My change of heart
I don’t know how to begin a post to be quite honest. I’ve never written a post nor have I ever joined a forum. So I guess I’m kinda losing my postginity here. My name is City I’m a biology/ medical research student living in the south. I came to this website because I had a change of heart. I recently have gone through a period of time this last year which has for the most part pushed me to do this. I guess its a fair warning this post will be long so if those of you who aren’t interested in hearing it you can just skip this post and move on or you can just recommend a good starting routine for stretching and jelqing.
Now I’ll say why I’m here and I’ll try my best to summarize so as not to drag this out. My reasons for trying PE started back when I was 11 I was just a kid but I was already developing a taste for porn and puberty was in full swing. I realized early on that I had developed envy of porn stars for their sizes and the fact that they get to have sex with so many attractive women. It was only the beginning but it would lead to problems further down the road. Fast forward a few years later I’ve gotten through muddle school and I’m in my sophomore year of high school and things are starting to seriously get shitty. I went through a 6 year spell of acne and anorexia that left my naturally tan skin and body frail weak and horribly unattractive to girls. It didn’t help that my only friends were all a bunch of assholes who pushed me into trying to date girls who would never give me a chance. My life wasn’t going so well socially or at home where I felt detached from my family I contemplated suicide alot back then. When I came out to my mom about my desire to rid myself of my acne and try to start gaining weight. I had to go get a psychological evaluation be see if I was healthy enough for treatment by using acne drugs. And I know it may seem like a really bitch thing to be depressed over but for most of my childhood I was mocked and bullied over it so I figured if I could change it then I’m going to. After I was approved for the drugs I started on a regiment of weight lifting to gain weight I weighed about 105 pounds at 5’8 so I was a scrawny basterd. At the same time my mom found herself a boyfriend who my entire family fell in love with he was perfect for her in every way. So after two years of taking the drugs lifting weights and getting turned down by every girl I approached I was at a point in my life where I felt like things were getting better. All the while I kept the thoughts of depression and suicide at bay. But everyday was a constant battle for the most part it was all I could think about. I even went as far as buying a box of .38 for my step dads revolver in case I ever got the urge to just end it.
Then my senior year arrived with a shitstorm to follow I ended up using all my money to help my mom with getting her car fixed and to pay rent and to feed us when my step dad decided he didn’t wanna be a dad anymore (he came back a month later jobless and in debt). I was starting to experience a sense of dread in every day I went to school because of prom. At my school prom was basically the biggest thing of the year never mind football soccer or basketball or anything else when it came to dances everyone turned out. I had recently met some really good friends who helped me out by hooking me up with a girl who’s now my fiancee. After prom was over and school was out we both stuck together along with a few friends I’m trying to hold on to. At this point I’ve fixed my acne, started taking care of myself, and I was 5’11 weighing180 pounds my anorexia was gone now and so was my depression. Until it came time to lose my virginity. In the beginning I mentioned how my 11 year old self basically fucked me over well here’s how he/ I did it. By watching porn and wacking off almost everyday for 7 years I had begun to experience porn ED at the age of 18. So its plausible that having ED can really ruin you’re first sexual experience. Fortunately god decided to give mercy by giving me a raging hard on for my girlfriend and we went at it for.. Five hours.
My porn ED gave me super powers for a time I could last forever without breaking a sweat. Because I was so used to porn I could go forever without cunning but when it came time to masturbate id go limp. I decided I should look into how to fix this and I came across jelqing. It seemed legit so I gave it a try and voila my erections came back and my staying power was in tact. But I wanted size on top of this. I was only 5.5x5 when I started so I was no where near large not even average. I jelqed for a few months and got up to 6.5x5.5. Life was good I had a gorgeous girl, my family was doing better I found a badass job and my worries had ceased along with my depression.
Then in the span of a week that ended. My girlfriend came out to me confessing that she wasn’t a virgin when we met and that she’d lied to me because she didn’t wanna lose me, I got in a car accident a week after I got off my moms insurance I lost my job because the fucker who was driving was my boss and when I came after him to pay my medical bills he fired me and my step dad was found out to have been cheating on my mom for almost 2 years and all the while my health was slipping from my injuries in the crash and to make matters worse my porn ED was back and now I couldn’t even maintain an erection in sex now
That was all a month ago. Now I’ve decided that I’m going to make a change my family has moved I have two jobs now my girlfriend is now my fiancee and my body is healing I need to get back to normal and that includes jelqing so here I now I had almost given up but I had a change of heart I’m ready to begin again
So with that said I’m really looking forward to this and if anyone has any advice it’d be welcome