ED when 'going in'

Spod, do you think you could be thinking too much when you begin to have sex, or just before you insert? I think that may be so for you.

Talk to your doc for a couple minutes about this. Ask him if a few Viagra pills might not take the pressure off and get you over this “hump.”

It may well be the case avocet8, I’m going to try the normal fleshlight. Carry on with the PE newbie routine and see how things go. I have a friend who can get a viagra pill. Not to keen on the flushed look, headache, dodgy eyesight and if it did work don’t really want to end up relying on them.

I’m sure there are better qualified people than me in here that can give you advice, but I thought I’d throw mine in as well. For years I had the same problem and when I have sex with a new partner I still have and I have learnt to be very creative if I don’t want her to notice and get turned off. In my case it was anxiety related. I got over it with a little help from mr Cialis that in my opinion isn’t as bad as Viagra in the side effects department and doesn’t give you that super hard on that might make you slightly dependent on it. Also kegels can help. Personally if I get a softy I grip the base of my penis and kegel a couple of times, that would give some hardness back, start teasing her and insert what I can and start moving, in my case, after a couple of strokes I’m hard again.

Good luck!

If you just start dating someone that has ED problems as described by this poster, how long do you stay with him before you get so sexually frustrated you need to bail?

There are places in this forum where you can open a whit the topic you just described; in my opinion the guy was looking for advice and support, not to be reminded his problems might make someone so frustrated she needs to bail..
Just a thought

This is exactly what I was thinking. I think you are thinking to much. I have had similar problems when I’ve used a condoms in the past. The sensation just isn’t there and I start thinking. That’s the kiss of death. LOL

I suggest you look into d9’s Overcoming Performance Anxiety thread, and concurrently start a kegel routine. I’m thinking that with all the PC clamping you do when you’re getting turned on, it might just be tired by the time you want to insert. Even though kegels aren’t what make you hard per se, it helps keep you at your max. You might be fading just a little bit when you’re about to go in, but since you’re already kegeling like hell, you have no way to give yourself an extra little “pump.”

Second, lay off of the whackin’.. Although I have no sexual experience with a partner, I know that when I can’t keep it up while whackin’ it, I stop whackin’ it for a week or so (for reference, I’ve whacked it six times while writing this reply), until I have to whack it just to put it down. Then I have no problem for at least a month.

Also, get on or keep up your newbie PE routine.. When I tried one a while ago for about a week, my whang was far more sensitive due to all the tissue reawakening and new tissue building.

If none of those work, give Enzyte a shot.. I’ve heard some good things about that for ED (that’s what it’s for, NOT for enlargement). I forget the ingredients, but I remember them being less “lablike” and sounded more on the “natural” side.

Do all those things before you give into the pharmo-ED solutions. I’m worried that if you go down that route, you’ll find yourself unable to function without them.

Newandimproved,

do me a favor and take it easy on Froco. She’s as wet behind her ears, being on this board, as you are.

Besides that, I think she had a legitimate question…maybe it warrants a thread on its own, but nevertheless, when DO you actually start losing interest if you have a guy/girl that can’t keep up?

Spod,

I think it has a lot to do with your mental state. I’ve been there and sometimes it’s performance anxiety, meaning you want to do too much and that all at once. Don’t worry about it, just go with the flow. I suggest you get to know this girl better and I can assure you, the sex will be better, too. You’ll be more relaxed, feel more comfortable and will be able to perform. Just don’t put pressure on yourself. If she’s an understanding woman, the better.

Foreplay can be an all day thing, which for me, was always very exciting…knowing that my girl was hot & bothered. Short little e-mails, a quick phone call, a slight hint on what you want from her that night might get you going, if she’s game.

Try it, you’d might be surprised…

G’day Spod,

I can really sympathise with your situation. I’ve been through similar and I know other guys who have as well. I hope some of this advice is helpful. ED is Erectile Disfunction and is a physical problem. This means that a man is incapable of having erections because of some physical reason. Reasons might be: drugs, illness, depression, prostate problems etc. You have said that you can get an erection when you masturbate, therefore you do NOT have ED. I think it’s important to realise this. If, in your mind, you think you’re sick, your body will function accordingly.

What you’re experiencing is called PA (Performance Anxiety) and it’s quite common. Basically it means you can’t get or maintain an erection for psychological reasons. There are a number of things you can do to overcome this. Some of these are physical and some mental, some are a bit of both. Here’s a list:

1.) Stop masturbating. Now I know this is hard but you must do it. To help motivate you, ask yourself, “do I want to get off now, or do I want my penis back?”. Puts things in perspective doesn’t it? OK, I know that you’re not going to be able to cut out masturbation completely, but try to keep it down to once a week. This will do a number of things: it will make you hornier, make your erections harder when you have them, and it will begin to make you see women as your sexual outlet rather than your hand.

