OK, you gave us quite an answer, that’s great. Please note that not knowing you I cannot guarantee to be right in anything I say, but I guarantee you of my good intentions, deal?
You seem to be in a loop, the kind of “if I improve situation A then situation B will idiomatically be improved, but situation A depends on situation B being improved to get improved as well”. But every knot can be untied, it just may take some effort and time.
I’d say most of your problem is psychological, but there may be some physical issues as well (blood pressure, diabetes, stuff like that, but I’m no professional or experienced in that). So it doesn’t hurt to advice you to look for a med. But let’s get back to our conversation.
Your EQ seems like the tip of the iceberg. You worry too much when with a girl and so the situation doesn’t flow. Of course you already know that, but the thing is, what to do about it, right?
Here’s a little true story of mine to help me explain what a think latter.
When I was younger I was very very shy, so shy people would fell sorry for me. But one day I decided to get over my shyness and have no more fear of rejection from women (otherwise I’d soon be able to legally drink before ever holding hands with a girl). I read a lot of not so useful material but finally got to the point where I decided that, whenever I would see an attractive woman (of course, when in the right scenario like a party, pubs, etc) I’d just walk to her and say hello, not thinking about what to say next. It is simple to write, but it wasn’t simple to do – logical arguments like “if I get rejected is not a problem, I’ll probably never see this chick again” are easy to come with but hard to comply with your actions. But the first time I won the internal battle something happened. The minute I started walking it felt like a game, sport thing or something. It became a challenge, but a nice one!
And it worked, most of the time. I haven’t succeed in taking every girl I talked to bed of course, but I was never dumped in a shameful way – if you approach a woman with a confident attitude, even if you are not her type, she will be educated and dump you in a nice way, so nice you’ll almost thank her :) .
After that my whole life changed – I stopped being shy and actually became a very social guy with lots of friends, women, etc.
My point here is: while you keep being worried about what to do when with a girl (possibly because you are wondering what is she thinking about you) all the other issues will remain. You know, most of the time people can’t really read your actions fast enough to form an opinion of your “technique” in real time. You can be a Don Juan in bed, but have a stinky talk latter with the girl, so the overall memory of you will be negative, including the sexual memory. Or you can be bellow the average in your sexual performance, but create a nice enough ambient, have a nice chat and stuff like that, so latter she will associate you with positive things INCLUDING her memory of your sexual performance.
If you worry to much about technique when driving what does happen? You will drive like a 16 years old who just got his/her license. Same thing for sex, social interaction, etc. You don’t need to think about what you are doing that much, most of the time you just do and things turn out fine. I now it can be really hard, but it’s the “let go” concept. If you don’t let go you cannot enjoy, and our minds can be bitches if we worry too much.
I’m writing this because I really think that your only problem is you worrying too much, so if you solve that you will have more confidence, hence an improve EQ and even better PE gains.
Anyway, two things you can try that, worst case scenario, will do you no harm:
1 – Meditation or yoga – Really, will help you to free yourself of worrying to much. And also will bring other health benefits. You don’t have to became a guru, but 1-hour yoga sessions twice a week or daily 15 minutes long meditations are not that consuming. Try it for at least two months before judging as not working
2 – Pick up the artistic skill you like the most (you don’t need to be good at it, just to like it) and use it creating stuff in a way you focus in the female body. EG. If you like drawing, start drawing erotic art, dive into every detail of the feminine lines. Your attention will be focused due to the activity but, being something erotic, you’ll be exercising your “sex arousal” part of the brain together with your motor ability (sorry for any bad English terms here) without noticing it. If not drawing you can write about it. Write about a character that’s the “you” you’d want to be when with a girl, so dive into every detail of the scene.
These are just some examples, the main point is: Do something artistic and erotic at the same time in order to trick your own brain. You’d be surprised when, during the most active moments of your work, you start getting erections.
Sorry if I offended you or something like that. I have no right to say I am absolutely correct or to guide you. I’m just suggesting things and explaining my point of view.
Now, of to bed, gotta work tomorrow :) .
Best of luck, I’ll be following your post!
