Do every man cheat? Why? Is watching porn cheating?

Hey there, folks!
So cheating, huh? Is it just me or it seems like as time passes by, every man has to live with the stigma of being a cheater even when we’ve been pretty faithful?
I don’t know about you guys, but I believe in honouring my spouse; in being loyal and in that I can be fully satisfied with my couple.
Anyway, it doesn’t mean I haven’t felt like a cheater once in a while, especially when I wank or watch porn. A lot of men seem to consider it as something completely normal, intimate, personal. However, I imagine how I would feel if I catch my wife masturbating, watching porn. And I have to tell you, I wouldn’t feel quite manly or sure that I’m satisfying her in bed.
So I try not to do something that I don’t want her to do to me.
But yeah, there were times when I thought about porn while having sex with her so I could cum, and I talked more about that in another thread that I started.
The thing is, that every time I did that, I ended up feeling like I was cheating her, and that has made me ask myself “am I the only only one doing this?” And, of course, what better place to bring these questions than my caring community of thundersplace?
And not just that, I mean, there are so many things regarding this topic that most people don’t talk about for fear of being judged. Either the cheater or the cheated, we all have dealt with loyalty issues even more than once.
So, if you feel comfortable, I’d like to create a space where we can learn from other people experiences. I don’t know if this thread already exists or there’s something related to it. If there is, then I guess this thread could be moved to another place.
Now, I have some questions I’d like to ask and, man, if you like this, feel free to answer as many of them as you want.

Is watching porn a form of cheating?

Do you think cheating is okay as long as you don’t get caught?

Have you ever cheated on somebody? If so, did you do it for sex or for love?

Have you ever been caught cheating? What consequences did you deal with afterwards?

Are you feeling tempted to cheat on your partner?

What conditions made you cheat on your partner?

Did you ever feel guilty after cheating? How did you deal with it?

Could you find forgiveness? Could you forgive someone who cheated on you?

1) yes, probably, could be considered an “emotional affair” if watching on the sly to keep wife from finding out. If she is ok with porn, then no.

2) no

3) no

N/a

Well all these question does not have answer that apply to everyone for every man is different, have different mindset and view on life. We can only tell you our personal opinion but that does not mean you should behave like we do.

For me:

1) no
2) no
3) yes, the reason was alcohol. I drank so much and lost my memory. When I came back to world I was having sex.
4) no
5) I am feeling tempted to know what it would be with this or that girl, but I am not feeling tempted to cheat.
6) alcohol combined with poor state of my relationship.
7) yes, I broke up with my gf.
8) I could forgive her if she made it because she drank too much, like I did. Because I know what it is like and that I do not control myself at all, I don’t even know about myself when I drink way too much.
But once you know about yourself and you can control your choices then it is your decision to cheat and this I would not forgive.

Oh, that’s right. This is why I brought this up. I mean, we are all different, but sometimes we deal with the same problems, and the goal of this topic is to learn from others and find our own truth. There’s beautiful humbleness and wisdom in sharing your story and learning from the story of others.

In your case, I totally get what you mean about being under control of alcohol or even drugs. That happens more often that we think, and sometimes we have a hard time finding forgiveness or forgiving someone because we just think that “I was too high or too drunk” is just a poor excuse, but no, There are times when we lose it.
I do have a question for you. I hope you answer. You said that you could forgive someone who cheated on you if she was under the control of alcohol, but what would happen if she is depressed or stressed? I mean, alcohol is a substance that intoxicates your body; but mental issues like depression or stress also produce hormones and substance that might intoxicate us and make us do things that we wouldn’t do if we were mentally stable.

I must say, in my case I found out that I usually masturbate if I’m in a bad mood, worried or stressed. It just makes me feel a bit better even for a couple of minutes.

It is hard to answer question like this.

Let me start with what I think when I say under influence of alcohol. I do not mean that you drink 6 bears, your boundaries gets lower and you fuck with first attractive person because your gf/bf did not touch you for a week.
I am talking about state that is similar to sleep. It is state where your body is still working, moving, talking, etc… But you as a person are sleeping and thus you are not remembering
anything. I call it autopilot.
Usually when ppl get too drunk so they stop remembering, their body will soon follow their mind and they go to sleep. Either on the spot that they are or the will find bed.
But not me, I can go on this autopilot for whole night and man, I can tell you that it is not me at all.
Sometimes if I don’t drink during this autopilot thing then I get sober enough that I “woke up” from it and it feels like if you woke up in the morning. Just with the difference that you’re somewhere else than you remember you were, with different ppl and you did not slept at all. You were partying the whole time that you don’t remember.

