Paxil: Working Around It

Not a new subject, but the spirit of this place is to have a spectrum of advice and opinions, so here’s my long and wandering, poorly written two cents…

For reasons other than PE, I’m on a prescription for paxil at 60mg (max dose.) For anybody else on here that thinks being on 20 or 40 is a bitch, this is murder. Or at least I thought so.

The thing with this kind of medication is that you’re usually advised about the side effects, then you tend to remember them either before or during sex. This can plant seeds of doubt and fuck with your psychological state. In other words, if you believe in or think too much about how the pills make it impossible to cum, it winds up coming true. It’s hard enough without thinking about the pills at all, but if you dwell on them you’ll hang yourself.

It took me a very long time (9+ months) to get adjusted to this stuff, but I have managed to come up with some things that have worked for me. Since I’m at the absolute red line of intake, hopefully some of this stuff will help others on lower doses.

Psychology
The number one thing that gets in the way is what’s happening between your ears. “Will I cum? What if I can’t? I want to give her what she wants, but I can’t. I hate not being able to shoot!” If stuff like this is bringing you to your boiling point, keep these things in mind:

1) Staying Power: women on average tend to be disappointed in how long their lovers can last, not whether or not they can cum. Maximum staying power without meds is usually somewhere around 15-20 minutes and usually turns out to be less. With meds you can last all night.

2) Holding Back: with meds, guys have to do a few things to hold themselves back from cumming. Sure it feels good to teeter on the edge and blow it all when you can’t hold it anymore, but the natural method has the disadvantage of having to put out an effort to resist what you’re feeling. With meds you can enjoy everything without worrying about cumming too soon.

3) Getting Her Off: because of how long you can last on these meds and because you can stay in the moment without fighting yourself, needless to say you can please her plenty. I’ve heard it said and I agree that giving your girl an orgasm is more important than how big you are or how much you can shoot. So in terms of ability, you’re gaining alot more than you’re losing.

It’s important to understand that your body is functioning differently than you’re used to and that you must adapt and use it differently if you want to successfully compensate for the changes.

First of all, do not hold back. Holding back can be a hard habit to break, but when you do and you get used to it, it becomes second nature. Usually, this is the bulk of the problem. Guys that go on the meds try to react to their sensations the way they always used to, but this combined with the effect of the pills makes it “impossible.”

If this stuff doesn’t do much good to help you cum more easily, there are alot of physical things you can do to greatly improve this.

Physical
Now that you’re on these meds, you have to approach yourself as though you’re Achilles: your inability is a very small flaw that the greater strength of your body must overcome. In this perspective, you should do the following things:

1) Control your Breathing
Learn to breath freely without restricting your lungs and learn how to listen to your body and breath at the rhythm it requires during different intensities of physical activity. Without this you’ll have a hard time.

2) Eat What you Need
This is optional, but if you eat a wide and varied diet of 5 smaller meals a day along with establishing a good assortment of supplements you will see better results in the long run. I advise the book “Eat, Drink, and Be Healthy” for research on diet.

3) Boost your Cardiovascular Threshold
Strengthen your heart and lung capacity so that your endurance and metabolism are in higher gear. You need your heart and lungs to be able to hold up and perform well under high demand conditions to avoid over exertion and/or going limp. I advise the book “The Exercise Bible” for research on this and the next item.

4) Increase Strength
It makes perfect sense that you’re going to need your muscles to be able to hold up and perform well under high demand conditions as well, especially since your staying power has been exponentially increased whether you like it or not. Develop your physique until you feel confident that your body can last as long as your staying power can.

It’s important to understand that the physical reasons for a difficulty in reaching orgasm with these meds lie mainly in a lack of heart and lung capacity, dehydration, and fatigue. If you master these weaknesses your chances will greatly improve.

Last but not least, there’s a rag tag collection of various things that you can do to lessen the effect of the pills.

Specifics
Remember that while you must adapt to your body, your body must also adapt to your new sexual threshold. Your body is used to ejaculating when it reaches a certain level of sensation, but your body is either no longer able to trigger at this level or is no longer able to reach this level as swiftly. This does not mean that orgasm is unreachable.

The rule of thumb is: take your time.

You have a long time window to work with, so try to enjoy it by making it last. If she likes it rough and fast then you might have a problem, but if she’s up to giving smooth and slow a try, she’ll probably change her preference.

If you feel like you’re going to cum and want to, don’t assume that going faster is the key to getting there. In my experience with these pills, I have found that the faster the rhythm the longer it takes or the less it feels good, so try gradually slowing down to a crawl to reach your point of no return.

Making your final approach can be excruciating because the meds are forcing your body to endure much more pleasure than it has ever been subjected to before ejaculating. The sensation is a tremendous plus, but not if your body locks up in agony because of its onslaught. Here are the things that can happen and what to do:

1) Involuntary Kegels
This is a bitch if you’re struck by it. You’re almost there, it feels like your body is a nuclear bomb about ready to go off, but you go limp because your BC slowly clamps down tighter and tighter and vices your erection into utter limpness. What’s worse is the strain makes your body think that you’ve cum.

Solutions:
a) Determine a thrusting motion that enables you to relax the muscles surrounding your penis without compromising technique. The best way to do this is usually to focus all of your reaction to the intensity into contractions in your legs, especially your thighs/quads during each thrust.
b) If you wind up going limp, your girl will most likely have to suck you back to size.

In general, being dominant is usually best to overcome this problem.

2) Loss of Sensation
This happens when you pull out too soon and try to pump off on her, but somehow the feeling that you were about to cum has disappeared or died down. This can get you into trouble when she asks “where is it?” or “can you cum?”.

