ED from Mentality or Physicality or Something Else?

First of all, I want to say that I am not entirely sure where to post this. I would have posted it in injuries or mens health, but it says I am a new member, but I swear I remember being here for a few years, and posting here and there even a few threads.. Aside from the point.

I’m 25. And I can’t remember the last time that I could actually get a full lasting erection. I don’t know exactly why this is. But I have speculations

My thought used to be that maybe I did PE too hard. I found this site around 17 or 18 on and off throughout the years. And I kinda lazily practiced the routine as per said. But mostly I didn’t pay attention to the number I was doing, I just listened to my body and did my best to do it not so rough (in terms of jelqing and stretches). And when I do do them, I do notice a difference in my penis. Its usually fuller and the results are regular, and my erections can get stronger sometimes. But it never really did so much. I do kegals as well. There are even some days where I do kegals and I am able to give myself a decent halfer. So I am not entirely sure the PE training is to blame. Because when I do the practices, they don’t seem so problematic. I never really get a full hard on until I am getting really close to cumming. This is within PE and with sex.

But I am a homosexual man, so most of the time I am pretty much with man. Basically, ill just go back and forth during sex as being somewhere between 30%-70% hard. I discussed my issues with one of my exes a year or so ago, and he told me I had no problem getting it up. (Which is weird, cause I didn’t find him so attractive) Even during some of my recent relationships with some dudes I found VERY sexy, it just doesn’t do much for my dick. I can still be very into it and very passionate, but my dick just doesn’t work so much. In addition, I have had a LOT of sex with MANY people. Upwards maybe from 200 or so. There are some tiny episodes in my life where I just go crazy and I can’t seem to get enough sex even though it is the opposite of what I want. What I do want is nice normal relationship in which I get to know somebody before hand for a good while before we even kiss. Ya know.. Something really cute. So one of my thoughts is therefore, maybe I am tired with just plain sex and I just want to have a great boyfriend that’s like my best friend.

I did at one point consider women, I used to think I was bi. The only girl I had sex.. Just didn’t really work out. I kind of just went soft right away, now you would think that just makes me gay. But this is animosity begins to become a great thing. The girl before her, a nice girl I knew for a while who wasn’t the prettiest, but nice. We just sucked eachothers faces off at a party at one point, and I was surprised that I actually stood up quite a bit in my pants.. However before this. There was a very weird situation years ago when I was 12. My friend (a boy) started convincing me to suck him off. At first I didn’t like the idea. But I kinda got used to it, and started liking it. But here is where it gets weird (and please deal with this maturely, its not a pleasant subject for me to type here, and I don’t want to type it, but I feel it may be connected). His little sister at the age of 8 took me into her closet and told me she wanted to tell me something away from her sisters and brother. She ended up kissing me and started to touch me. I just got so paralyzed and tried to push her away. And she went down on me. I don’t actively think about this a lot anymore, I still can’t entirely forgive myself. But I am much better than I was.

My living situation currently is not entirely the healthiest. I am a smoker (working actively on quitting). I am beginning to eat much better than I used to. I am starting to work out (again) as well cardio and weights. I am also an immigrant to Israel. So I am dealing with a whole bunch of immigration issues that are giving me not so normal of a life. I just served in military and was recently freed, and I am about to move out of barracks into an apartment in a few weeks. And I’ll be going back to school for something. I guess I am not unhealthy in the traditional sense, but more in the sense that I don’t feel very acclimated all of the way. The most unhealthy thing that I did was probably a lot of masturbating. (In terms of the ED) maybe from 1 to a few times a day. Sometimes missing a day or too. But my erections still remain about the same about 40%-80% I’d say when I beat it.

