Very worried about erections and maintaining them

Hi, I’m new here and I’ll tell you briefly what’s going on..
I’m getting close to 30 and although I have had serious long term relationships where I have been sexually active, haven’t had intercourse before but have been masturbating on average once a day, from the age of 14.so that’s obviously ALOT of self stimulating and orgasms of the last 15 years.
Now I’m wondering about my erections.I’ve read that an erection needs to have its hardness maintained for a sufficient period of time. I’m not sure if I can do that.. For example I notice when I masturbate I can get my erection reasonably hard, although maybe not all that hard like 70%, but then as soon as I stop touching it, it will get softer.. IS THIS NORMAL? I read that you need CONSTANT arousal in order to maintain erections.TRUE?

During the only two occasions where I tried to have sexual intercourse my erection, although hard to begin with, went soft. It didn’t help me and my partner debating whether or not we were actually going to do it or not! However, I should mention that I CAN get hard if and when I kiss my gf or have a passionate embrace etc. OR when I recall something sexual from my past OR just see some porn WITHOUT having to touch myself.
For example the other week when I was kissing my gf out on the street, I noticed myself getting hard. But you see I’m worried because I’m not sure whether I can maintain it. So when I’m watching porn I will always have to touch myself in order to get hard and MAINTAIN it.. If I let go and stop touching then it will eventually go soft even if I carry on watching the arousing material.. I feel the hardness should be maintained even if I “switch off” right?? In order to keep the hardness I need to KEEP TOUCHING MYSELF AND HAVE AROUSING THOUGHTS/PICTURES. So in other words I don’t think I can succesfully get hard and masturbate to orgasm just ON TOUCH ALONE.. Infact I don’t think I ever have. But then this is where I’m confused.. Surely how on earth can you masturbate without some arousal!? I mean in order to get hard in the first place you need arousing material/thoughts/fantasy or an actual real life situation with the girlfriend (getting naked together, foreplay). I don’t understand HOW YOU CAN GET HARD JUST FROM TOUCHING your penis.. WITHOUT AROUSAL.. I mean another question I have - how is arousal maintained during intercourse itself? I’m assuming the arousal itself comes from the feeling of being inside the vagina, correct? And then that in turn keeps the erection hard?

On top of all this confusion I realise I have other barriers which have probably affected my mental state of mind and as a result affect my erections when it comes to sexual activity.. Including my strong Christian background which has taught me that sex before marriage is wrong, uncertainty about the girlfriends I have been with (whether I really want to be with them or not etc.), my compulsive porn and masturbation habit.
So there are alot of other issues but 3 things I’m worried about -
1. Whether my erection is hard enough for penetration in the first place
2. Why my erection’s hardness isn’t maintained for the duration of sexual activity or why when I stop touching myself I will lose hardness
3. Whether the “no sex before marriage” rule that I’ve held so strongly still has a hold on me

Thanks for reading, look forward to hearing from you

Sounds like your erection problems are in your head (no pun intended).

Hi,
Kegels will help you get and maintain a stronger erection. I believe it sounds like you have some what of a porn addiction. Which will start to render you harder to stimulate.

I can’t recommend this video series highly enough: Dr. Oz for Senate

Good luck.

Stop this. Porn and compulsive masturbating kills erections. The alternative problem that I suffered from due to these two things is delayed ejaculation. That kills relationships. It does sound like it’s all in your head. Stop watching porn and jerking off. That fact cannot be stressed enough.

Also, PE when done correctly increases erection frequency and hardness, so stick to a routine.

Lastly, stop watching porn. It kills erection quality.

Try getting 100% boner and go straight to lubed pussy. Being inside her will feel better then anything you’ve ever felt if she’s not super lose so dont worry about keeping a boner. Sex is natural so you can’t stress it so much and just let your body take over. Don’t have sex in darkness your mind needs some images. Try not using condoms if you can. I’m a Christian as well sex before marriage I think is less important then how you look at a women lustfully other then your girl. I just try to only be horny for my girlfriend and respect other women. Stop watching porn, go meet a girl and don’t be so worried about who it is. Make it a nice sweet girl not some slut and turn your life around. You shouldn’t have to worry. Sex is no big deal but arousal can be turned off by crazy insecure thoughts. Don’t stress it. Think of it as a dog needing to get its hump on.