Life change's and goals for a better life!

First off if a mod could, please, just delete my other progress thread as I did not manage to change the title of it.
I know this site is first and foremost about gaining dick size but I’m at a crossroads in my life, simply put get out there and get what’s yours and what you feel you deserve, OR just continue laying down all depressed and suicidal.
I’m as of now choosing option nr. 1. I’ve gone through so, so much personal trauma which have continued to haunt me to this day at the tender age of 34. Cancer, drug abuse, mental abuse, pictures of me spread to God know who and where. False accusations of rape(she didn’t even report me and it took 3,5 years before a g.f of hers whom I was sleeping with at the time told me what she had gone around telling people)which no one told me about. This lead to me being shunned basically by all the people I used to know as no one told me what she went around lying about for over 3,5 years!!!

This shattered my world, totally, and it has been some kind of witch hunt to kill my reputation and life, despite this I’ve managed to sleep with 60+ women and ALWAYS told girls I was in a serious relationship with about the lies being spread. My conscience is 100% clean in that area, hence my ability to talk about it.

Now I’m gonna stop let this ruin my life, set myself some serious goals as, stupid enough, gaining some size has really impacted my confidence enough to finally do so.
Instead of focusing on my many lackings in life, it’s a long, long list Imma focus on my good sides and what I actually have.

I’m fit as fuck with a 6 pack and still looking buff in clothes. I got the worlds best dog, my Staffie named Samson who also is a super buff “dude”. I’ve finally gotten control over my former drug abuse, only thing I’ll let myself do from time to time is smoking some hashish or weed. I no longer drink to get drunk and mostly just stay away from both alcohol and hard drugs like meth, coke, mdmda, acid shrooms and so forth. I am on 16mg’s of subs a day and contemplating cutting that dose at least in half as it’s a poison about 400 times stronger than morphine when compared mg to mg.

Potential future goals: Getting a fitness and health education, like becoming a personal trainer and food consultant. Finally getting a second dog as getting my dog has been a slow but sure life changer for me and I’ve always wanted to have at least 2. Implementing yoga and meditation on a daily basis in my life, for mental and physical health(mostly mental as my physical health is pretty good already). Getting more self confident and not letting people push me over the top as I’ve, to my surprise, started getting insanely violent and even have trouble controlling it at times. Guess all the backstabbing, constant lies, false rumours and so forth finally pushed me over the edge.

Any words of encouragement is highly appreciated as I got no one in my life doing so. It’s no fun being a social reject because of shit you didn’t even do, it’s gotten me suicidal and depressed like nothing else.

Just finished 10 sets of stretches and 120, slow, wet jelqs. Took approx 55 mins.

Unit is becoming a real shower by now which is my main motivation for doing PE as my dick at times have been the center of size jokes, which bothered me as people always exaggerate how small or big someone is. Never again, I can now just whip it out any time, any place if need be.

Also hoping my scar behind my glands heals up real quick so I can start extending again. Don’t like the thought of just sitting here without doing some sort PE.
Never thought the day would come where I actually both want and enjoy wearing this torture device.

Finished a second workout of 10 sets of 30 sec hold stretches in every direction including my dynamic straight out one, 120 wet jelqs and finished it off with 4 sets of 440’s.

So a total of 2 h manual PE’ing today. Unit feeling a bit fatigued but not over exhausted. All Good.
Now I’m gonna continue my exploring of the Spanish language to become fluent in speaking it come summer next year.

Setting goals is a big part of being successful at anything. There is a science behind it but what’s most important is actually setting goals. So you are on the right track.

Write your goals down somewhere that is very conspicuous so you can see them all the time. Actively pursue your goals and constantly ask yourself if what you are doing is helping you achieve them.

Focus on yourself and your goals. If you work hard things just kind of fall into place. I wish you well and hope everything works out for you. Stay focused and work hard.

Hey Brother,

Take it easy on your unit because you do not want to over work it to the point that your penis needs to strengthen itself to overcome the stress that you are putting it through. What you are doing is going to make you a hard gainer REAL quick so don’t be like me when I first started out. Take it slow for the first 90 days by ending your sessions feeling good to the point where you can get a good erection and if that doesn’t give you gains after those 90 days then ramp it up a bit.

