Originally Posted by AndyB123
I thought I might hit a nerve but that wasn’t my intention. I don’t blame you for being angry with my comments. But here is why I said what I said:1. You often contemplate damaging people.
2. You admit to be hard to handle at times.
3. You considered faking belief in the jehovas witness religion.
4. You are not used to people showing interest in you.
Now my more specific response:
1. Thinking about hurting people is not good. I’m sure you know that. Your thoughts become your actions in one way or another. This could indicate that people might sense that it’s a possibility that you might hurt them. Meaning people would probably want to stay away from you.
2. If you know you are hard to handle, and have no body around to help you get a handle then something needs to change with your ability to handle yourself.
3. Why not be true to yourself and find people out there that have the same interests and beliefs as you do. No matter what your interest or beliefs are, there is a group somewhere with the same ones.
4. Being used to people not showing interest in you means you are probably expecting it. If you are expecting people not to show interest in you then you will definitely have no one interested in you.
I never meant to call you a liar and own up to raping a girl. I honestly believe you when you say you didn’t. Also what you owned up to in a previous post were all terrible things to say about yourself. That is also not what you need to be doing. Specifically you need to think about why you call yourself those things and who you blame and why for you being those things.
This will probably be my last post in regards to this thread. For some reason I felt the need to clarify. Maybe it was because of your capital fu or maybe because I got angry at you getting angry when I was just trying to help.
Anyways I hope this post does not hit a nerve but in all honesty I dont really care if it does. Everything I have said is pure speculation as I do not know you at all. At the very least you should think it over and not get heated over some one else opinion or two cents. I really do wish you the best and I really hope everything works out for you.
Thanks for taking the time after me just telling you right off, I think, to be totally honest it’s some sort of defense mechanism. Like, “stay away from me, or this and this will happen”, like I want to hurt people before they hurt me, maybe. Not too good at explaining how I feel at times.
And yes, I need to stop telling myself bad shit, hence why I’m doing the self hypnosis/meditation at least 1 h a day, and to become more calm and socialize in a better way.
All the negativity that has come my way over the years has been internalized by me, stupid as it is to do something like that, but it’s just that it has become overwhelming at times.
Now, I’m finally starting to feel like I’m getting a handle at it these days, some days are better than others but that’s just the way life is. No more masking how I feel with drugs though, which is a really big step in the right direction. Now I’m trying to do constructive things with my time, like spending time with my family, learning a new language, doing what I can to get my education going, and finally knowing what I want to work with. Which is helping people getting in better shape and eating more healthy as it almost seems like there’s some sort of obesity epidemic going on in the world in general, at least in western countries, from what I observe on a daily basis.
And last but not least thank you for saying that regarding the rape accusation. People that really know me knows that just ain’t me, and frankly it’s quite hurtful that some people believe I’m capable of doing something like that. I LOVE the female body, as long as they’re fit that is, and could not even imagine forcing myself like that on someone, or drug them down to do something like that. I really don’t get how someone could have sex with a human that’s basically in a coma, it would give me absolutely nothing, honest to God.
It took me years before I managed to talk about it, and when this girl that I was sleeping with at the time told me what was going on it got to me so bad that I just wrote myself into a psychiatric ward/place for people struggling in life and even there I could not talk about it. It got me so down and paranoid as I didn’t even know who or how many people she had been lying to and it all started to make sense why people I used to know wasn’t even talking to me anymore. It shook my world, and world view really, really bad and no one can understand how bad it feels to be accused of something like that while being innocent, unless they’ve gone through something like that themselves.
Today has been a really good day, and will do my best to keep it going this way and not let stuff get to me as easily as I’ve done in the past. Because all it does is make me depressed and anxious. It’s no way to live and I’m too good of a person to keep on self destructing like that.
And my sincerest apologies and a big thank you for being the bigger man and responding in a good manner. Much, much appreciated.
