Originally Posted by BoggeyWan
What specifically do you believe led you to your lifestyle? I see where you talk about bullying and not having the feeling of being a woman in a man’s body like most (I’m assuming) transgenders feel.Why the dildo masturbation?
Well this might be a long answer. But firstly let me say I personally don’t agree with most transgender people that they’re born in the wrong body. I know more transgirls than normal people do and most are similar to me in that we all have mental problems or are damaged of some kind of another. I’d rather say many are born into the wrong situation.
Also there are transgirls who do it specifically to excel in sports which to me is disgusting. If you look at them, they’re not even true trans, they just do enough to get by and some of them are so masculine.
Anyways for me personally, I see a therapist and we discuss many things including this as the why. My left us when I was super young, so my mom grew me up single.
She was really a feminine women and also quite promiscuous. She had me quite young so was still very sexually active as I was growing up and I was exposed to it quite often growing up. I often heard love making and often walked into it. This as my therapist says caused my sex addiction.
My mom also didn’t have much family and close friends and she grew me up not so much as her child or son but rather like her best friend. Still to this day we’re extremely close and our favourite past time is clothes shopping and coming home to model them for each other. So suffice to say I had no male role model in my life at all. So all my hobbies and interests were more feminine than a normal boy. Things like baking, makeup, body care, fashion…etc.
Then came the sexual abuse. I won’t go into detail but it was the bf of my mom’s cousin. It happened twice. And emotionally scarred me. I only ever confided in my therapist about it. The thing is I was a very feminine looking boy. If you had to look at just face you’d thing I was a girl. My therapist says that I used this dysmorphia to ‘justify’ the rape. Like I looked like a girl, so he fucked me like a girl, so I must be a girl.
At this time I was also getting bullied a lot in school and also had dysmorphia around my dick. I noticed all other boys had small thin normal looking shrimps but I had an oversized swollen sausage which led me to hide and be ashamed of my body.
After that bullying incident I felt afraid of boys and men and could only really be friends with girls at my new school. At that point I realized life would be so much easier if I was a girl. It took a lot to talk to my mother about it but she’s always been super supportive of me and I did therapy for 2 years before we came to decide to start with HRT. In fact my mom pushed me to do it prepuberty. Which I’m super thankful to her for. As most post puberty transgirls basically are very masculine. The testosterone at that point had done all it’s work.
Most of my high school I dealt with my transition so didn’t do too well in grades and I didn’t want to go to college but rather travel. That’s what I do with most of my money. Most of which comes from sex work. My mom and I shared a laptop for a time, where I found her porn searches and was kind of hooked onto porn from 15 or so. Like at 19 I noticed trans pornstars we’re getting mainstream and started with clips4sale, then Manyvids, then Onlyfans. And the rest is history
