Porn and how long to detox

Hello,

I’m 22 and I’ve had limited sexual experiences due to what I think now is basically a porn addiction. Basically I was too scared to talk to girls or make a move let alone take them home because I knew invariably that I would struggle to get an erection. At first I thought it was just being shy and then I thought for a long time that there was something wrong with me but now I realise that all my sexual energy was wasted looking and masturbating 2 or 3 times a day to porn without any real life experience. In any event I connected the dots and realised since I had masturbating since 14 it was time to stop.. My mind was (and is) warped to porn world - where you look at the physical features of a girl and in your head masturbate to that rather than any physical sensation.

Well, I’ve been without porn for sometime now (probably a month) and have masturbated probably twice in that time - both when trying to edge without porn. I still have troubles maintaining an erection without porn when masturbating but that’s not the big issue. Well it sort of is but I’ll get back to that later (edging).

I have met a girl and we’ve been in the bedroom a couple of times. 1st night with her I had performance anxiety (did not get an erection at all) but it the morning I was able to get it up and she tried to give me head - which was ok - but I soon felt that I was losing my erection. I put it down probably firstly to being nervous and secondly just a different sensation other than my hand. She pulled me off but I was kegelling like a mofo (due to nerves) and ended up on having a retrograde ejaculation. I could tell she felt pretty bad about it.

Another week goes by (no porn or masturbation) and we’re going at it I got an erection easily enough and eventually because I am so damn horny stick it in missionary style pump for about 30 seconds and unload the biggest load of my life. It felt fantastic. Back to reality and I explain that I didn’t masturbate for a week and was really horny. We laugh it off. She wants to go again but it took me a while and eventually we went to sleep - I think I was nervous that I wouldn’t be able to maintain an erection with all my horniness shot into a condom. Then in the morning we go again and all is well until I slip on a condom and she gets on top. After about 2 thrusts I begin to lose my erection. What’s the deal there?

I saw her on Sunday and my thinking was “I NEED TO GET THIS GIRL OFF” it was fucking with my head. So I was fingering her for quite some time and eventually she basically got tired of it and said that we needed to have sex - I wasn’t complaining. She tried on top again and I lost my erection again! It was then that I told her about my porn addiction and that I have troubles maintaining an erection because of it and that it would take time. She didn’t care as much as I did. She left and I felt really fucking shit about how things went down.

I think the problem is:

1. I need to chill the fuck out and relax. I understand that part.
But 2. I really like this chick so don’t get me wrong. But I’m not fully turned on during sex and I have a feeling it is due to the porn still. I was only able to get an erection when I was really really horny after a week.

Can I detox off porn and rewire my brain while with a girl? Or should I have a break before it really starts to get going to avoid hurting her feelings?

Maybe you should try tell that chick…that you want try mutual masturbation in the same room, without porns.

Perhaps watching her masturbating is way better than porns, it’s like your own personal POV porn, LOL.

You made a mistake by telling her about your porn addiction though. NEVER EVER tell ladies about PEing, or that you love watching porns. Trust me on that, unless you got yourself a real freaky WIFE. ;) Not a girlfriend, a WIFE.

It’s all good, though! I wish you the best luck. :D

CrazyOne

It’s such a difficult question man, I can’t say I have a good answer for you.

What I can say is that you are definitely not alone, and if you check around other threads, you’ll keep seeing this same thing come up again and again. Your story pretty much describes what sex has been like the first few times with every new girl my entire adult life. For that very reason, I unfortunately usually avoid one-night stands, especially when alcohol is involved. If you’re anything like me, once you make it past the first few times with a new girl, things all end up working fine. But the trick is the first impression right?

Let me list for you the tricks I’ve learned (but still not perfected). FYI: you’re already on the right track with some of yours:

1) On days when I think I’ll be having sex with a new girl that night, I take a dose of cialis early in the day and take a second one an hour or 2 before the clothes come off (yeah, it sucks trying to time that).

2) No booze on sex days.

3) No porn for at least 1 week before first time with someone new (preferable as little porn as possible in your life).

4) No masturbation for at least 36 hours before sex. There are different opinions on how far to take this, but I am of the opinion that you should masturbate regularly to keep the blood flowing and such. I keep it to cumming about twice a week. The problem is that premature ejaculation becomes a problem if you haven’t masturbated much, but believe me - women are very giving and understanding in general, and if they were forced to choose between a quick cummer and someone who can’t get it up at all, they’d pick the quick cummer.

5) No PE for at least 36 hours before. In fact, I’ve learned that my dick works best when I’ve touched it as little as possible the day of sex. I don’t really know why. Intuitively, I would have thought that edging and/or jelqing the day of sex would help with EQ, but it just doesn’t work that way with me. This is a recent discovery.

6) If she’s not talking sexy/dirty at all, try it a little yourself as you’re working up an erection together. For some reason this helps me.

7) Try not paying attention to your dick during foreplay. Don’t do a bunch of kegels and just don’t think about it much. This is probably the most difficult item on this list of course, but possibly the most important.

8) Don’t be afraid to guide her to manually stimulate you. Place her hand on your dick when you feel you need some stimulation to get hard.

