Kegels during sex How to prolong, avoid premature, harder erections

Hi everyone!

This is my first post. I’ve been reading like a mad for the last 4 weeks, I registered and will be starting serious newbie routine as of tomorrow morning.

I’ve done so much searching and reading, yet found no answer to this one..

I found this website, after losing the love of my life, I pretty much came to the conclusion my lack of sex endurance was a key factor. I am utterly depressed and my self esteem has yet again plunged into dark emotional territory. But I have started meditating seriously, breathing exercises seriously (This is a brave new world people! Take notice!) - also because I am a VERY anxious person, and don’t really want to take pills.

I am happy with my penis (now!! Thank you all!) but will PE for health reasons, why not some gain and girth? But mainly to help with premature ejaculation. I have always been a premature ejaculator, except when drunk or high on something.

I am no druggy mind you, just recreational and sporadic. I have started with edging and I am up to 10 minutes with serious porn and head (gland) stimulation. And yes, alone I do last WAY longer than the REAL deal. This is just with mentally trying to back off way WAAAAY before ejaculation.. But then, when I “know” I am in control.. BC comes in (pun intended) pumping unannounced, game over. Now I will start a more proper routine to maximize the knowledge within.

I just realised there is something called reverse kegeling.. I understand the concept (like when you fart.. Is it like trying to expand the BC a little?) - but would love another explanation.

I have been kegeling without scheduled, I ride my bike a lot and like to kegel during.. I can almost clench to full block, but I never ever ever managed to lock tight.

My question is.. How do I use my body during sex?

When having actual sex.. I can’t really recall because I have had none since I found this website.. Is the BC supposed to totally UN-operational until the moment of release or clench? I think I contract it on and off while thrusting, randomly, to pump the gland a little.. And from what I have read this induces pre-cum, which induces cum I suppose, which might lead to prematureness..

I can’t be sure, but when I am on a good day (during sex) and last a little longer, I think I relax the BC a little more than usual, but then my erections suffer a little! So I have to stimulate it with more “brain” power and thrusting, have a good erection.. Then off it goes.. Damn !

Someone please lend an advice.. I really love this girl and if, eventually, I could win her over and bring her down, I would seriously love to give her a good time.

The only few time I have been a champ in the sac was when I feel like my dick is like.. Locked out.. Fully fully erect (which is very very rare).. In those occasions, I really feel like I own my own body. Like I absolutely know I will not premature. I have a hard hard erection that lasts until I want to. But I have no idea how I came upon these states of mind

Thank you all - you have no idea how in such short time this community has helped me so much! I really hope to be able to give my share in the future.

PS: oh yeah, what is stair-step kegeling.. I have found zero info here! Search doesn’t quite do it’s job, and yes I have been all through the FAQ and NEWBIE stuff.

El-dude,

Most premature ejaculation is psychologically motivated. It seems from your post that you anticipate ejaculating earlier than you would like. This is probably based on past experience, reinforced through repetition. A useful exercise to overcome this would be to return in your mind to the first time you ejaculated prematurely and with what you know today what you would have done differently then to delay cuming until a time that was more suitable for you. How would you feel differently when it had happened that way? And your whole sexual history was different to this day? By reliving the experience in your mind the way you would have liked it to happen you literally change the way you observe your personal history. The fact that it happened a number of times doesnt mean it will always be like that. You yourself say that there are better times: “he only few time I have been a champ in the sac was when I feel like my dick is like.. Locked out.. Fully fully erect (which is very very rare).. In those occasions, I really feel like I own my own body. Like I absolutely know I will not premature. I have a hard hard erection that lasts until I want to. But I have no idea how I came upon these states of mind”. How do you know beforehand that you will be a champ in the sac? It must have a certain feeling associated with it. Get in touch with it _before_ you start in bed or masturbating and see how things go differently.

Cyberflow thanks!