2.) Stop looking at porn. I assuming that you look at porn because most guys do. If you look at porn every day and then go without for a couple of weeks you’ll really notice the difference. Suddenly you’re looking at every girl’s ass that passes on the street and getting that old feeling back in your loins. Ditching porn goes hand in hand with not masturbating. If you need motivation, see above. Do you want your penis back?

3.) Make sure that your diet is right. Cut out alcohol and smoking because both interfere with circulation and make getting an erection more difficult. Eat plenty of fruit, vegies and breads etc. Drink more water. Consider taking supplements to enhance circulation. Some include gingko biloba, l-arginine, ginseng etc. Seriously consider drinking a couple of cups of green tea a day or before sex. Green tea is awesome stuff and a lot cheaper than supplements.

4.) Exercise. Any exercise will improve circulation but types of exercise that involve a lot of activity with the legs are best. They really get the blood flowing down there. Consider running, skipping, rollerblading etc. Also free weights work wonders for your circulation. The best exersises for lower circulation are squats, deadlifts and leg press. Free weights has the additional benefit of boosting testosterone too which in turn will help your sex drive and erection quality.

5.) Stay positive. Become aware of your self talk. If you think one negative thought about your sexual performance immediately replace it with three positive thoughts. The subconscious mind does not recognise logical reasoning. It believes exactly what you tell it. Simply tell yourself what you want to be and your subconscious believes it and in turn this affects your body and conscious thoughts. Try this and do not underestimate the power of it. It really works.

6.) Stop going to escorts/prostitutes. No offense to these ladies. You need to take the pressure off sex. Having an attractive woman, who you don’t know, who expects you to pay for her time is already more pressure than you need. I’d recommend finding a nice girl who you can develop a connection with and who will understand your anxiety. As long as you explain that it’s not her fault if you can’t perform right off, it will be OK. Talk to her and make sure she’s satisfied. As long as you’re straight up and you show you care about her, a decent girl will be willing to give you a chance. If she doesn’t, she’s not worth worrying about anyway.

7.) Get comfortable with your body and being naked. Now I never thought I had any sort of hangups about my body or being naked. But with my first girlfriend, I had exactly the same problem that you describe. I couldn’t understand it. I wasn’t embarrassed to be naked in front of her or anything but there was a nagging tension that I couldn’t put my finger on. I decided to ditch the boxer shorts and start sleeping naked at night to get me used to it. This really helped me. Now I don’t give it a seond thought and my sex life is great.

8.) This is perhaps the most important thing. STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. Worrying about your performance only makes it worse next time. When you’re with a woman, just think about the current moment and enjoy the experience. Don’t think about two minutes from now or what if … Just concentrate on how sexy this girl is and enjoy being naked with a sexy chick. You don’t have to have sex. Some girls will even give you major points for holding off with sex for a while into the relationship. You can use this to your advantage. Sex is meant to be fun. Have fun.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck mate…not that you need it. :-)

I think Paulski82 is 100% right on this one. If you do as he says, you will be cured. Especially, #8.

My question wasn’t meant to offend nor was it directed specifically at Spod. I don’t have permission to start a new thread so I posted in this one. My question was more general and directed to all members in regards to how long you stick it out with someone you just started dating if they have ED problems and you are sexually frustrated as a result.

You have your own thread now here in MSHF which you can read and post to.

Froco and Uncut4big

I apologize for being too blunt. Having had the same problem myself, and noticing how embarassed spod was, I got -ehm, sorry, English is not my first language: would touched be an appropriate thing to say?- by the post.
I was not my intention to be rude.

As far as the question goes.That really depends on the partner I’m with :)