Also, if you are FIT AS F***, then tell yourself that everyday because if you live in the USA, then you are already extremely above the average person there. Whatever you decide to put into your body, you are only going to attract that negative/positive energy around you so do what you got to do to stay off the drugs. If that becomes to difficult then find herbs/supplements that will ease you off of those drugs. Anyways, if you are feeling down, make it a habit to post it up here so that we can chime in with some words of encouragement to keep you up beat. Take care of yourself brother.

Thanks for the response Paradigm. It luckily went all well and I got good PI’s but think I’ll stick to doing it once a day still.

Struggling a bit with the usual feeling of loneliness, and even played with the thought of joining Jehovas Witnesses but after having them visit I’m not so sure anymore.
Only reason I contacted them to begin with was purely for company, quite pathetic I know. But with the cards life has dealt me and the choices I’ve made, making new friends seems impossible at times. Also I struggle with anger issues and I’m always on the lookout for someone saying something wrong to me and such, hell, I even went to the doorstep of this guy that I know for a fact has been talking some serious smack about me. The guy tried to close the door on me but I was too strong for him, opened it and there he was deadly afraid and crying. I did not end up hurting the man, but I struggled not to do so because of all the shit he had been saying.

This happened about 2 weeks ago, and hope I don’t come across as some psycho here it’s just been rough at times, living in a small town. Word gets around here really quick as well and I notice people maybe are watching what they say around me a bit more.

Again thanks for responding Paradigm, just your response alone helps a lot with the whole `loneliness’ feeling I got going at times. Will do some self hypnosis/meditation and try to keep my outlook on things a bit more positive.

Brother,

If you are from a small town, I can imagine what you are going through since your reputation is all you got. If I was in your shoes, and this is something that is completely out of the norm, I would host a BBQ and invite some key people that are either your neighbors, old work friends, friends, etc. Let everyone have a good time and that is where you would make a stage for yourself and ask the same people that are their about what is being said about you. Kind of like “Hey everyone, I’m glad that you are having a good time but I want to take this opportunity to clear the air about myself. I heard that I’m known as the… such and such…” Hopefully that would open up some dialogue between you and the people that matter to you because most of the time, the air can be cleared if they heard your side of the story, the problem is that, they never considered hearing your side in the first place. However, if that fails, my plan B in your situation is to move to a different city since your roots are not as deep in that community.

Anyways, like I said, it takes some energy and a whole lot of drive to host a community BBQ for the sole purpose of clearing the air around your name.

Yeah, it’s actually a really good idea, but problem is no one would come to it except maybe my parents and maybe 2 other relatives(Yeah, it’s that bad, believe it or not). I’ve tried telling people the truth so many times by now, but to no avail. Things has actually just escalated after telling my side of all the stories about me, hence my anger at the boiling point every time I go outside.

I often contemplate the damage I could do to a man as I’m quite strong and know how to box. When I used to kickbox I simply loved the sparring part as I got to inflict some of my anger upon whomever I was sparring at the moment.
Unfortunately the club closed down, not enough interest I guess.

Only alternative I’ve got as of now is to try and make some friends at this “get people in work again” place that I used to go to, but it took about 2 days before the talking behind my back started there as well. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve almost just given up, and every time I’m so lucky to meet someone that actually doesn’t know me it lasts a few days before they start asking and digging, before never talking to me again. And I’m so colored by these bad experiences that I now just expect it to happen.

Have even moved to a different city 3 times, but somehow my rep keeps on rolling there as well so no chance is really given to get to know people long term. Sure, I might not be the easiest of humans to deal with anymore but a chance of some sorts would be wonderful. In my teens I always had friends, females that liked me and all those wonderful things that comes with the territory.

Got so fed up by being lonely that I invited a Jehovas Witness to my home, but the “brainwashing” soon started and it’s just too extreme for my taste. But it’s really appealing the whole social aspect of it. Maybe just fake it to get some “friends”. Have also considered going to the local newspaper with my story and even giving them a copy of my “certificate of good conduct” just to show them exactly what I’ve done wrong in my life as there is nothing there that can’t handle the light of day, so to speak.

Anyway, thanks for your suggestion and just you responding. Not used to anyone showing any form of interest in me for the last 4-5 years, I think. Except for my shrink that is.

