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I need some serious advice

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Originally Posted by BigSchlongCH
I have been occasionally visiting some Swinger Clubs during “a phase” a couple of years ago.
My wife had graciously accompanied me, but we never engaged in heavy-duty swinging, obviously for hygienic reasons.
Nevertheless, we enjoyed the sexualized atmosphere and seeing and being seen.

Most men who visit these clubs are probably already a bit on the larger side because of the obvious confidence issues that might prevent the smaller ones from doing so. Yes, you will usually see are maybe 5-10% of the guys who have really huge dicks there, but most men you see are between 13 and 17cm erect, and you see all kinds of forms, lengths and widths.

And yes I say erect because Swinger clubs are probably the only place for a heterosexual male to see a lot of real erect dicks outside of porn. And forget the image conveyed by porn, as they are only filming with the top 10% biggest dicks ON THE PLANET these days, plus they use camera tricks. Just look at porn from the 70s and 80s and you will see a huge difference - there used to be a lot of “standard” dicks back then.

From my real world evidence, I can assure you, most women, even those that are quite “oversexualized” as they are willing to visit Swinger events, are not even giving so much thought about dick size. I am about 6.5” erect which is according to most surveys a bit above average.
In the clubs, I have gotten invitations from women who apparently liked my although they were accompanied by men with bigger dicks, and although there might have been several larger dicks “available”.

If you log in to German language Europe’s leading Swinger Portal “joyclub.de”, which has about 3 million registered users, there are dozens of groups for people with various sexual preferences. One of them is called “Big Dicks and Chicks”. It is open to women with a preference for that and to men with large dicks (at least > 18cm). The group has about 9000 members, both male and female, and put that into context of maybe 300’000 daily logins (active users) which tells you something about the priority the big majority of women have about “big dicks” (so it would be about 2-3% of active users).

From various forum discussions on Joyclub as well as my own anecdotal evidence from Swinger and Fetish parties, I would say: For maybe 5-10% of women, a big dick is something they might be really obsessed with,
On the other hand - maybe 10-20%, they actually prefer normal to smaller dicks because they are themselves “built small or short”, and they feel pain from big dicks.
The big majority of women prefer a totally normal dick, and to most, its actually not that important. They are much more interested in the overall package of the man, his looks, his grooming, his manners, his humour -

And most importantly, his confidence.

Interesting reading. This put my mind slightly to ease somehow haha. Thank you for taking your time and your insightful answer!

Is your ED strictly anxiety related or do you have a medical condition that contributes to it?

But I agree with the general consensus in this thread. You first need to overcome your confidence issues and experience “good sex” at your current size before starting PE.

That way you’ll know for certain that having a bigger penis is not necessarily correlated with better sex and sexual attraction.


Starting stats: NBPEL 6.85" BEG 5.25" MSEG 5.00" || Current stats: NBPEL 8.00" BEG 6.25" MSEG 6.00"

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Who you are, is more important to woman that the size of your equipment, you are boasting decent size. This journey is long so learn about yourself and credit to you that you are willing to get help where required to isolate your blindspots and help you along this journey. The winning key is within you not merely in between your legs. We are Thunders and we wish you well in this journey.


05/12/2005 : BPEL: 6.1"x EG:5.5" Current as of : 24/12/2011 : BPEL 7.87" x EG: 6.3" Long term Goal 8.5"x 6.4"

" There is only one option success; for failure is the refusal to persist"

Originally Posted by Draculas_son
Is your ED strictly anxiety related or do you have a medical condition that contributes to it?

It’s strictly anxiety related. I never have ED when I’m by myself and in the mood so to speak, just different EQs.

Originally Posted by Phenyo
Who you are, is more important to woman that the size of your equipment, you are boasting decent size. This journey is long so learn about yourself and credit to you that you are willing to get help where required to isolate your blindspots and help you along this journey. The winning key is within you not merely in between your legs. We are Thunders and we wish you well in this journey.

Thank you for your kind words, appreciate it!

Originally Posted by thestrong
Yea my thoughts as well. But I’ve actually already opened up to one girl about my performance anxiety. She took it very well but we did’nt have sex anyways. Thats because my concerns about my overall looks and especially my penis size is deeply rooted within me and my self-esteem since childhood. I’m doing my best to get to terms with this.. I hope it works. Thanks for your input!

There’s lots of women. Find more keep working on it. Tell them about the anxiety issue, but also tell them what you’d like to do to them after you get past that, what you’d like them to do to you in the interim. Be explicit, tell them exactly, what ever it is that turns you on, because you don’t want them to mistakenly think that the issue is them.

You just need to get past this before you turn into a fucking machine. It’s not a big hurdle.

Also make sure you’re prepared. Do your homework. As a metaphor for instance if your thing is to empty your cock in a woman ass, you better have plenty of condoms, you better have good lube and you have to have it in a form that you can bring with you, individual packets or a small bottle. You need to educate yourself in terms of what to do, study up, you’ll need to create the mood, you’ll need to get her aroused, you’ll need to lube her up and you can’t just ram it in there, you’ll need to just apply light pressure, while continuing to stimulate her, you’ll need to be patient as she’ll relax and it will slowly slide in and it happens in 2 stages. And then once you’re in you have to be gentle to start and slowly you can ramp it up. This isn’t porn this is real life. And you have to continue to stimulate her while you’re fucking her ass to get her there. There’s a a lot to it.

And even if you’ve studied up, no one is perfect right off, knowing what to do still requires that you learn how to execute. And that’s okay no one expect perfection right off, it’s fun getting there.

But if you don’t know what to do and are not prepared, that’ll be anxiety producing to anyone.

I think it’s a hard environment for men. All this gender neutral, toxic masculinity horseshit, we’re not even allowed to have desires.

I know it’s hard to believe, but you can get there. To a place where you have agency over your sexuality and can pursue your desires, fantasies and realize them. And if you’re doing it responsibly, it’s really a gift to yourself and to those that you share your intimacy with.

Well, if you don’t like the way it makes you feel, then stop.

But, the cat is already out of the bag. You may find that you can’t ignore your perceived inadequacy even if you stop doing the exercises. In that case, I’d say you might as well keep going with PE knowing and fully expecting that it’s a very slow process which you go though in order to reach a desired goal.

Originally Posted by Phil210
Well, if you don’t like the way it makes you feel, then stop.
But, the cat is already out of the bag. You may find that you can’t ignore your perceived inadequacy even if you stop doing the exercises. In that case, I’d say you might as well keep going with PE knowing and fully expecting that it’s a very slow process which you go though in order to reach a desired goal.

One thing is for sure, I will continue PE eventually. If it’s this month or next or even longer, I don’t know. What I am hoping is that I can overcome my problems by seeing a therapist (which I think a lot of guys at this forum could benefit from) and then complement with PE afterwards. As PE stresses me out too much at the moment I don’t feel it’s worth it for now. And the thing is, I feel my perceived inadequacy has gotten worse since I started PE. I don’t know why this is, but I have gotten somehow obsessed with the size of my penis. I feel that PE should be somewhat enjoyed while doing it, which I don’t feel at the moment.

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