I’ve been a lurker on and off in about 3 PE sites for 2+ years and decided only now to join as I start my PE.
I was married for 18 years then divorced in 2010, my penis size was never an issue. I felt like a stud with the few women I’d slept with before my first wife, I had always been told I was the “biggest”.
I met a beautiful 33 year old woman, who had been single most of her life, went to college, and had lots (LOTS) of partners. While we were dating, I began to catch on that her past was pretty sorted and wild, this otherwise PERFECT woman told me everything at my insistence, I grilled her for all the dirty details. In my mind I wanted to know “everything” so I could make an informed decision about whether to continue dating or not. From what I gathered their were about 30 partners in her 15 year sexual history, I of course doubled that number and told her my estimate .. And then quadrupled it in my mind! (I averaged out 5 different partners a year x’s 15 = 75!) even though she told me she had a 1 year relationship then a 6 year then a 3 year boyfriend, in the same breath she told me that she cheated on the first two SEVERAL times (hence the admitted 30), but she was a changed person and never cheated on the last 3 year relationship even though he treated her like crap.
Anyway, all that was/is difficult to swallow but the single thing that sticks in my head and puts a lump in my throat is the guy she told me about that was “THE BIGGEST THING SHE EVER SAW” it instantly hurt, I questioned continuing the relationship instantly. I told my self it was the past, I told myself that she was exaggerating and that she couldn’t mean he was a Mandingo, over the next 6 months I got over it .. Or so I thought. After 1 fantastic year of dating I decided to take the plunge and have a kid with her, my 3rd her 1st.
We have a BEAUTIFUL baby boy born on 12/12/12.
10 months later, we had a major fight and I brought up somethings in her past and she gave me more info that I wished I never heard, it tore open that fresh insecurity. I hate to admit I am shattered as a man, I feel completely unmade. Its been 3 weeks and we have not had sex, I have no interest (by the way did I mention we are 6 months pregnant again?)
I LOVE my fiancee. I REALLY LOVE HER. I told her exactly how I feel .. Now all she does is watch my make hangers and listen to me on how I’m going to improve myself .. She thinks I’m crazy but I’m taking my insecurity and doing something with it. I can’t change her past, I can’t blame the guy for being a monster, I can’t unknow what I know, I can’t stop myself from being hurt .. All I can do is GROW as a man emotionally and physically.
There’s nothing like a little insecurity to motivate a man.
I’ve come to the right place!
Insecurewith9
Also I should mention I measured 9” BPEL at 180 lbs a few years back, I’m 260 lbs now with 8 1/4” BPEL .. I bought some custom made insoles and have walked/jogged 3+ miles everyday since our fight, a major part of my “remaking” myself is weight loss for better overall health and my 3/4” back!!
Thanks!