Kegels - how hard to squeeze

I wanted to start on a kegel routine because being middle aged (late 30s), I feel that my orgasmic contractions are not what it used to be and also wanted to improve my bladder control. Improving EQ would also help.

To that end, I have read countless threads on kegels and there is so much info that are often conflicting.

I have read that kegel should be done hard as possible as long as possible. When I do a hard kegel, I find it impossible to just contract my (PC, BC, IC etc) muscle. I find that I am also tightening my lower ab muscles and not breathing freely. Maybe my PC muscle is extremely weak. If I try to only contract my PC muscle, I feel that the squeeze is very weak. So weak that compared to my “hard” kegel, it feels like it’s not even 25 percent in force. If I kegel this way, I barely even feel like I am contracting my PC muscle and I do not feel like I got a good workout after the session.

So which was is the correct way to do a Kegel? I have been doing the “hard” kegels for a few weeks but I am finding that I am coming a lot faster. I actually feel like my PC muscles have weakened instead of getting stronger. I know that kegeling can be overdone so I do 3 x 20 5 sec squeezes every other day.