a single bit. I was not my wife’s first choice, as she dated a bunch of other guys between meeting me and when we started dating…so I always felt like she settled for me due to the lack of options (small college campus) and my economic potential. Yes, she loved me and I don’t want to belittle that, but I never felt lusted after or that she really wanted me in any sort of animalistic way. Anyways, the couple of times I met up with this other woman didn’t go really well…I barely got it up and the sex sucked. However, I think we both loved the novelty and the feeling of being wanted by someone else…because her husband was pretty meh about her too. After 2 months, we ended up moving and that was that. I ended up telling my wife about it, which looking back was only self-serving. We had a tough time, but held it together for another 8 years before she finally called it quits. She was pretty adamant that it really had nothing to do with the affair years before, but that she just wasn’t in love with me anymore. I fought to keep us together for another year and a half before that was it. We had a very amicable divorce and get along famously…and we share 2 kids. We never really fought or even argued, except when I was trying to come to grips with the end of the marriage. Now I’m re-married, as is she, and we’re both happy. Looking back, we were the right partners for each other at the time, so I don’t regret that. I 100% regret the affair and would never do it again…and I told my current wife about it when we started dating. Sex it too tied to emotion and love for me, which is why I can never hook up with some rando, and why I don’t think my dick cooperated much when I was hooking up with someone I knew..I’m just not built like that. So in any case, if any of you are thinking about it…don’t do it.

Hey man, Thank you for your participation.
I thank you for your honesty and I can understand what you are sharing with us.
There are a couple of things I don’t agree with either for cultural or religious background, but I don’t consider human to be “animals” in the sense that we are controlled by our instincts and desire. In fact, our frontal lobe is designed to control our drives and influence our decision. If you have a greater sexual drive, it doesn’t have to do at all with your “animal nature”, it has to do with how you are satisfying that need.
If sex with your partner doesn’t satisfy you enough, then it’s an issue that both of you have to deal with. I believe the appeal of being with someone who’s not your partner relies on the excitement that doing something “wrong” or “forbidden” provides.
But for me, your wife and another woman can give you the same pleasure, they both have vaginas. It’s just a matter of love and how far you are willing to go to keep the fire of your relationship burning.
And all this makes me wonder, if primitive animal like penguins, fish, parrots and other species can mate for life, why can’t human beings do so?

Hey man, thank you for sharing your story and for participating. I could say that there is a lot to comment about in it, but your whole story already tells enough. I want to congratulate you for being a good father and husband, I don’t believe that cheating on your wife makes you a bad husband. I don’t believe in divorce, but even though it pains me to admit it, sometimes it’s the best option. Could you share with us why it watching porn doesn’t make you feel good?

I understand you but,

Animals are able to make decisions too.
I think the words animal and human are just helpful in distinguishing between two species.
It’s my opinion.
As for my sexual impulses, they originate from the desire for mating, of reproduction, so from my point of view they are fundamentally linked to my animal nature.
The interpretation “you” or “I” make of it is just a matter of debate and we will never agree on how to see the world.

The attraction that I have for other women is not based on the forbidden.
The forbidden is just one of the many reasons why I want to take other women, like diversity, novelty, unknown, etc …
From one woman to another the pleasure will be totally different.
Each woman has her habits, her facial expressions, a specific behavior, a different body, a way of doing things.
It can’t be the same for everyone.

I am incapable of loving without desiring other women.
If some think they can do it, good for them.
I can’t bring myself to believe in something unchangeable.
For me the only unchangeable thing is god. (way of speaking, the concept of god)
Human relationships cannot achieve such perfection, they are by nature ephemeral.

To answer your question, anyone can mate for life, everyone can do it.
But
Mating for life does not mean being happy for life, or living in the best possible way.
It’s just having “the couple” and or “the love” in your life, as a finality.
My path is different, I do not consider the couple as a finality.
And the fact that I’m aiming for something different makes me feel like people are willing to live in their illusions and hold on to things that have no roots for me.

( sorry for my english i hope i have been clear)

I think that men live with the stigma of being cheaters because women cheat more. I didn’t say “all” women, but the ones that do, are usually messing around with men who are taken. Thus their assumption.

Is watching porn a form of cheating?
No. But it can negatively affect your relationship due to the impact on sex. A marriage counselor once said, Tip #1…have sex.

Do you think cheating is okay as long as you don’t get caught?
No.

Have you ever cheated on somebody? If so, did you do it for sex or for love?
Yes. Sex.

Have you ever been caught cheating? What consequences did you deal with afterwards?
Yes. All of the obvious things, broken heart, killed trust, break up.

Are you feeling tempted to cheat on your partner?
No.

What conditions made you cheat on your partner?
For previous partners, opportunity, anger, revenge.

Did you ever feel guilty after cheating? How did you deal with it?
Yes. Apologize and be transparent. Continuing with a lie adds insult to injury. Work hard to earn trust.

Could you find forgiveness? Could you forgive someone who cheated on you?
I have been forgiven. I have forgiven. Takes a lot of work and transparency to rebuild trust.

I have a saying that I tell my SO whenever the topic of infidelity arises…

“I'm not faithful because I want to be faithful, I'm faithful because I don't want to be unfaithful”

Given the opportunity, I may be tempted to cheat. But because I’ve seen what it does to a person, especially someone who truly loves you, I can’t. It’s really fucked up. That may come across as an “oh, now he finds Christ” moment. But people get destroyed. Families and friendships are strained or lost….and for what? Sex.

Well that surely helps one sleep at night. I believe that guilt and empathy are correlated, such that if you don’t feel any guilt towards hurting someone (except for self-defense), then you lack empathy. If you don’t understand how your actions may have offended a person, then you may lack maturity. I don’t think that all instances of guilt are a result of falling short of society’s “expectations”.

Now this doesn’t mean blame yourself for every tear shed. But “own your shit”.

For me eliminating guilt does not mean “not taking responsibility for our actions” on the contrary.
It is just getting rid of a process of unnecessary suffering that we have known in the past “guilt”.
Just getting rid of guilt after having known it shows a form of maturity.
I think the one who feels guilty over everything is a human punching bag doomed to crash under the weight of his own life.
I think that the very existence of guilt aims to make us understand that suffering needlessly is bad for us.
All forms of guilt point to a sin and from this sin we learn lessons.
It doesn’t mean that we have to go through pain and guilt to understand this and learn from our actions.
I’m just making a shortcut being passed by the thousands of times
( sin > guilt > suffering > lesson > move on ) no need to worry anymore.
Now i go ( sin > lesson > move on )