No worries forum friend. I had a friend where his girlfriend did not trust him and the girl had all kinds of scenario’s in her head about her boyfriend. She would always question him where he was, what he is doing, etc. All he did wrong was not mention about this work female friend that they both went to a festival which was really important to his girlfriend at the time. To her, that was crossing an emotional barrier for her. Anyways, the point was, he asked what will it take for her to believe him that he would only loved and cared for her and that nothing happened between him and his work friend. Guess what? She said “polygraph”. So, he shelled out about $300+ to prove that what he is saying is true and apparently the way they asked the questions basically covered any potential loop holes if you answer vaguely. Also they rephrase the question again but asking a new question but also over lapping previous questions asked to cross reference the previous answers. (Hopefully that made any sense) Anyways, the results were positive and now she does not question him anymore like “where are you going”, “What time will you be home”, etc.

SOOOOOOOOO….

Maybe you might want to do a recorded polygraph yourself to be able to prove yourself in your community. Also, vlog your experiences on YouTube so that way when people happen to ‘google’ or ‘facebook’ search you, at least there will be some positive things about you online. Anyways, I understand that its impossible today to make new friends because of technology, lack of social skills, etc. but just know that there is someone else in this world who is getting bombed, tortured, starving, etc. so if you just got to rebuild your reputation, do it through your fitness and anything else that you are good at brother.

Again thanks for a very thoughtful response. As a matter of fact I have written a couple of years ago on my FB page that I would be willing to take a polygraph test, might have to check it out further. Betting it’s expensive in our country. Just afraid it would backfire as I’m not a very emotionally stable person anymore, just gotta remember to breathe slowly.
It’s the only thing that calms me down these days.

I just don’t understand why she went around saying it, as I knew her from before even. And 3,5 years without me even knowing she went around saying so has made me mistrust people so much it ain’t even funny.

Finished my ususal 10 sets of stretches and 120 wet jelqs. PI’s still really good. Now just drinking some coffee in the middle of the night to stay awake so I can haul my ass off to “work” in some hours and gonna do a workout as well before “work”.

Hey bro

It seems to me like you need to start making some real changes. There’s a saying that goes like this “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”.

You’ve moved cities and joined new circles but the same shit keeps happening to you. I understand that people haven’t been fair to you but it’s time you start taking some responsibility for your life and situation.

When you really boil it down, you have much fault in what’s happening to you. Start living your life in a cause form rather than an effect one. What I mean is don’t always be so quick to point fingers. It’s not easy to do at first but once you start taking responsibility for your life, you will then start to change. As you will learn from your mistakes.

If you are always saying “it’s not me, it’s them” then you will never learn because in your mind you are always in the right. You need to start saying to yourself “what did I do to cause this and what can I do differently to get the result I want?” If you do this, over time change will occur naturally.

Start taking responsibility and start making changes for the better. You deserve the life you want but it is up to you to make it happen.

I hope everything works out for you.

I have no problem owning up to the mistakes I’ve actually made in life and believe me there are plenty of them which I’ve mentioned several times in different threads.
So you just assume I can’t take responsibility for my own actions based on this major incident in my life that I’m not even mentally capable of doing, as in forcing myself on a female?
No, just no, I’m not “owning up” to shit like that. Once someone says something like that, she never even talked to the police, it’s a snowball effect.

Sorry, but you really hit a nerve with me regarding that. And I’m used to white knigts not believing me.

And if you had known me in person you’d know how much I joke about me being useless, a junkie, a lazy m.f, not able to socialize, mentally disturbed, unstable, a grumpy bastard I could go on and on about this and I own it like no one else. Believe that.

But that one damn thing, NO, just fucking NO! I’m out, see where this is headed now.

EDIT: F.U!

Sorry for my language, just took a walk and cooled off a bit. I’m honest to God working on my anger issues as well with meditation, therapy and generally just focusing on my breathing.
It’s just that you really have to have gone through being accused of something like this yourself to understand it and I honestly wish she had reported it because then I would have known and could have fought it from the get go.
I know I act like a total a-hole at times and both want and try to change it. It’s no way to live I know. Time for “work” and doing something constructive with my time.

(I should never have mentioned it in the first place as it’s no use, everyone just believes the females no matter what, it seems.)