Need help

Hi,

Ive been coming to this forum for a while now often using it as a good place for information on sexual health and imroving my penis size, etc. I came here and another site way before when I was a virgin and I think the information and stories I’ve gotten from you guys on past experiences has vastly helped me when I did first start having sexual relations with my current girlfriend. So this is the only place I feel comfortable coming asking a question like this considering most guys here are some of the most knowledgable I’ve seen in my life in regards to topics like this…..

But anyway my problem is this. I’ve been with my girlfriend for close to a year. Before then I would masterbate to porn about 1 to 2 times a day (Sometimes as much as 4 times a day), never realizing the risk you’re running of desentizing yourself to real sexual stimulation. The first time I’ve had sex with my girlfriend I was relaxed, calm and I performed well enough that she didnt even know I wasnt a virgin. Well the problem was this…. the reason it seemed like I performed so well is because I lasted nearly two hours, hitting her from all sorts of positions, but thats becase I never came close to having an orgasm….

I figured this would pass over time and since i was pleasing her I could bide my time until eventually I figured Id ejaculate during sex. Well it’s been a little under a year (we had sex last october 30) and I’ve had sex with her reguarly and still not ejaculated even once. I often “pretend” like Im cumming and grab a tissue, sheet, towel, whatever and completely cover my dick as I pretend to let it go. She is the type that she doesnt really want my stuff on her, so she wont really investigate.

Well I’m stuck and dont know what to do. I’ve tried laying off masterbation for a week at a time before I’ve had sex with her to no avail. I’ve tried everything. It just isn’t working. And now it also feels like my erections arent as strong as they could possibly be and sometimes it will even reside. I mean we’re having great sex and it makes me come off great because I can keep some sort of erection for as long as I want, even tho they arent always as strong as they should be. But Im long due for something. An orgasm or something…..

Now she’s also dissappointed that she cant make me cum while giving me head and is very determined to do so. I just tell her I would rather cum while having sex. She gives GREAT head and has even wanted me to cum in her mouth (Shed rather swallow then receive a facial), just because she sees it as a goal to make me cum while giving me head.

I can only do this for so much longer. I’m trying to increase my water intake and have even bought some ginkgo biloba, in hopes of increasing my erection strength and hopefully maybe a stronger rockhard erection will result in allowing me that release during sex Ive long dreamed for. I’m leery of takin much more than that because I want to stay more on the natural root. I’ve been readin up some experiences with L-arginine, and am thinkin of maybe taking that.

PLEASE someone help me out. All I want is to naturally get off on sex with the one woman I want to be with. I’m 20 years old and I should be at my sexual peak now. Help please…..

GMF,
Here’s my suggestions.. Don’t masturbate more than twice per week. Don’t expose yourself to porn until you get over this.

Reaching a climax through oral is very difficult for many men. So you might try masturbating with her there until you’re near and then let her finish you off. You have to love her attitude towards this :D .

A supplement that is supposed to be effective for “delayed ejaculation” is L-Histadine. If you’re willing, you might try some of that for now. I found some for sale by searching google for “histadine”.

Or, talk with your doctor about yohimbine. A lot of the so-called sexual enhancement concoctions contain unrefined yohimbine. There is a prescription grade which is more effective and controllable as to dosage.

What you have is “anorgasmia” if you want to look it up on the Net. Many men who use Viagra complain about delayed ejaculation or no ejaculation at all. The addition of a small dose of yohimbine will often shorten the ejaculation cycle. The reason you should talk with your doctor first about using it is that it can increase blood pressure, and dangerously, if not taken in the correct amount; also can cause insomnia and anxiety so you’d want to be under a doc’s supervision while taking it, the better to avoid those side effects.

There is a condition called “ejaculatory incompetance” and this is almost always psychological in origin. Even though a guy has no trouble cumming at all when masturbating, his brain takes over during sex, deciding for whatever reason that there is something wrong with ejaculating inside his partner. This is more common in men who were raised in highly sexually-repressive religious atmospheres or have a basic and usually unrecognized psychological incompatability with their partner.

GMF, are you taking any anti-depressants?

Givemefreedom:

Sounds like a great girl. Would you feel free to tell her about the problem?

I think while masturbating at some moment you switch a button in your brain and decide to come and perhaps without really knowing also use a certain rhythm with your hand.

You have to try to switch the button when you wanna come while having sex and try to get that same rhythm you use while masturbating.

There’s a thread on this forum where someone suggested wearing a condom all day to mimic the effects of having a foreskin which will make your glans more sensitive.

Thanks guys for the responses, I’m new here so I wasnt sure how quickly Id get responses.

-MDC-
I’m going to try like you said and just lay off all porn and even masterbation as much as possible. It’s hard to lay off the masterbation, but at most I’m aiming at only once a week until I can lay off it all together. If I do masterbate I might just try to do it without the use of porn. Hopefully I can just lay off it until I have an orgasm with her. Hopefully… I’d rather lay off of to much of the supplements and such until I’m sure I can’t get it on my own. If not I may give yours a look…

-avocet8-
Yea personally I’ve actually read alot of guys experience on this site with yohimbe. It’s tweaked my interest but honestly anything that causes my body to react like that Id rather stay away from. Many of the guys here are alot older then me and more experienced with using things like this. I feel uncomfortable using something like that. I’ve heard mentions of it increasing the rate at which your heart beats amongst other things, that makes me nervous. I’m sure the good outways the bad though, but I feel to uncomfortable with this.

I’m going to check those conditions though. I was not aware of them. I think what’s happening with me may be highly psychological but not in that extreme. I didn’t come from a background like that. in fact my father was one of the types that didn’t freak when he found I was lookin at porn (CHecked the history folder once), he sees it as perfectly natural.

-ikpmgsn-
No I’m not currently nor have been under any anti-depressants. Thank God haha. But if this continues I may be on my way :)

I wouldn’t feel totaly comfortable. I’ve kept this illusion up that I’ve been having great orgasms, that I dont think I could come out and just tell her. She wouldn’t dump me or anything but she’d see it as she’s not pleasing me, and look at it moreso as her fault. She’s also a little younger then I am (18) so she’s not to that totally confident, mature stage in her life where she knows what she has to offer. She’s very attractive and we have really good sex but shed see it as her fault. Especially since Ive always made it seem as if shes making me have monster orgasms. It would crush her I think to know I haven’t been able to have the same satisfaction as me.

-Piet-
Actually I was thinking of trying that condom thing. Weird I read that same thread and I forget who it was but it sounded interesting.

Something else I forgot to mention is I never really used any lubes while masterbating. I use ALOT of friction and always wondered if by doing that I desensitized my penis. Like sometimes she’ll give me head and it will be mindblowing and I can feel it alot. Other times she’ll be doing it even better and it feels good but my penis doesnt feel as sensitive.

Im starting to think that maybe all these factors are factoring in. Im not sure. I just really want to be able to FULLY enjoy sex with a girl who has been great to me….

I do remember he made a flap in the condom which he could open for taking a leak. You should give it a try.

If you’re cut you should really use lubes I think.

Givemefreedom,
Definitely give lube a shot for masturbating, and stop using friction completely. Women don’t provide much friction with their vagina, or with their mouth.

I won’t say that you’ve done the wrong thing in faking your orgasms with her, but the sooner you are able to stop that, the better.