Sorry if I sort of ranted. First post, delicate subject.. Still am a bit nervous writing about it.

History.. Been developing a steady going anxiety disorder until now. I now suffer from it, but can control it pretty well in behaviour, but alas, those butterflies still swarm up in bed with a girl ! I am working on it hard (anxiety) but it’s one tough monster! Very slowly it’s working.

I never ever known when I will be a “champ in the sac”, but alcohol does cut anxiety, but even sober, I only know when I penetrate or shortly after.. When I pass over the “one minute man” ordeal of penetrating. Then I feel very secure of myself. I know how my problem is psychological. I want to train my mind through the right sensations in the body! I am almost majored in psychology actually (but no real experience) - the other issue is, I am not one to have many sexual adventures to tell. I love women, ALOT, love sex above all, have had it many a many times.. But have had few partners. I am way more into the “love” side of it. When I have had one nighters, special friends, etc.. It’s no better or worse.

My first sexual experience was short and pretty drunk :) We both were quite wasted. We had just started dating an I was 17 (now 29), the second time round, she broke half my frenum with her ring(no pain though.) I had to surgically cut the rest. But I still have my foreskin. Was traumatizing back then, but after a couple of rides I was free of fear. Actually, got more confident as my frenum would hurt a little masturbating etc. Appart from that, just drop dead gorgeous girls that intimidated me, wanting to please them to the max, forgetting myself.

I know whats going on, but can’t seem to kick it off. Again, with PE and good advice, I want to re-programme my brain response to the actual physical ongoing. But I think I am missing something in the “manual of the male intercourse”.

Do you guys that don’t premature, or have solved it, explain how your body is going? I mean, when thrusting, do you leave the BC alone entirely? Only clamp if needed to block ejaculation? Do you continue thrusting while you do this, or take a short break? Reverse kegel (never tried it, will inform later) ?

Thank you x20

It’s amazing how well this can work, but practice is all that improves performance. Again, someone said you have to have a “willingness to fail” which always gives me a big grin!

I think this is a bit different for everyone but here’s my experience:

I normally find that by reverse-kegeling for ten seconds or so, followed by kegeling for ten seconds, followed by reverse-kegeling, things back down. This is usually in conjunction with deep penetration but shallow, slow, strokes. She’s still getting some stimulation and I’m cooling down.

I sometimes Follow that by almost complete withdrawl and using a Tantric trick of 8 short strokes, 1 long stroke. I then decrease the short strokes by one or two and, after the next round of short strokes, give those short strokes I took away to the long strokes (ie 7 and 2, 6 and 3, 5 and 4, 4 and 5, 3 and 6 …. 8,1). The short strokes let you cool off outside her body while still providing stimulation for her.

After I get past a minute or two I can be much more creative because I seem to desensitize and go quite a bit longer (never timed it but my fiance’ was quite impressed).

On top of that, there is the non-ejaculatory orgasm which is absolutely phenominal. It’s harder to master, and I still can’t count on it 100%, but … damn! Imagine having an orgasm and staying hard. I would say work on techniques that cool you down and remove some stimulation and look into “dry orgasms” as a fall-back position. Once you get good at them they can become a regular part of the toolbox, but since I’m probably batting about 80% I personally wouldn’t want to put all my eggs in that basket.

Hmmm.. Yes.. I am quite intrigued by this dry orgasm. For all I have have found, you fell and act just like it, but no semen comes out. Does the BC contract super fast just like a wet one? How on earth can you stop semen from coming out (ie: controlling the prostate, Crowpler (sp?) etc)

I am super super dedicated to fail and learn and improve. Again, I am using the search, but it really does need a technical look inside. Just a suggestion.

