everything went wrong

I started PE about 6 years ago and have been impotent for 4 years. I first had amazing results with jelqing, my engorgement was crazy high. The girls i was with were blown away with my girth and power. It felt great. I was using a power jelqing device(canning lifter) after about a year it snapped and so i just stopped and resorted to pumping. One day I was pumping and i couldn’t get it up so i just brushed it off and pumped flaccid. This happened a few times until i tried to have sex and i couldn’t keep it up. I was terrified and threw out my pump. At this point I wasn’t aware of thundersplace. I should’ve ignored my penis and let it heal for a good couple of weeks to a month. That would’ve saved my life but I was in the "use it or lose it" state of mind. So i spent my time trying to masterbate and watch porn as much as possible even though it wasn’t fully functional. I got some viagra and went at it. Things were going downhill so i went to the urologist who did a penile doppler ultrasound which showed arterial insufficiency, if he new better he would have told me i needed time off everything. I was constantly checking my penis with masterbation losing my mind.

Fastforward 2 years later still dealing with ED. I was at the end of my rope, totally devastated and desperate. So i searched for answers. I found shockwave therapy which would’ve cost me 4000$ which wasn’t possible for me. A little while later i discovered men online getting shockwave machines from aliexpress with great results restoring erectile function. So i studied their protocol and went at it. After a handful of treatments i started leaking urine in my underwear all day long which is happening to this day. I also developed soft glans syndrome which refers to a flaccid glans and corpus spongiosum no matter how hard your erection gets.

Fast forward another 2 years now i’m completely impotent and my only hope is a penile implant for 20 000$. The worst thing is that with the implant I will get engorged but it does nothing for my flaccid glans during erection.

All day everyday I’m now plagued with overwhelming thoughts of suicide. I can’t stop thinking of killing myself, it’s stronger then me. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I almost called the suicide hotline but I was afraid they would trace my call and put me in the psych ward. I started searching for ways to kill myself that will look like an accident so it wouldn’t have as much of an impact on my loved ones. I can’t go on like this, I’m losing my mind. I don’t think things could’ve been any worse then this. The distress is pilling up daily, I can’t do it. I don’t know why I’m writing all this here, i just don’t know what to do.

I know this site can have some pretty aggressive users but please don’t respond with comments of my ignorance towards PE. I hate myself enough as it is I don’t need your comments making this even worse for me.

Do you have any other symptoms of plaque build up such as peyronies like symptoms?

Imo best to not give up hope. It might be rock bottom but try not to stress it will just aggravate any chronic inflammation. Apply a stretch + heat routine. Read up on the application of heat on the forums here and then read some ncbi studies about the benefits of heat combined with mechanical stretch on connective tissues. Don’t over do it , connective tissues respond pathologically to excessive force to compensate for it and they can stretch a lot further with slow strain rate at light loads. Do this for 2-3 years you might grow a new dick.

When was your last full physical?

Do you have copies of the labs they ran?

What is your general state of health?

I think you need someone to talk to besides us.

Don’t lose hope.

You can always improve your health and there are plenty of things you can do to promote penile health.

It all starts with cardio health. If you aren’t in good physical shape, start there. Get your heart and circulatory system stronger, eat healthy, that’s the start.

Get a fresh physical, get new labs done, and discuss a daily low dose of cialis with your doctor. That can help promote not only etextions, but it will improve circulation and tissue oxygenation and nutrient delivery in general because it helps dilate your small blood vessels.

I would also suggest very carefully and gently re-introducing some low-pressure vacuum pumping to get fresh oxygenated blood into your penis. Over time, this can help with erections as well.

One important thing you need to find a way to internalize: you don’t even need a penis in order to sexually pleasure and satisfy a woman.

You don’t need an erect penis in order to experience pleasure yourself.

You do need a compassionate and understanding partner, but if you communicate your erection issues ahead of time and let them know that it isn’t anything about them that is causing this, but rather an issue of your own, this will take the pressure off of both of you and you can both enjoy tons of non-penetration sexual acts.
There are also plenty of toys that can act as a surrogate penis if you really want to penetrate a woman. There are strap on and dildos and penis sheaths galore.
No, it’s not the same thing, but if you’re open minded, you can have a mutually fulfilling and exciting sex life even if you never get over your erection issues.

Thanks man, I realize that as well. I’m not going to make it far like this. Death is calling me but every time i talk about it i feel a weight is lifted. Thank you. I made an appointment on the 29th for a therapist intake. I’m 35 years old with at least 40 years left of my life. I feel i need to find a reason to live otherwise i won’t.

Tim Topple

Don’t you give up! You hear me! Don’t you put your boots up!

This might seem like the end of the world but technology today is just amazing. There are solutions for you situation,

I know I’m a total stranger to you but you will heal. Generic as it sounds, the power to heal. It’s in your mind

That’s so horrible, I feel so bad for you. In addition to talking to a therapist, you should talk to a urologist and tell him everything that has happened so far. Maybe there is a solution, or at least some improvement that is possible.

Don’t give up.

You should research about stem cells.

Focus on the solutions, not the problems. Few things have no solution (with enough money)

And if that solution does not exist TODAY, I assure you that in a few years there will be. So it’s just a matter of time + money.

There is no money? There are thousands of ways to have a lot of money.

YOU CAN FIX IT!

PD: I would also recommend staying away from ANY surgeries until you try other options.

I have a urologist appointment on the 1st of August I will tell him everything and see what he says

Good move!

You have so much more yet to live.

There is help out there for you, just take the next step and believe. There is great power in positive thinking.

Hang in there, brother. You matter, and you will find a way through this. Whatever it takes don’t give up on yourself.

I’m so glad to know you are seeking professional help in all the ways that matter, but please know there is a whole community here rooting for you and standing with you.

I’m looking forward to celebrating with you once you feel whole again, whatever that looks like. In the meantime please remember you’re not alone, even if it’s a bunch of guys online you’ve never met.

Thanks tenaciousD I’m trying my best but this is so out of hand right now, I hear the downtown fentanyl calling me. Last night the only thing that kept me alive was the booze. I get triggered every day, whether it’s a couple holding hands or a girl smiling at me. I can’t live like this. I know we all make mistakes and it was a stupid accident but these stakes are too high for me to handle. I told myself I wouldn’t kill myself until my mom dies because she would lose it, but my will is weak. I don’t have control of this.

Hey just thought I’d post about what I use to promote stem cells. I use cocoa powder. It promotes tissue regeneration. God bless you I hope you can recover one day.