9) Condoms are killer for guys like you and me. Have that thing poised and ready the second you need it. Keep it somewhere near the bed so you can grab it without having to move. If you’re not already good at it, get the entire process of getting the condom on down to a few seconds.

I really hope that list helps you a little. Like I said, you are absolutely not alone in your problem, and I can pretty much promise you it will get easier once you have a steady partner.

Great post, scienceguy.

Second the great post by scriencguy and would add only this: try fantasizing about sex in your mind. Do this preferably with the woman you are with but at first use any woman you find ultra hot. Not a porn chick though. Obviously do not use a porn image you have seen. The second thing may be unique to just me so I will just throw it out there in the hopes it will help. I find for some reason my erection is stronger in foreplay when it is held in by somewhat tight pants like jeans during foreplay with suitable rubbing by my partner. There seems to be something in the resistance and anticipation of pulling it out erect that excites me so it may not apply to you.

I agree with everything scienceguy said in his post pretty much. I’ll add that it’s happened to me a bunch of times and getting over your nerves helps a ton. Also condoms make things difficult for me as well and woman on top position is a bad one to start with if you’re having trouble keeping hard, in this position your heart has to pump blood against gravity to cause an erection. Use gravity in your favor, I prefer me standing with her on the edge of the bed in missionary or doggie, once you get a little more close to the edge then switch to woman on top.

Good post by scienceguy there.:)

1. - Correct. You do need to stop worrying. Not everything is about sex, though if sex is a problem it acquires a higher priority in the worry stakes. As crazyone eludes to- there is more to sex than just penetration. Let her masturbate you (in a way you like to be jerked off). Also there’s plenty you can do to satisfy her without penetration.

2. Damn, looks like you just need to forget about this whole porn thing if it’s doing that to you. If you feel like you need porn is this actually you feeling horny? If porn is so engrained in your brain/ body, then perhaps you need to try and break this link. ie don’t watch the porn and go get some action.

I believe you can detox of porn whilst with a girl. In fact it might well be easier. Once successful and satisfying sex occurs, then you have all the sexual release you need to help you refrain from the negative porn cycle you have right now.

As for breaking it off, well only you know about that, but I want to hit you over the head and say, “Nooo!” Part of all relationships is getting through a problem. To do this, you need to commit to the relationship and resolve it together. If the problem comes predominantly from one party, then that’s the person who has to do the hard work whilst the other allows the support and helps facilitate the one with the problem. This I think describes your current relationship at the moment right? It won’t last forever this period before one of you calls time on the relationship… so don’t mess around and work smart at this.

Oh and one more thing, try this for your Uncle Zowee: Try and remember the best parts of your sexual activity with this girl. How did it feel/ smell/ sound/ look. Think about that really deeply and let it turn you on. Don’t stifle your erection! Remember this when you are with her next.

Good luck! :)

Hey thanks so much for the replies guys this forum is fantastic. I’m just going to go through the replies and tell you what I think!

@Crazyone
Mutual masturbation could be the ticket BECAUSE she’s difficult to make cum. I’ve made girls cum before by oral but she wasn’t having a bar of it. It might be useful to see how she does it haha. I’ll see if she’s down for it! Good idea!

The reason I told her was to explain the reason why I kept on losing my erection. I’m a pretty honest guy and I could tell she knew something was up. I felt really bad or guilty or depressed afterward though so I sort of wish I didn’t but it should be all good. Thanks for the advice!

@Scienceguy
This was a great post and you hit it on the head. I think I’m definitely like you in regards to one night stands and taking a while to get comfortable with girls. How did you get a hold of cialis? To my understanding it is prescription? Will I get reliant on cialis if I use it?

Condoms are a killer I’m definitely going to leave it on the bed. This post was really useful thanks so much

@Nowhereman
I find this girl to be really hot but I’ll take that advice on if I ever take home some dragons ;) . When I wear jeans it just seems to impair my erections - like it will stay as a semi and when it gets out it will become a full blown erection.

@Damien84
I dumbly never thought about my heart in this position! This is a good point. I might stick to missionary or doggie for a little while - I may just cum quicker that way but better that than not at all! Thanks.

@74zowee86
Just reading these posts puts me more at ease. I just want to see this girl now haha! I think by being honest with her about the porn it was sort of detrimental but it took a bit of the pressure off me a little bit because she can see where I’m coming from. I just hope it’s all good and not too awkward the next time I see her. Which will be Thursday!

Maddogginit don’t worry. Your case is not extraordinary and has happened to almost every man in some period of his life.

Because you are new to the game I’d advice you to try selfish and unemotional sex. That happens with a prostitute. Choose a call girl from the Internet who looks the way you like and call her. The good thing is that call girls are something like pornstars, yes the ones you had got used to all these years and I bet this will be proved very helpful.

Keep in mind that the prostitute won’t care if you cum or not or if you have an erection. Hell she will not even remember you the next day. That helps a lot in such cases because it frees and relaxes men. Call her for an hour and have sex with her in the way you fantasize it. Not love and sweet-gums. You will see that your problem is not with your dick but because you think a lot about it during sex ;)

First, I just want to emphasize that ED drugs will not be a silver bullet to fix this. Your problem is completely psychological, and these will only help with the physical part and give you more confidence. Trust me, cialis alone will not change things. The other points on my list are more important.