I think you’ll find the info below interesting. However, I should have responded the first time I posted in this thread with this: your relationship did not die because of an inability for you to be a human vibrator. She wasn’t the love of your life, you just think she was. Blunt, but true. Sex is important, but by itself it will not make or break a relationship - there will have to be other things wrong as well. She WAS the love of your life up until this point. You’ll find out, after time, that she may have meant something to you but she wasn’t and wouldn’t be your life partner. I never had sex be a reason for a break-up, but I did have a break-up with "the" love of my life and it messed me up for a few years. Don’t waste your time on it. As long as you don’t fixate yourself on the lost love you’ll eventually build other relationships and, hopefully, find your real life companion. Now, on with your mission …

I found some threads. You could probably search for premature and/or ejaculation and/or "dry orgasm" and/or "delay orgasm" to find threads. This is one I could find fairly easily and reminded me to add a tidbit today as well: My question regarding Ki, Tantra, Sexual Energy, etc… here’s another: Thanks Thunder’s - Tantric is cool! and another: Seminal Kung Fu and Crown Chakra Orgasms and Westla must be a master of the search engine (he has a rather impressive list in this thread): westla90069 - How to Multiple Male Orgasm?

Somewhere on here there is a thread about a "fleshlight". I’m not ready to spend that kind of money - however, the "fleshlight" has gotten some honorable mentions as a training aid if you’re not in a relationship or your partner isn’t too forgiving of less than stellar sexual performance.

I am lucky to be involved in a relationship where I can enjoy practicing techniques with her joyous agreement. Although lately, it seems like she’s on a mission to see if she can overwhelm my efforts to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. She views my less-than-stellar performances (blowing fast) as an indication I’m really hot for her (which is true), so we’re busily engaged in a battle for me to last and her to make me blow. Oh, the suffering I endure!

Personally, after the years with my fiance’, my recommendation is to dump any woman who complains about your performance (that assumes you are at least trying to pleasure her and improve yourself). From what I’ve learned over the years I’m probably luckier than 90% of the men out there and I know she feels the same way about her situation. It’s because we view sex as a part of our loving relationship, not the center of it. As a result, we play at it, work at it, and just plain enjoy it. Here’s a thread I started after reading about a lot of guys who believed their relationships were/are/will suffer due to inability to last: A great lover …

Work on improving yourself, it’s not a bad thing, but don’t do it because you think it’s what makes a relationship last. It won’t. More important things will.

Johansen. Thank you very much for your reassuring words. I will devour these threads.

The thing is, I do believe that a great bed relationship is one of the main foundations of a good relationship. I could be premature, and if my partner is cool at working at it, only great things happen to the relationship, despite the endurance. Obviously, it’s not the sole reason, and I do know what went wrong elsewhere. If a relationship is solely determined on sex, it’s fun but essentially bullshit.

What it am trying to find first hand is, albeit knowledge of how thing work.. The knowledge of “in the action”, as opposed to “in the gym”.

Yesterday I tried reverse kegeling and I kind of opened a new door to my understanding. I know I walking through straight lines here. I will keep posting my views on this subject.

Thanks!

A great sex relationship will cover up the flaws in the foundation of a relationship. A great sex relationship is the result of a good foundation, not the other way around.

The fact is, most women require oral or manual stimulation of the clit or G-spot to orgasm anyway. So, if you’re curling her toes and rolling her eyes into the back of her head prior to even engaging in intercourse, half the battle is won. I’m not trying to diminish efforts to improve your ability to satisfy you partner though … it’s certainly a wonderful hobby I engage in myself :D .

However, don’t get the idea that if you blow her away in bed that all will be well. That may keep her around and/or coming back for a time, but in the end y’all will spend much more time engaging in non-sexual activities than you’ll ever spend having sex - if those aspects aren’t working then the relationship is doomed anyway.

That being said, my original efforts at Tantric and Tao were to try to resurrect a failing relationship that I didn’t want to let go of. In the end the relationship withered and died. However, the skills are proving useful with my current lover. So yeah, knock yourself out, somebody will appreciate the fruits of your efforts :) .

This is where I am at. Someone will benefit.