Another rule of thumb: be sure you’re sure before you try to shoot.

Solutions:
a) Be very aware of your point of no return and try to push past it before you pull out. Because you can noticably lose sensation if you go without stimulation for as little as half a second on these meds, you must develop a technique of making the transition from being inside to being in hand virtually seamless in terms of stimulation.
b) Push your stomach down toward your pelvis, don’t suck it in. This can sometimes help maintain sensation level.

The final thing I want to add here before I go is a list of common side effects to these meds and a word about edging with them.

Side Effects
1) delayed orgasm
2) increased precum output
3) increased load output
4) increased sensation
5) decreased ejaculation

Number 5 means that the pills trim off the tail end of your BC contractions during orgasm the same way they trim your ability to reach orgasm. Somehow, the sensation subsides below the strangling point of the medication and it cuts it short.

These are subject to variation from person to person. I’d be interested to hear what others have experienced.

Edging
It should be noted that the delay of orgasm, in a sense, creates an inherent and effortless “edge” that sustains beyond your previous point of no return (before taking meds.) So, essentially what you’re doing is edging on top of an already established edge.

Anyone who has edged and then had an orgasm on top of that edge will know what I mean when I say it’s like an orgasm^2. Well, if you’ve ever done this, think of this variation as an orgasm^3. The payoff to edging on these meds is that you aren’t prone to slipping too far beyond your edging point and accidentally cumming. All the same, don’t go farther than you think you can go or you’ll be sorry.

The trick to edging with these meds is that you only have to reach the point where you feel like your first contraction is about to happen, then go without stimulation for a very brief period (the time it takes to say “one”), and resume. If you want to avoid going limp because of heightened intensity, do the same momentary hesitation earlier on to string yourself along for a longer time before the intensity gets high enough to cause problems.

I don’t recommend edging if you want to feel an edge. That will happen on its own just from taking these pills. I only recommend edging if you want to boost the exponent on your orgasm, but be warned: because of how much time and work is involved in reaching the point where you can edge, don't try if you can't handle messing up.

In any event, take your time and be sure you’re sure. She won’t mind how long you take, as long as your technique is clean so she won’t get sore. Think of it as a superpower, not a problem.

Ok, there’s my contribution to the whole SSRI thing.
+Q__

I remember when I became anorgasmic while taking Paxil. I had to go to the local mental health clinic and sit around in group therapy talking about meds and side effects. For various reasons, it would usually be a different group each time. At first, it was really embarrassing to explain anorgasmia, how I could get it up and keep it, but couldn’t come.

It didn’t take long to find out that a lot of women in the group were very intrigued by the whole concept. After almost every group (once a week) at least one woman would give me her phone number and say, “I can’t pass up a chance to try something like that out.”

I had a lot more sex when I couldn’t come than when I could come.

Naturist:

Really…I would have expected less enthusiasm from women because of the inability, but after giving it some thought their interest makes sense. I imagine it’s the ability to last a long time that stands as the majority of their attraction. I’d be interested to hear how many of them wanted to see you again.

One thing I should add to this thread is the importance of hydration. I can’t possibly stress this enough. Because your body is essentially being strung along indefinitely, you will start to produce precum at your previous point of no return and then sustain production until you either have an orgasm or stop stimulating yourself. Precum production is different for all people, but in my case I already had a naturally high output without stringing my body along. This combined with the prolonged anticipation from the meds can make sex very “sticky” for some Paxil users, and can cause dehydration in everyone that uses this medication.

So, keep some liquid on hand in case you get too dry. If your body starts conserving liquids it makes things alot harder for you.

The time-stretched limbo created by the pills can sometimes be a problem. If your lover is inexperienced enough to tell the difference between precum and an actual load, they could accuse you of being a liar. I once had this experience and have no solution to contribute other than “choose your partner wisely.” If she can’t be convinced or she can’t tell the difference, there’s a hitch in the situation somewhere.

+Q__

For various and sundry reasons, a lot of the women did want to see me again. Some even introduced to their friends, but those friends generally were equally mentally ill. It wasn’t just the ever-lasting boner — they soon tired of the forever sex, but they did like a guy who could do it as long as they wanted. A lot of them were manic and hypersexual. I was undiagnosed manic myself at the time, and equally hypersexual. I think that those who got better are probably as embarassed about screwing me as I am about screwing them. (Not always… there’s one I’d marry immediately if I ever see her again.)

Also, remember that the scene was the mental health clinic. Most of the people there were very poor. So was I, but I still had considerably more than most — stuff like I had a spiffy sports car, while almost everybody else took the bus amd I had a place of my own instead of living at the Y or with the folks. So, in the “real” world, I’m so average people rarely even notice I’m around. In the world of the mental health clinic, I stood out. A lot of the women from the clinic wanted to move in with me, though I’m sure it was more to get out of their situation than it was the sex.

I’m not exactly proud of the whole thing, and I’m tremendously lucky to have escaped without an STD. I mentioned it only because it was an interesting time of my life. The whole thing still gets a little weird at times… after I recovered, I went to work in the mental health system. Many of those women are clients at the agency where I work, and even though I don’t work in the main office, I run into them from time to time when I make an appearance there. It’s very confusing to have explain that I’m not there for the agency’s services… I work there.

Anyhow, the thing I hated most about the Paxil was the dehydration feeling. The nurse told me it dries out the system, and I felt that way all the time. Even my eyes felt dry.

I’m sort of in a slight manic phase at the moment — a sure sign is that I talk (write) too much.