The research shows that men do not become dependent on cialis, especially if you only use it for a little bit. But in my personal experience, excessive use can lead to some dependency for a short period of time.

Getting it depends on where you are of course. I don’t know the rules in Australia, but in my opinion, the best way would be through a prescription. Is generic available there? Do you have insurance? Sorry, I just don’t know how the medical system works there. In the states, many insurance plans (mine included) do not cover ED meds. So I go here: http://www.4rx.com/ and buy it. They’re very good and reliable. I even accidentally gave them my real debit card number once, and had no problems (when buying stuff from random places online I usually try to use a Visa gift card, but 4rx doesn’t accept those anymore).

YES you can! I haven’t the mental will power like you to have ignored it for a month, but tomorrow will make 2 weeks for me ( pitiful I know lol ) but you definitely can get off the porn buzz and be more turned on by women in general. This has already happened for me because I really hated watching porn all the time ( was the same as you except I went maybe 4-5 times a day ) So don’t worry about porn once it is out of your head for a month and you have had sex with this girl you will be in the clear to steer away from it for a long while. But follow the directions of the men who have posted here it is all sound advice ( I even stole some ideas ) Good Thread!

About the condoms. Make sure you are protected. By that I mean if you don’t use one you better really trust her that she doesn’t have any STD’s (ask her if and when she was last tested) and that she is taking her birth control. I’m not saying you can’t trust her but some guys have done so and ended up with a child or a disease, things to keep in mind if you don’t want those things.

At the moment I can get an erection from manual stimulation pretty easily - I’m just wary that if she pulls me off hard that I would probably blow my load in about 2 minutes. The other night she was doing it and I lasted about 20 minutes - going nice and slow and around the midshaft. Like I said I lost my erection when I went to put on a condom and she got on top. It’s all good. I’m going to stick away from that position for a while.

@Tzentos

I probably won’t get a prostitute. I just don’t like the idea too much - but if things continue like they are I might have to haha. But I should be okay. What I did take from your advice is just to be a bit greedy and get my confidence up.

@Scienceguy

I bought some cialis off a website that looks similar to 4rx.com I hope all goes well haha. If not can I come back and blame you? Haha - nah it’s all good. I’m a big boy.

@Patientlygrowin

I’m off porn in the biggest way. I can’t look at it anymore - perhaps negatively in fact there’s a shitload of guilt and embarrassment that I get from watching it. Probably because of the situation I am in now.

@Damien84

I’m very careful about condoms. I’m in my last year of teaching and I know what terrors children can be!

So my plan going forward is to scrap my jelqing routine temporarily - I’m not really worried about my size so I’m going to focus on one issue at a time haha. Plus the LAST thing I need is another seed of doubt implanted into my mind. Like a PE injury etc.

I was going to do some edging but I’m going to scrap that, basically because I’m a spastic and 9/10 cum by going too far and I need all the sexual energy and horniness I can get! Again only temporarily until I feel confident with this girl!

I’m going to keep going with kegelling. Nothing too much. I read a routine about 10 mins for 5 sec each and 10 minutes for as long as possible but that’s it for now. My pc muscles are pretty strong which is good.

I also bought some supplements, Wyld for men.. They include:

• Panax ginseng root (Korean Ginseng) – Enhances endurance and increases energy
• Guarana- a natural source of caffeine. Each tablet contains 12.5mg caffeine.
• Zinc (as zinc amino acid chelate) – maintains a healthy sperm count
• Tribulus terrestris fruit (Burra gokhru) and Horny Goat Weed – traditionally used in the east as natural aphrodisiacs which also support male sexual function
• Ginkgo Biloba Leaf ( Ginkgo) – improves blood flow to the extremities
• Schizandra chinensis fruit (Chinese magnoliavine)- antioxidant activity.

And I of course bought some cialis but that doesn’t come for a week!

In the end I KNOW it’s psychological which is the worst haha. I tend to dwell on things like a mofo and it sort of gets worse when people point it out to me because I suppose I’m stubborn as well. I know I have to relax and just have fun - try to not worry about my dick. I’ll let you know how I go on Friday.

I didn’t have time to read every post, so I’m sorry if this has been suggested.

Have you tried limiting masturbation with porn to only edging with no ejaculation. I never masturbate because I feel that that time could be used doing active P.E., but when I edge I almost never blow my load.

When I get with women, especially if I’ve edged that day, I am always 110% ready to go.

I have been with quite a bit a women and thankfully don’t have a problem getting up, but I really feel this helps a lot. Give it a try.

About the condoms. Whenever I do use them, I try to use lube on my piece before putting it on and on her too.

She might look at you crazy when you pull out the k.y., like, so just just keep it around. But they never say no.

Remember to put it on u first, I swear it makes a world of a difference.

Good luck!

Being afraid that you won’t get your penis erected is nothing exclusive to you. Trust me all guys went through it.

Stop masturbating so often, you are not 13 any more. Trust me you will feel much better.