My sad story, my PE gains, regains and, I hope, maybe a happy ending in the future

The point of this is in this situation, you cannot win her back. You move on with your life and recover yourself. Trying to win her approval never works and backfires, building her ego in her affair. Only by letting go can you get her back, and its her choice. You cannot convince a cheater, but they may finally accept the error of their ways… You let her go and live your life.

Starbuck,
Congrats on your gains.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Something to remember here: Nothing you have done and nothing about you (your body, your penis, your work life, your financial situation) justifies your wife having an affair. Nothing. Read that again. You did not play a part in that decision she made to go outside of your marriage.

I know the feeling of trying to understand what went wrong and the easy trap of taking on some of the blame. That you aren’t as attractive as your once were, that you haven’t been giving her the loving attention she deserved, or whatever. Those things may be true, but they do not make you part of the problem. No matter what, she should have come to you to work things out. Instead, she went elsewhere.

When my first wife had an affair, much like you, I blamed myself. In retrospect, I took on that guilt because I so desperately wanted to believe that we could still work out a happy marriage. But I was not to blame for her selfish choice. It just took me a couple of years of pain, the slow dissolution of our marriage and some time to heal to allow me to look back to see it.

I’m not saying there is no hope to you guys working it out. Sometimes it works after a blow to the marriage like this. But you must let go of any feeling that you played a role here. Your marriage will never heal until you start from the place that nothing either one of you ever do will justify that kind of deceit. It is necessary that you know this so that you can form a loving bond with a foundation of mutual respect and claim to what each of you deserves. Without that, it is not a true marriage, which is based on equal and loving empowerment of both parties.

Good luck to you, brother. Whatever happens, you’re gong to be ok.

I think this is only a sad story if you stay with your wife, people are saying it’s worth trying to resolve, but this isn’t because they have had problems with things like ‘he doesn’t help around the house’, ‘he never gives me any attention’ or those kind of things. The simple matter of fact is this woman is shallow, she told him she was going to cheat because he can’t satisfy her, but he should still be there to take care of her, to me that is completely humiliating and very cold of her, she made him into one of those guys you see in porn sitting in the corner while a dude with a big dick fucks his wife, I would have to much pride as a man to ever spend another second with that woman, besides that she’s already shown she is willing to cheat, I can almost guarantee she will. Don’t do PE for her, do it for yourself, and get a woman that you deserve.

The PUA stuff works no matter the age the woman you are communicating with.

We have all left relationships and in each case we were better to just leave and allow the woman her desires, whether we wanted her back or not.

My first wife left and I pursued her and got want I went for, only to regret it later.

I left my second wife because she was unable to do anything but scream and yell at the kids.

I married a third time and know much more about dealing with women’s issues. Mostly it’s about time and space. Give her as much of those things as you can, and do other things. She has to do her own work in this life, otherwise you are always putting out forest fires.

To me, if a woman wants to find other dick, she has to be left to that, but I won’t be there to see it. Some guys are ok sharing, but to me a marriage is about her and I.

Marriage is tough someone you once loved or still love is hard to walk away from. But, usually in most cases in your mind and heart you do know when it’s time to walk away. Good luck with your pe and marriage I feel for you brother.

Ya know, I wrote a long post along these line (the menopause stuff) and then deleted it and just left what I did.

I think a good read would be; Frank Kermit, Everything out her mouth is a lie.

It was tossed around the PUA community for a bit, hence the title, but it is actually a good read about the dynamics of long term relationships over the long hall. Worth a read. I think he’s got a website with the same name or just google his.

Frank B Kermit wrote this list. Technically if you are satisfying everything on this list no woman will want to let you go:

Ten Emotional Needs of Women

1. Protection of her most valuable asset: Her Reputation

2. She needs to experience a Range of Emotions

3. Cater to the Little Girl in Her

4. He must show Dominance, making all major decisions, including taking 100% responsibility for the sex in the relationship

5. Safe from fear of Abandonment

6. Trust him to be honest, even if it makes her mad

7. Her physical protection and safety

8. Can he handle her sexuality (whatever it may be) - don’t let a fantasy go unfulfilled or she will satisfy it given the opportunity behind your back

9. Does he have sought after High Quality Sperm

10. Prove he is not a closet homosexual

I have to say that this list is pretty accurate, and that many guys will fall down on any one of these points and wonder what just happened.

I’m my work I am constantly reminded that it’s not so much what just happened, but what you do about it that matters.

And finally, it’s not what she’s thinking or saying that is important, but what she responds to.

I think this guy might be a troll.

Awesome gains!

If it was my wife I would definitely hate her and make her suffer but love is a strange thing, isn’t it?

Take care!

Ten Emotional Needs of Women (According To The 1950’s )
1. Protection of her most valuable asset: Her Reputation
-You mean show her respect?

2. She needs to experience a Range of Emotions
-Everybody experiences emotion not just wives.

3. Cater to the Little Girl in Her
-You mean the spoiled brat or the the shy one that cries?

4. He must show Dominance, making all major decisions, including taking 100% responsibility for the sex in the relationship
-Great advice, if you’re going to live on an Amish farm!

