Tried to have sex for the first time... couldn't get hard. PLEASE HELP!!!

I am 20 years old and just had my first sexual encounter the other day. Unfortunittly, it was one to forget. Usually, I have no problem getting and maintining an erection, when I PE, watch Porn, or just feel like jerking off, etc.

But yesterday, for the first time ever a woman tried to give me a handjob. However, I just couldn’t get hard. Even when I could get an erection, it would be a really crappy one and wouldn’t last. It wasn’t her fault, I showed her exactly what I wanted, and how to do it, and she was fine. I think I just got a little stage fright. We tried a few hours later in the day… unforunittly, same problem. I am a very shy person by nature, if that matters. I really want this realationship to last, and I can tell sex will be an intricate part of our relationship (I hope?!?!?!)

The second time around, I realized that it was probobly more me than her. She was no pro, but I SHOULD have been able to get hard. I tried to relax, but really had trouble. I don’t know what to do.

Please, does anyone have any tips, ideas, or anthing? I am desperate.

Welcome to the board, Monty.

No offense, but next time you post, hit the “Spell Check” button, just in case….;)

Anyway, to address you dilemma…it’s not unusual for a guy to have “Performance anxiety” the first time he has sex. I wouldn’t be too concerned about it, other than to be relaxed a little more the next time. Just let it happen, without too many instructions and expectations, which can kill an otherwise romantic evening.

Just my two cents….

Ok, thanks for the advice, sorry about that. What would you all think about me trying Cialis, or something similar, just to get me started? Thanks!

I kind of get the feeling this was a rather new aquaintance? If so, that could be the problem.

If you have sex with someone you know and find attractive, the process comes more naturally. The making out prior to the big event usually gets all systems up and running.

Monty

At your age Cialis or Viagra is not a good idea, honest.

Performance anxiety has kilt many of hard on, be it the first time or the millionth time. Relax, let nature take its course. Real life sexual encounters are nothing like what you see in porn. Sex should not be rushed, it takes time to allow the body to do what comes naturally to it.

Once again, just relax and go with the moment, I promise that the south will rise again for you.

bro, honestly try not to sweat it. I know where you are coming from, been there plenty of times. I suggest a coupl things

1.Focus on having sex with her, not your dick, focus on how hot she is, not how scared you are.

2.I don’t know how you are involved with pe, but pumping has had great effects on my erection strength, check that out maybe.

3.Dont even think about using any drugs, trust me you’re fine.

4.Consider boxer breifs if you wear boxers. Too much stimulation throughout the day can desensitize your penis, and for me wearing boxer breifs has made me more receptive to stimulation down there.

Don’t sweat this at all, just focus on enjoying it with this girl, caressing her, holding her and kissing her. Play it cool! Good luck!

I agree. Some women seem to think that men are just perpetually horny (which is true) but sometimes we need a little loving to get worked up to a good firm erection, just like women need foreplay to get wet.

Focus on foreplay for a while and make sex the icing on the cake if you feel uncomfortable or worried, either way you’ll get to enjoy eachother more.

You need to relax. Here’s what you do:

1. Re-read all of the replies here. There is a lot of good advice here.

2. Go to local video rental store or Netflix.

3. Rent the season 2 DVD for the BBC series “Coupling”.

4. Watch episode 4, “The Melty Man Cometh.”

By the end of the episode, you’ll be laughing so hard you’ll forget about what happened. Better yet, watch it with your girl. Good luck!

Great show. :up:

monty

I agree with sunshine to an extent. I would first try and re try using mental exercises to take pressure off myself. remember this is play time not show time. However, even though this is likely due to performance anxiety I have seen a single dose of these drugs give success and success breeds confidence and furthur sucess. So do continue natural stimulation but don’t completly rule out a little help provided that you make a decision in advance not to become dependant.

Hi, I am having the same problem.

I have been married for 13 years, and have never had any problems with erections before.
I started pumping about a week ago, but have no problems while I am alone.
As soon as I get into bed … nothing.

I have been pumping at night, and erections are fine the next morning.
It’s just that after an hour or so afterwards my penis seems dead.
I have a cheap pump with no gauge, so I can’t really tell if I am overdoing it.

Is this common after a session, or am I pumping to hard or too long?

Thanks.

Monty, try 1 or all of these :

1) Relax.

2) Stop watching porn. It helped me.

3) Don’t blow your load for a week. Then try not to get hard.

4) Don’t force it.

No ones invincible, everyone thinks WTF when it happens to them. If you are going to try out Cialis or Viagra, let me know how that goes for you.

Hey, if you have no erection problems outside of person to person, then there is nothing physically wrong with you. ie it’s all in your head. You’ll be fine in the end. Good luck :)

Agree with everyone. My 1st sexual experience was also like that. I was 17 and the girl was my age but very experienced. I played some hot shot with her so she must have expected something special. well, we got to it and I was like, dead. Not only could I get an erection, but my flacid size was i guess the smallest i ever had. Top that with usually small dick that i have, it didn’t look good for me. My biggest problem was school and I was afarid she’s gonna tell everyone about it. But, she gave me 1 more chance and this time it wasn’t great, my erection was about 70-80% but I managed to do something with it. She was kind enough not to tell anyone about it, well she only told me that i suck at sex ( i didn’t tell her i was a virgin, not to this day). Guess she had a thing for me, she moved on but offered herself to me few more times (even when she was in a “happy” relaionship) but i wasn’t intersted.

The point is, although she was attractive, i didn’t like her I guess.

I played macho and I froze, it was my luck she was so fair not to tell anyone about it.

Don’t use viagra or stuff like that if you can get normal erections when jerking of. Your problem is in the head. Just relax a lot, explain few things to

that girl and do a long “warm up”. Lots of kissing , peting, maybe even oral until you “feel” her. don’t do it in a place where someone can walk in on you, or when you don’t have much time. plan entire afternoon, or evening, go out with her before that, have a good laugh, just enjoy her company and when you get to your/her/hotel/motel/wherever place just rememebr to take your time. Kiss and play with her for hours if needed before you get on it.

I don’t know whether she knows you’re a virgin or not, but tell her if ya want. It’s no shame to be a virgin at 20. Sure, If you watch retarded shows like MTV, where having sex at 9 is such a cool thing, that’s your problem. Also don’t have sex just to have sex, have sex when you feel a need for it. If the girl likes you, she’ll understand and she’ll wait. I blew my 1st experience and I can’t remember it for good. My met my 1st “real” gf when I was 18, and I was so sorry I messed it up before.

This is great advice.

SS4