Last issue. Before I left to Israel, I had a boyfriend who felt pretty serious. It was a short relationship, but it was a huge spark. I mean.. The guy was a little chubby and stuff, but oh my god. The first day I met him (met online) in person. I sat next to him in his car and we both just got boners from looking at each other. I don’t remember entirely that I was full hard when we were having sex or not because I never really paid attention. We would even talk about what we want for family. Before I left to Israel, he told me he wanted to marry me. I thought at the beginning I could do it, but I ended up getting scared cause I knew I was leaving the country and it ended up ruining our relationship. Two years pass. And I hear from his brother that he drank himself to death. I have to say while I had moved on from the whole situation, I had dated other people, and at one point (and still now), I am crazy in love with someone that I haven’t been able to out my emotions to (met him about a year ago a year and a half ago). But when I heard this news of my ex would be finacee.. I just crashed in a spiral of depression (which was attributed by MANY other topics; maybe related, but I want to shorten this up). I have picked myself up and dusted myself off. So I am better.

I just can’t understand it, a majority of the guys I sleep with or date.. They are harder than rock. And I feel like I am insulting them, and I am constantly reminded of being inferior as a man cause I can’t make stand my penis. Even if I am with someone I maybe don’t know so well.. I should still have the natural reaction of a hard penis. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like sex is just.. Not for me.. Or I’m some form of A sexual. Maybe I don’t have a sexual preference. I don’t know.. I still have feelings for man though .I just need advice on.. What can I do? I want to be able to show a man who wants me or loves me that I am just as much as a man as he is.

And.. I do need to thank this forum. Through the advice and PE lessons. I am not entirely sure.. But from the times in my life where I have gotten involved with it. I have moved from around 6inchs to about 7 1/2.Thickness.I’m not sure.

But if you read all of this and have any kind of advice or comment.. Thank you in advance. (Please keep it nice and non-homophobic)

I think you should speak with an urologist.

I think it sounds like you have a lot going on psychologically and in your life that could be impeding getting a full erection. Interestingly although you say that you have a problem getting it up you had a partner that stated that it seemed like you got hard perfectly fine. Perhaps your judgement on "fully" hard could use a little calibration too. You should definitely take care of the physical factors that you are dealing with, the smoking, eating, exercise et cetera. However you should look into potential psychological barriers too. I found a great book that I’m using to get over my own pyschological ED.

"Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex" by
http://www.amaz … /dp/1572243864/

If you are looking for a book that concentrates on exercise and supplementation to help with ED then try this one:

Hardness Factor by Lamm and Couzens
http://www.amaz … /dp/0061235202/

If you are looking at a lot of porn or having a lot of anonymous sex then you probably want to cut that out and get into a different mental state.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it.

And AvgGuyUSA.. I am a recently freed and not very wealthy solider, and I am not living in the US. I don’t have a private address or the money to spare on books, would you happen to know of some really elaborate and good free references?

But as for the book that you are reading, let me know how its working for you?

And also, about the ex that I spoke to, he was someone from 7 years ago.I’m not sure if his comment is still relevant. But I will be sending you a message in a little once I am able to collect my thoughts and figure out my day.

I should also add.. The rampant sex I was having.. I basically stopped a few months ago but still beating it a lot. I recently am trying to stop porn. Mostly succeeding but occasionally beating off in the shower.(not everyday anymore)

I think you are right. I tried a few years ago, but they told me to not worry about it at the time. It’s time I try again. But with what information should I come to him with or what kind of things I should request to the urologist. I ask this question to be responded to in good detail. Because the doctors in Israel really.dooooon’t give a shit about you.. So I am not exactly sure how to push him to get some tests done.

(To give an example of how bad the health care is; I had a rash for several months.. I was in between doctors for months, they didn’t know what to call my rash and they never did so much as a skin scrape until they hospitalized and quarantined me for “scabies,” the rash remained after, I went back to the doctor, the NEW doctor I saw told me I never had scabies.. And it goes on)

So any information about how to talk to them about this would be appreciated..

Thank you both for the time you took to read and respond :)

Just tell him that you want to know your testosterone levels (total and free), estrogens, cholesterola and glicemic index. Check your blood pressure too. Those are the basic things you want to know.

Basically my doctor seemed pretty nice about helping! He sent me for a blood and urine test. So I just got to that today, so I am told I should be receive some form of results in about 3 days. When I follow up with my doctor. I will say that stopping the porn and the jerking off all of the time, has given me a bit more morning wood. But little by little things should change. And when I do beat off, I usually do it without porn in the shower, and I usually just edge and then stop. Sometimes I’m having accidents.