5. Safe from fear of Abandonment
-If that fear is present then it’s from childhood and requires more than a hug.

6. Trust him to be honest, even if it makes her mad
-Yes go tell her exactly what you think of her cooking and her weight gain. NO! Surpass her shit tests and tell her what she needs to hear a times, even if it’s a romantic white lie.

7. Her physical protection and safety
-Yes, don’t hit her and keep her safe.

8. Can he handle her sexuality (whatever it may be) - don’t let a fantasy go unfulfilled or she will satisfy it given the opportunity behind your back
-Are you kidding? Yeah sure, go share her with another guy if that’s ok by you. Good luck with that one. Nope, choose a happy median and seek something you both can do without the fear of terring apart your marriage, like bondage or roleplay.

9. Does he have sought after High Quality Sperm
-Does it matter anymore? Shit! Go adopt a child in need of a loving home instead of whinning about it or blaming each other’s reproductive systems.

10. Prove he is not a closet homosexual
-OK?! Can you prove anyone is 100% straight? Everyone has homosexual tendencies but if a man enters marriage and later decides to become gay, then that means he has an attraction for both sexes and sides more with one aspect than the other. That’s more of a self assured security and comfort issue than anything else.

This list is highly innacurate and I’m sure I could extend my own 16 item list further and it would still be more accurate than this throwback piece of crap. Where the hell is the “give eachother space” and the “respect her boundaries by not pushing issues until she cools down”, seriously. ANGRY FACE!

Throwback crap? Angry face? Women aren’t equal partners. The feminist propaganda suggests that women should be equal, but what they mean is dominant. Dominant women are chaotic and will tantrum at the slightest provocation, and destroy the family unit. The PUA community understands that, as in #3, the little girl is where the love and nurture exists in the pre-political state. #5 for instance re-enforces the male as provider/protector. #9 is critical to the safe reproduction of the family. Adoption doesn’t do this, and merely promotes the feminist, nanny state.

There are many criticisms of this position, but mostly because of the conscious/unconscious feminist political atmosphere of the last few generations.

Who’s to say who’s right or wrong, but if men want loyal wives and a peaceful home, then there need to be some guidelines for a man to understand. Otherwise, if she’s treated as equal she will begin to behave like the women we see in the media these days.

And I see this in marriage counselling sessions, where the woman (generally) has decided to leave and has a list of failures to read to him in front of me before she announces she has “done enough” and wants the house, kids etc. Because she can go it alone so she can do it correctly.

Oh my gawd!! .. I think that I just felt the earth shift a little bit underneath my house .. Did I read that last post correctly .. You are a marriage counselor ?! .. If that is possible, then you are truely my new inspiration .. I am going to start putting all of my time into the Brain Surgery correspondence course that I saw in the back of the last issue of “Scientific Anarchist”. Clearly anything is possible

Holy crap! that’s the worst advice a marriage counselor could ever tell anyone to back himself up. The very least you could do is thow the responsibility on the origional author, but to reinterate that women should be treated less than men or else their marriage will fall apart? Have you ever even talked to a divorcing couple? That’s pretty much why the woman will leave after deciding that she’s had enough besides infadelity, it’s mostly that she didn’t feel appreciated or understood. Even then she will give him a few last attempts to treat her fairly before she gets the house, the car, and his paycheck along with the kids. Are muslim american or the DEVIL? WTF?!

The marriages that survive the “marriage counselling” filter are the ones that drop the “equality” game and look at roles and support, and are relatively rare.

The modern politicized woman wants to shirk roles and supports and go directly to entitlement.

We cannot use a political map to form relationships of any sort. The jingoistic nature of the term equal sets up a competitive atmosphere from the start, with it’s inevitable outcome and division of the family asset.

This post began with the concern a man has for his wandering wife, and her belief that she has the permission (from somewhere) that she is entitled to another, bigger dick, within the context of a marriage and all that it provides.

No modern woman will tolerate the suggestion that she should honour or respect her man, and many modern men have learned not to expect such respect, therefore the idea that a woman can wander off when she pleases if the man she married doesn’t please her in the slightest way emerges, and it’s surprising how many men will support her right to that choice!

I call it the princess and the pea syndrome. (Google it)

I don’t want to get into an argument about who’s point of view is valid here, or unsettle sensitive feminist positions, so I won’t respond further, and sincerely apologize if some were offended (on a dick stretching site !).

a-unit, I think you’re dead on. I brought up the Frank Kermit book not because he had some golden formula or list, but because in the book he expounds on the dynamics that lead up to certain situations occurring in long term relationships and marriages. A man who is aware of how these processes occur will do much in the way of bettering himself. Unless of course he’s already bought into the farce of the modern politicized woman and the undermining of the male psyche in currenty western society.

TGD, I don’t think you really understand fully what a-unit is saying. While at the same time your statements reinforce what he’s saying.

No, it’s how princess holds her breath and stomps her feet when she doesn’t get her way now that she’s all grown up. Last attempts? Yes holding one’s breath can be difficult as time passes, unfortunately I don’t play the role of hostage well.

16 item list? I could write 16 libraries and start a new religion.