Once this exactly happened to me. The Last thing that I remember is that I was out with friends, drinking and then the autopilot hit me. When I came back to my consciousness I was balls deep inside girl that I’ve never seen before…

So this is what I mean when I say under influence of alcohol. Because does not matter how much I am drunk, as long as I know about myself and I remember things it will always be my decision if I choose to have sex with someone or drive car while I am drunked… And that I would not forget.

About the mental state, it is hard to answer. All I can tell is that my GF have depression, she takes meds for it and you can be sure she does not have any taste for sex at all…
It is hard to imagine what these people are going through so I do not want to strictly say that I would not forget them. But I still stand behind what I said. If she still know about herself and can make her own decision it will be her fault. Does not matter if she had bad mood or few drinks which makes her less resistant.

Nope never cheated. Married 22 or 23 years (I forget).

Porn isn’t cheating. It’s about the male desire for unlimited sexual access.
Keep in mind that wives diddle themselves as well.

Please do not see this as an ordinary memory loss due to alcohol. When you woke up next day and you don’t remember what happened yesterday during drinking.
This is different, because with ordinary memory loss you are still yourself, you still know about yourself, you are still conscious while you’re drinking. Your memories just does not save into your brain so you will not remember last evening the next morning.

Well, although it does is a complicated topic, I have to say that it is really interesting as well. I mean, how can you know that your partner is or isn’t capable of making her own choices? How could you prove you were in this autopilot state? I guess that forgiving this kind of actions doesn’t depend on the state on which the cheater was on, but on how the other person feels about it. I think that before the eyes of the partner, cheating is never excusable.

I’m sorry about your girlfriend, I know what it’s like to be depressed. If you ever want to talk about it, just leave a message.

Well you hit the nail on its head. It is up to your partner if she is telling you the truth that she/he was really in this state. And it is up to you if you really trust your partner.

I have to say that I have never heard of the autopilot state as you described above.
I don’t drink, I’ve never been drunk. But I know a lot of people who does it.
Regarding alcohol, it’s not like I don’t like it, it’s just that I don’t drink to get drunk. There was this time in a work dinner when I had over three drinks of rum, and I began to laugh for anything. I was conscious and I could control my laughter but I just didn’t want to.
Now, I know this man who told me that he used to drink a lot, and he was the kind of man who would wake up lost after a party, but he said that it doesn’t matter how drunk he was, he could always remember what he did the night before. What you described is really interesting, do you think that maybe someone put something in your drink or it is just the way you get when you drink too much?

Hey, thank for participating. And congratulations for your loyalty. Man that’s admirable.
To be honest, I think your statement about porn is an over simplification of the topic given that women are as sexual as we are. I do think that cheating is way worse than watching porn, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t see porn as an issue. The world doesn’t have to turn around my perspective, but I’m just sharing my personal experience.

So we have reached a common ground here. It doesn’t matter how or why, it’s all about what your partner deals with it.

Haha, no :D Noone put anything into my drink :D It is just what is happening to me in general when I drink too much of strong alcohol in short time.

Maybe I just don’t understand you but I do not think that we reached common ground. For me it does matter how or why, that is why I was talking about that autopilot state.
-I can understand that if she is not conscious then it is not her free decision to have sex with someone else. Means I can forget her.
-If she is just drunk and her boundaries are lowered then it is her free decision, even when its afected by the alcohol, to have sex with someone else. Means I cannot forget her.
Like you said with your drunk story. You could not laugh, but you did not wanted. So you laughed. That was your decision.

If she cheated while just being drunked and I will know about it. It is her decision if she tell me the truth, or if she will lie to me and tell me that she was in this autopilot state.
And because I never can know for sure in which state she was, it is my decision to either trust her or not.

Oh I hope OP compiles this into a study of some kind.

Is watching porn a form of cheating? - Nope, no more so than a sex scene in a movie.

Do you think cheating is okay as long as you don’t get caught? - Also nope. No matter the relationship type, there’s got to be a cornerstone of trust.

Have you ever cheated on somebody? If so, did you do it for sex or for love? - Again, no.

Have you ever been caught cheating? What consequences did you deal with afterwards? - Nope, never had a reason to cheat.

Are you feeling tempted to cheat on your partner? - Daily. Routine has definitely damaged our love life. Slowly working on repairing that, so the temptations are getting less and less appealing, but gods is it hard work.

What conditions made you cheat on your partner? - Again, never happened and it won’t.

Did you ever feel guilty after cheating? How did you deal with it? - N/A

Could you find forgiveness? Could you forgive someone who cheated on you? - I have been cheated on, and frankly I just couldn’t let it go. It was indicative of a bigger problem in the relationship and frankly the last straw.