I have this problem too. The last 3 times I had sex was like this…

First time: Hard, put condom on, entered her. Started to lose the erection. Managed to stay 70% hard. Switched to doggie. Enjoyed it though I still really didn’t feel much (much less effort on my part since she was pushing back while I was pushing forward). Out of no where, I started to feel really good… but that was because I went from not feeling much to about 5 seconds away from the “point of no return”. I told her and she was like “go for it” so I just let myself cum.
Second time: Hard until right before she wanted me in her. Had to stroke it a bit to get hard again. Put condom on, entered her. I noticed it felt REALLy good on insertion but then lost the feeling and started to lose it. Pulled out to change position and lost it immediately. Afterwards, I tried to jerk off by myself but my erection would wilt as soon as I stopped stroking.
Third time: I put the condom on. I enter her. Same deal. I can start to feel myself soften a bit so I started to thrust faster and kegel a bit. Still losing it. So I thrust even faster. I’m staying hard now. But brain tells me “you don’t feel enough, so if you stop, it’s bye bye!” So I speed up as fast as I can and then like before, I go from “barely feeling” to “feeling way too much”. Unfortunately I wasn’t going for all that long. So I had a choice. Slow down and risk losing my erection or keep on going and cum too early. I chose to cum early since I don’t think I could mentally take it if I lost my erection twice like that.

As far as I can tell it’s a two fold problem.
1) Excess masturbation. Your body gets used a certain feeling to reach orgasm and other stimuli aren’t as effective since you’ve trained your body so well. For me if I wasn’t feeling what I was used to, my mind starts to tell me “ah, you don’t feel anything, just give up” and I lose it. The second I get back into my routine I harden up.
2) Mental blockage. If you THINK you’ll lose your erection, you will. It’s definitely a self fulfilling thing. Because you’ll lose a little of your erection if you doubt yourself which makes you doubt yourself more, which makes you lose more, and then your’e convinced you will and you do.

This is the solution I came up with. I can’t vouch for how well it works but this is what I’m trying.
1) keep masturbating, but masturbate with a light grip, the other hand, stroking slowly. keep doing this until you can stay hard like that for at least 5 minutes. basically train yourself to enjoy and stay hard with very low stimuli. even if you can’t cum, if you can stay hard for 5 minutes like that, there you go.
2) when you can move on to gripping your penis lightly and getting stimulation by thrusting with your hips. again do this until you can do it for at least 5 minutes. basically you train yourself to stay hard with low stimuli AND while you have to “work”.
3) see if you can do it without watching porn. you don’t want to be reliant on porn.

it’s really easy to say “stop worrying about it” but I know it’s not something you can just shut out of your mind. my personal opinion is knowing that you can stay hard while thrusting with low stimuli for at least 5 minutes will help you “stop worrying about it” for at least a few minutes. At least that’s what I’m hoping.

Good luck.

I’m in the same boat. The strange thing is that it’s only when I’m with a girl I want to have a relationship with. I’ve been bangin’ my neighbor girl upstairs for awhile and it’s NEVER a problem to get hard and have great sex with her. Even multiple times. It’s when I get into a dating scenario with a girl who would be my potential girlfriend. THAT is when I get the performance anxiety issues going on.

I have a new girl I’ve been seeing. We were watching her favorite show, Sex in the City. This guy on an episode last night couldn’t get it up. Without going into great detail on a show I don’t watch or care for, the basic plot was the guy and girl had a great time making out, hanging out, had a strong attraction to eachother, but the sex sucked. He couldn’t perform. This is true in my case a lot of times and the girl I’m seeing actually asked me, “Do you ever have problems like that?” She didn’t say it in a condescending way or to be a smart ass, but just nonchalantly in conversation. I of course told her no, that I did not have any issues. I didn’t want to doom it from the starting gate. But- on the contrary, I DO worry about the first time we’re going to have sex because I know it will happen and probably soon. I’ve got some viagra to help me out for the first time. I’ve learned to use it as insurance for the first time, but I’d like to be able to dump it and not rely on it for the first time. Usually after I show her that I don’t have any “problems” then I don’t use it anymore with that particular girl. Because after I get the first time jitters session over with, I’m good to go for the next time. I don’t feel that anxiety anymore.

I am not some sexual freak who jerks it 4 times a day, but I would say that I’m a daily or almost daily with the masturbating. I find that it makes for a better night’s sleep. I’m actually wondering that if I cut it down to once a week if that would really help or not. I’m wondering if it’d make me be a pre-ejaculator since I wouldn’t be orgasming regularly/daily, or if it would help because I’m not “overdoing” it.

I sure would like to make it work with this girl and show her that I’m good in bed and don’t have any performance issues. For me (until viagra) that’s where I crashed and burned. I have had great beginnings with women…beautiful women, and have had them really really like me, but when it came to bed it wasn’t my size (average) or anything that turned them off, it was that I had performance anxiety. I performed great oral for them so for some it wasn’t an issue, but a couple were put off because they thought it was because I wasn’t attracted to them, which wasn’t the case! So I’m desperately trying to figure out a way to put this all together and make sex work for me this time with this girl maybe without being reliant on the little blue diamond.

Any thoughts?