But I’ll update in a few days when I speak with the doctors again.

I’m on a porn detox. Well actually I’m turning my back on it forever.

Mt wife and began to have relationship issues in April last year and I surrogated sex with porn as we grew apart.

Recently we have been able to reconcile and I dropped the porn without a thought.

I still have ED occasionally with her partially due to the porn and other anxiety, but things are much better.

I’m glad for you. :)

It turns out, a week ago I got my blood tests back, it turns out I have an STD called Ueroplasma. I believe this is how it is called. He told me its very related. Theres no way of knowing how long I have had it. It’s basically bacteria that runs in the blood cells. I am on the end of my antibiotic treatment. I’m trying to lay back on porn. Sometimes I do it a little out of habit. But unfortunately.. I have no significant other to give me reasoning to lay back on porn..

Because I do still feel the need to get off.. I do still watch porn.I’d rather do that than sleep with a random.

We’ll see what happens in another week. I’m gonna try to lay off of porn some more and see what happens when I follow up with the doctor. I have maybe just some emotional issues.. Plus stress with dealing with new job (which I am not a fan of after a few weeks.) And I am a little alone and depressed as of recently. With my friends from my home country who have more or less forgetten about me.. And me not having a stable enough life in the new country in order to have any one to rely on or even to talk to.I’m feeling quite sad.

Stress is a major cause of psychological ED. So when you feel you are ready to have sex again with a partner, plan it so that it takes place in a non stressful environment wher you can relax a nd take your time to explore each others bodies. Orgasm should not be your primary goal, but rather work on enjoying an erotic experience with your partner. If a good erection is achieved and/or you orgasm does happen, consider ti a bonus.

A simple test conducted by urologists to determine if your ED is physiological or psychological is to feel if your anus responds (contracts) to a slight pull on your glans. If the anus contracts it is very likely your ED is psychological.

I lose erections with my wife in the evenings due to stress. She got upset a little last night and asked why this happens yet morning wood is so good.

I didn’t know how to say anything to dispel her concern because I’ve been worrying about the girl I was seeing while my wife and I were separated. I miss her but I know continuing to have contact with her is certain death for my marriage.

Then probably psycological maybe. But I dunno.. I get harder now.. Its just like.. Complete exploding standing erection if that makes sense. And that’s what I want. :) To have one of those and cum and continue having a boner Ha! Maybe I’m a little unrealistic. But I want it!

My morning wood is usually much better as well.. But that’s just natrual I think to every guy. Maybe were meant to have sex in the morning :)

And a-unit. That’s really rough man. I’ve never married anybody but I can only imagine you’re going through a huge complex of emotions. But I read a great article about love that I wish I could find for you. But I’ll try to summerize. Its possible to have many different kinds of love and love more than one person. But its important that you try to be comfortable and open with it. And be okay with caring about someone from a distance.

Through my own complications with someone I dated in the past I still am a little crazy for him. But I recently taken the stand to being okay with my feelings for him even though it is not reciprocated in the way that I want it to. I don’t know if anything I said has helped, but feel free to talk with me in more detail if you want. I’d hate to hear of someone dealing with emotional pains like this.

Kind words bro. I appreciate them.

My worry for the other girl is that she fell so hard for me. I feel as if I have betrayed her because even though I care deeply for her, I know I don’t love her like I know I love my wife.

This girl says she is strong and will be OK, and Even thought I was saying goodbye to her two weeks ago when I knew I should have. Maybe she needed me to then.

She knew I was still living with my wife while separated.

Anytime bro! :) I just saw I got some messages, I will check them in a bit
But I wanted to give an update as well..

I have started to have messing around again with others. And I’ve started somewhat enjoying it again, but I still don’t stand all of the way and it makes me a little insecure.I’m going to try a detox by eating only fruits and vegetables and start running soon again and get my life in order so I’m not awake at crazy hours (I work at a calling center and at a bar, so my hours are insane 16 hour shifts) A

After that to start running working out and gym and stop smoking :)

I will update with progress here and there