Huffduck
Don’t take this the wrong, as I only want to help by suggesting things.
It sounds like you may have an generalized anxiety or panic disorder. More likely, panic, and your response is normal if that is true. It may explain the response thinking of women versus being there with them.
It is not a big deal to cope with, so go check out this with a google search if you choose to look into it.
That said, try some Viagra or Cialis. Get relaxed, and do NOT think about it. Just do it. If it does not do right, do not dwell or obsess on it because it will do right one day. This is a mood or cognitive thing.
However, in the beginning, some newbies do not have the conditioning down there to withstand the pressure of jelq. That could be the problem.
If it makes you feel any better, I had the exact same problem in the beginning and I dreaded the 80% plus jelq. It got so sore. That will gradually go away with conditioning and experience. Mood is another problem here, which gets back to the panic thing.
You sound normal to me.