Lasted very long once, but only that once! :(

Hi,

So I lost my virginity about 2 months ago, and the first times we had sex I came too soon.
I am talking about 2-3 minutes.

Then, once in a while I could endure 10minutes…

However, last week I don’t know what came to me but I could go on for at least 30minutes or how long it was. She even got soreness in her abs… :)

Then the very next time, I was back at 2minute-man.

I want that night when there was no end!
I try to imagine what I did,.. and only thing I know was that we changed positions often and laughed, joked and just before we had talked about something and I opened up about something.

There was like no tension at all…

So the speed of ejaculation is mostly depending on psychic thoughts?

Do you have any psychic tips? Because even though I try to start and stop,.. well, sometimes it works but sometimes I get even more aroused when holding in her.., honey-cave… :)

Thanks for replies! :)

Try some kegels and reverse kegels. Edging also helps too :)

Yes I try that,.. but is there something MENTALLY that one can think of,.. some thoughts during sex or something… ?

I know exactly what you mean, Exochico. Sometimes I don’t last long enough, other times (rare times) I will last TOO long.

I’ve always thought/knew it’s a mental thing, but your story proves it.

We need some sort of way to improve us MENTALLY, rather than relying the physical exercises such as Kegelling and Edging (though these could almost be like placebos). Anybody who helps Exochico here, will be helping me too.

Guys I think I have an answer to your dilemma, well kind of:

I’m like you guys as well. Sometimes I last a minute, sometimes a month, although for the first few times with a girl, I just can’t cum. That is irrelevant though. I figured that I last longer, or as long as I like, when my mind frame is set on fucking the shit out of her. Kegels are important, but the thing I have to over come is listening to that girl, and seeing her, enjoy her self or orgasm. With me that is the kicker that kills me usually, but when I am in the zone, thinking, I am the man, and making it a must that I see this chick orgasm before I do, well then there is no stopping me.

Just a thought, give it a shot.

Hmm.. Now that you mention it, and can sort of see that mind-set in mySELF in the times that I do last longer.

Whenver I think “This is going to be crap, because I’m going to explode fast. So fuck it, I’ll just go at it” I usually last longer. But if I think “god damn she’s hot tonight, I can’t wait to put my throbbing member inside her warm cave. Oh there it is. Oh this is awesome” - kind of thoughts, then I’m done for. :D

Hmm, thanks for putting it into perspective, TC.

Another tip: Meditating while having sex helps a lot with actual physical sensitivity. I know this sounds like some yoga sails pitch but it isn’t, and I don’t do yoga.

You would have to have some sort of non-sexual experience with meditation (high school did it for me, slept threw most of it with my eyes opened) to know what you are doing. But getting to that calm, relaxed, and focused place in your mind really gives you a advantage when thrusting and fucking at high speeds.

You see, once a girl starts moving around with you, or when she is on top, you are not in control of the friction. Kegeling at the right moment in these cases can be a very hard thing to do, but if you are just focused, relaxed, calm, and still in control of your body as opposed to the friction, you can get away with a lot.

I know that when this is put in black and white it looks like it is so complicated. But it isn’t in practice. It’s like when you start shooting your jump shot in basketball. When your coach explains how your feet have to be at a certain angle, and you have to release the ball with your wrist at the peak of the jump, it all sounds so hard. And you try it and you have no idea what the hell you are doing. And then one day you just go on the court, not think about it too much, and wham! You have a proper jump shot.

i find that thinking about work helps make the difference in 10-min and 2-hours. if i think about the fact there is a super hotty on top/below me =P i get that super, (too horny) vibe going. if i think about how much i hate my job.. the sky is the limit.

At most porn shops they sell de-sensitizing cream for your cock.

Then you will fuck like a porn star.

You probably need to train the body behind the dick also to catch up with your dick.

That you need a strong body to fuck so hard to make your dick come.

Desensitizing cream is not the answer when it is psychological. I’ve put on all the desensitizing cream it took to numb the heck out of my penis and I’ve still had sessions where I lasted a mere minute. It was because mentally, I was way too worried about having an orgasm that once I was in the moment, it was all over before it began.

I can last a pretty long time during sex. This however was not always the case. My first couple years of having sex was a wreck sometimes I would just have a total pump and dump where I would last only a mere 5 seconds. It takes practice to get past your mental barriers but once you get it down then you will be ready for the porn movies (once you also get a little more bigger).

ThatCat posted about Meditating during sex. This really does work! When you calm your mind and relax all your muscles and focus on only the task at hand it takes away a lot of tension, and enables you to have much more stamina. Pick up meditation at home in order to practice, just get a meditation book, or take a yoga class. Meditating while having sex is the basic idea of Tantric sex. So studying Tantric would be ideal if you already have basic meditating down packed.

Another thing that I find that helps alot is communicating to your partner how you feel. If you feel like you are to sensitive and are about to orgasm then tell her. When I do this It often takes off all of my pressure and I end up not going over the edge after all.

The mind has more to do with premature ejaculation than anything master it during sex and you can go from minute man to hour man if you so desire.

I disagree that the “desensiting products are not the answer.” I, too, used to be plagued by cumming too soon, and for me the desensitizing spray was precisely the tool that allowed me to get an edge and build confidence and control—they go hand in hand. I used the spray for about 2 months and at the end of that period no longer needed it anymore. It’s been years since I used it and what a difference being able to control cumming makes.

I agree that the biggest challenge will be when your control actually starts improving and she starts enjoying it more because you have good control, and she will start cumming like a rocket and that will tend to make you lose control. For me I needed the advantage that the spray conferred to break the pattern of cummin too fast. I have no problem with control anymore. I can last as long as needed; my partner gets off every single time before me, and my partner gets of _better_ because she knows she can trust me to keep control till it’s time, so she relaxes more and—for lack of a better expression—in relaxing begins more and more to let out her “inner slut.”

I agree that in many (perhaps most) cases cumming too fast is psychological; I think it was entirely psychological in my case. Nevertheless, I highly recommend the desensitising spray to break the pattern of cumming too fast. It’s only a temporary tool, a training tool to allow you to gain an edge and break the pattern, to learn to gain control and to gain the confidence that comes with control. In my experience, as my control improved my confidence improved which further improved my control which—you get the picture.

If this makes sense to folks who struggle with what I once struggled with, then I recommend it. But… use a metered spray (like Stud 100) so you can accurately dose yourself and accurately reduce the dose overtime, systematically, as you gain more control and are ready to progressively remove the crutch.

Don’t continue to suffer from this problem. You can beat it. I’ve left some detailed posts over the past few months for those who want more info on the process. You (and your partner) will thank me.

Ddog.

Don’t do sex, if both of you are really not into it.

And do kegels and edging to master lasting.

I have the opposite problem, but when I want to stave off ejaculation I just think about Oprah or something logical, like doing math problems in my head.

My real problem is it takes me FOREVER to cum and I often finish sex without ejaculating. I kind of like it though, because that means the woman doesn’t get the satisfaction of pleasuring me.

That just made me bang my head into the wall with jealousy. :worthy: