Never Should Have Stopped

Start of my “journal” to keep myself accountable and a better log of past moods, issues, gains etc

Started PE in 2009 at 7x5” with the JP90 routine, did manuals for a year, gained .5”BPEL and .25”MSEG. Long term gf at the time noticed and asked me to stop(“it’s already scary”, I was so eager to accept that as truth, cringe) so I stopped.
5 years later we broke up and I got with another girl from work(bad idea, will never do that again) who was the tightest I’ve ever come across to this day. I could literally make her have to call in to work if we fucked more than once in 24hrs(unreal for my size) so spending several months with that made me think “maybe my size is enough”. 😂 nope not unless I married her, but I didn’t and the woman I did marry pulled back the curtain of inadequacy for me.

Current routine 2 on 1 off (Week 6):
2g l citrulline 1hr before each session

-10min hot towel wrap
-10min stretch(1 min per direction)
-30min wet jelq in front of space heater 30-60%erect
-6min hot towel
-cock ring for 30mins after

-4+hr break

-5min hot towel
-2x5min bath mate, go in 50% erect or less(2 min break with fire goat rolls between)
-5min hot towel
-cock ring for 30mins after

First negative PI showed last week after bath mate. Big red spot on top of shaft, let it heal for 3 days, went back and it opened up again. Taking 5 days off the BM this time, and will start back with week 4 times/pressures and work back up from there. I’ve also gotten quite dark skin since pumping but I’ll take care of that later.
I know a lot of people here don’t like bath mate but I need privacy and it’s easiest to hide in the shower. If hiding an air pump is just as easy I messed up and I’ll be jumping on that train soon.

Only signs of gains I’ve seen is a .1” increase in MSEG and .25” BEG, measured morning of off day 1 month in.
Definitely bath mate induced, could be residual swelling from day before so I’m not getting too hung up on these numbers yet.
Goal is 8.5”x6.5”, I don’t think I’ll make those numbers but minimum to be happy is the classic 8”x6”mid-6.25”base.

I have 2years to get this right. If not, I’m out.
I’m unhappy everyday, this permeates all aspects of my life. I can be going about my day and if something reminds me of size, it’s the end of my good mood. Self hatred boils up to an absurd degree.
Tired of dreading sex because I don’t wanna see my pathetic little dick, or feeling bad for my partner, like I’m letting her down. Or like I’ve been settled for, disgusting.
I don’t even masturbate anymore because the feeling of my thin dick in my hands makes it go limp and I’m instantly over it. That helps with PE now tho. Sometimes I cry about it in the shower haha what a bitch.

Will be back with the end of week 8 results.

Maybe you should work on your mental outlook as well?

Mate, just want to tell you that more or less we are the same stats- 7.5 BPEL, 5.25 MSEG but my BEG is 6” from clamping (it really only grew above where the clamp was)

Firstly, you are not small by any means. Statistically you are large, absolutely no doubt about it. You’re about .5 inches bigger than the average girth, and way way longer. Of course there are larger guys out there, but head off to Asia and you are the ‘big dick white guy’.

But of course you are not going to do that. If your wife put your head in that direction, you should pull back the curtain of inadequacy for her too, because you had way tighter girls than her. Doesn’t sound like a nice thing to do on her side, but maybe it was unintentional. If it was intentional, go get a piece on the side who appreciates you. Sounds like plenty did in the past.

I also, took a huge break from PE. I kind of had a similar story, and got married, wife was totally happy with my size. Got divorced a few months ago, and back on the market, and of course size concerns resurface, despite a couple of girls telling me I was big. And here I am again, looking to gain an inch of girth - which I had literally nearly 15 years to do.

But you can’t change the past. You can focus only on now. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Right?

I have been looking at HA fillers, visiting phalloboards and looking at Ellanse. Which are quick fixes, but ultimately very risky in the short and long term and I am putting them out of my head for a year.

So yeah, pathetic you are not. Married, you are. She married you for a reason. You are far more than the sum of your dick. Look at guys who start here with 5 x 4 units. Now look at your unit and imagine what that is like. Yet they come here and grow. And you will too, and I will also.

Stop the self pity and focus on what you have. Some people are watching their kids dehydrate to death in basements in Ukraine as I write. Remember that. You are winning in life.

Just think of the most utterly boring, unenticing spot in the house and you’ve got your hiding spot. Like, in a box that says “Tax receipts 2011” or something.

Moral of the story is do not do PE for women, do it for yourself.

If you feel the need for more girth there are good routines here for it.

Otherwise, definitely, rethink your mental thinking and progress.
If you can properly refocus yourself you should do, and feel, fine.

Yeah, good luck on that mental aspect, I for one can’t imagine a method that could make a difference in mental health when the mental health troubles come from being dissapointed in the body itself, other than body modification.

I noticed you take 2g of citruline before PE. Citruline didn’t do a thing for me even when taking 15-20g multiple times a day(I started with 2g-5g like everybody, starting taking more many months after I had made up my mind that it doesn’t have any effects). I hope it works for you though, but I can’t say I found any supplement that would work for PE purposes on the supplement market, I’m actually really pissed off about it.

Sorry to hear about your circumstances. Hope things go well for you!

Dude, fuck that noise! You have a good size and there is nothing stopping you from increasing it even further, if that’s your wish.
I was there in the same boat when I started my PE journey. I was 5.3 BPEL with 4.5 MSEG and let me tell you it was a nightmare. Imagine not being able to get it in doggiestyle or cowgirl, because it’s just too short. Heck, I could do only missionary with the missus and me being 4-4.5 NBPEL going balls-deep would mean getting half of it inside. Good thing she wasn’t as crude and vocal as your ms. Charming, but I could see the dissapointment written on her face.
I was furious because of that and completely threw myself in PE, no holds barred and no regrets. 4 years later I still don’t have any regrets I did that. I tried possibly the whole spectrum of PE, excluding pills and UV lights.
Let me tell you, you just have to find what works for you. Try new things if you haven’t recently. Take a decondition break i.e 2-3 months completely off PE and see how you fare afterwards. Just don’t give up just because some bitch decided to run her mouth, when she should have been supportive instead.
It took me 4 years to get from my starting size to where I am today and I would go for another 4 at the drop of the hat, knowing it will take me to where I want to go, or at least closer to it. You still got this mate, just don’t stop now when you are so close!

What needs work is your mind and attitude not your dick IMHO.
By all means you are on the large size in the statistics .. yes larger exists but most women don’t care much about that. All evidence shows that penis size is normally quite far down on their list, not off the list, just pretty far down!

So to me, it’s all in your mind and if you want to be absurdly successful in the dating world you should focus your time on other stuff.

Keep up the good work and PE will give you the results you want.

I advise on finding the best, most comfortable c ring you can find to fit around your dick and balls, if you haven’t already. You should wear it for as long as you can after doing your PE workout, it helped me gain girth faster and many say the same thing. Another one that is also comfortable should be for cock wearing only, I mostly wear this one, but both behind the dick and balls and dick only work well.

Cob rings from ebay are great, they came in 6 different sizes. Leather cock straps are great too.

Just curious but did your spouse actually say something to you or is it just your perception?

“I just wish there was more of you” she moans as I’m balls deep in doggy with her legs together.
That started the talk.

Finding out about multiple 6”+girth guys, and another 7+ Girth who she shared with 3 other women because
“He was big enough to be able to keep us all satisfied. You could handle maybe 2 max”
I know numbers based on the size references she made, a beer bottle was the reference for the 7+

Asked why she was with me and she said
“You’re the first person who I want more than sex from, I want everything with you. So I’d prefer a bigger dick, yours is still enough to get me off. And this way you can have sex more often, id still call that a win! And you’re really good at eating me out:) ”
Oh yay, I get to have sex as often as I want because it has such little impact on you, what a lucky boy I am. Certainly feel like a winner.

“You’ll never be my best, but if you keep playing your cards right you’ll be my last!”

I asked what the difference was, and was told: “Well you can try to get me to squirt with your dick(I can with my hands but not PIV), but that happened like 3 times and those guys were (eyes bulge)OOF, so good luck”;)

Hardest part is looking back on all our past times and thinking she probably felt that way the whole time. I feel guilty for ever enjoying our sex, damn.

That should be enough of an example, shit’s hard.

Thank you for taking the time to write this, you’re right there’s nothing to do now but work for it. We have a few similarities it’s true, I’m sorry if my gripes seem ungrateful to you.
I’m trying to do away with the self hate as it’s useless towards PE, no matter how strongly I feel it.
Once again I appreciate your view, helping me stay more placid.
Here’s to us both growing!

I’m not clear if she actually said these words verbatim or if you’re paraphrasing. Because

is a real-world assessment that people always make of their lovers, and it’s not necessarily bad because she’s looking at the whole picture. But it is a bit harshly phrased, especially the other things you quote.